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Why is it so difficult to stay stable?

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blueorange

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Nov 27, 2014
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203
I was really good. Last week I had an appointment with my pdoc. There we talked that everything was so good, we will keep the medication as it is. I felt like I'll be ok forever because this medication really worked for me. I had plans, enjoying life, happy, energetic. I asked him if I can stay stable like this for long time. He said yes I can, only in extreme conditions this may change. I put bipolar disorder behind me. Just taking my drugs and enjoying life. But two days ago it hit me down again:( I'm tired. You know how I feel, don't need to explain it in detail. But everytime when I feel down I consider about suicide. Not just crying or something but directly thinking about if I should better kill myself. This hurts a lot. Making me more down and breaking my connection with life. Then again I'm trying to adapt.

I talked my pdoc yesterday about this and asked him if stress can trigger. Because I was really really good and don't understand why this thing happened again. Last 3 days was so stressful actually. But I can't run away from stress. My work is stressful and my friends and family calling me if anything bad happens. I mean, I'm the one who solves problems or at least making people feel better and relaxed but I can't tolerate it myself. Making people feel better and myself worse. I'm broken apart each time. I never thought about this before but maybe I'm too vulnerable.

Now I really don't know what to do. Normally I don't want to die. Because when you feel it, life is beautiful. But in those times... I'm afraid I will kill myself in the end. I can't handle this if it continues.

Do you have suggestions about what should I do at those times? How you manage it? Is it normal to have episodes even if you're using drugs? Am I expecting too much? I heard about people who are stable for years with medication. Maybe they mean that "relatively stable", maybe they are also having some episodes, I don't know. Do you know?

By the way I was having rapid cycling and mixed episodes. I was mostly stable in the last 5 weeks. My drugs are abilify and tegretol. In addition I'm taking modiodal.

Every input is appreciated. :low:

Edit: I had a major depression last summer which was really severe, I don't even remember some weeks. I'm also having mania but that's rare. I'm having mania generally in mixed state I guess.
 
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Kerome

Kerome

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I think it's about managing your stress and your connection with life, as you already indicate a little in your post. Make sure you take every opportunity to de-stress: take a little distance at work, don't identify too much, treat yourself well, celebrate the little things that go well, maybe go to a quiet classical concert or do a pottery course. Stay engaged with the fun things, keep your activity going.

About suicide the best advice I ever had was from my GP, who said "just don't think about it, and focus on living instead." Ideas of suicide tend to build up over time, and the best way to avoid reaching crisis point is to not give them any time or energy.
 
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tokyo jo

Guest
My favorite suicide tips are-

1 Dont do it

2 Suicide is painless it brings on many changes and I can take or leave it if I please.

Stress is certainly the problem. When I was in that mode it better to have more than one thought spinning around my head because if I have a single thought that gets into a closed loop thats when things can start to kick off.
For me if I lost one or two nights sleep I was still fine. You tell thatt you have gone completely without sleep the medial people tell you that youre mistaken.

All of this can be stopped in its tracks with a good nights sleep.
 
Unique1

Unique1

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Jan 27, 2015
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So sorry you have had these set backs after doing so well. I understand how that feels, it's almost worse to do so well then crash. You sound a bit like me, helping people, and being the one to resolve problems etc. I think we have to learn to manage people better when they want a piece of us. It's lovely to be able to help, don't get me wrong, but I certainly have to realise now, that it is draining at times when people are relentless. I guess we have to be a little more selfish with our time. It's quite exhausting when you work as well.
I'm sure you can get back to that nice place you were at not long ago, we do have set backs at times,it's about being kind to yourself. You sound like you are doing really well, but once you feel good you are pushing yourself, it in turn makes us tired, which I think triggers off the set back.

I wish you well x
 
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blueorange

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Joined
Nov 27, 2014
Messages
203
I think it's about managing your stress and your connection with life, as you already indicate a little in your post. Make sure you take every opportunity to de-stress: take a little distance at work, don't identify too much, treat yourself well, celebrate the little things that go well, maybe go to a quiet classical concert or do a pottery course. Stay engaged with the fun things, keep your activity going.

About suicide the best advice I ever had was from my GP, who said "just don't think about it, and focus on living instead." Ideas of suicide tend to build up over time, and the best way to avoid reaching crisis point is to not give them any time or energy.
I will try to focus on these.
I don't know how I will stop thinking about suicide but next time I will try.
Thank you very much
 
B

blueorange

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 27, 2014
Messages
203
My favorite suicide tips are-

1 Dont do it

2 Suicide is painless it brings on many changes and I can take or leave it if I please.

Stress is certainly the problem. When I was in that mode it better to have more than one thought spinning around my head because if I have a single thought that gets into a closed loop thats when things can start to kick off.
For me if I lost one or two nights sleep I was still fine. You tell thatt you have gone completely without sleep the medial people tell you that youre mistaken.

All of this can be stopped in its tracks with a good nights sleep.
:)) 1st one is very good.
About the sleep, yes I have a problem also in there. I'm sleeping a lot at the weekends and very little at the weekdays. So not a good routine I guess.
 
B

blueorange

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 27, 2014
Messages
203
So sorry you have had these set backs after doing so well. I understand how that feels, it's almost worse to do so well then crash. You sound a bit like me, helping people, and being the one to resolve problems etc. I think we have to learn to manage people better when they want a piece of us. It's lovely to be able to help, don't get me wrong, but I certainly have to realise now, that it is draining at times when people are relentless. I guess we have to be a little more selfish with our time. It's quite exhausting when you work as well.
I'm sure you can get back to that nice place you were at not long ago, we do have set backs at times,it's about being kind to yourself. You sound like you are doing really well, but once you feel good you are pushing yourself, it in turn makes us tired, which I think triggers off the set back.

I wish you well x
Your last sentence is interesting, I'll think about it.
Somehow I couldn't take things under my control. Everytime I'm behaving like it's the first time and it will last forever.
 
T

Topcat

Guest
Everytime I'm behaving like it's the first time and it will last forever.
Isn't that just a nightmare :hug:
But here, you know it isn't and it won't. These feelings will pass.
I hope youre feeling better soon
Xx
 
I

iamfunky

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Apr 23, 2012
Messages
636
Location
South West (UK)
I was stable for some time, but a stressful event triggered off another manic episode. I think we just have to live with this illness and learn to cope with it. Reduce stress, take meds, talk and ride the bad times out. Dont give in to the bad thoughts.
 
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