• Hi. It’s great to see you. Welcome!

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life. Amongst our membership there is a wealth of expertise that has been developed through having to deal with mental health issues.

    We are an actively moderated forum with a team of experienced moderators. We also have a specialist safety team that works extra hard to keep the forum safe for visitors and members.

    Register now to access many more features and forums!

Why is everything so hard?

M

Marzk25

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
163
Hi everyone, everything just seems to be getting on top of me at the moment and I don't know where to turn for advice or support. My husband suffers from bipolar disorder, my best friend does too and my mum suffers from paranoid schizophrenia.

My problem is that all 3 of them are suffering from depression at the moment and I am trying to be strong for everyone. I love and care for them so much and I know how hard depression feels as much as I know a lot of people on this forum do.

Recently and especially today I am feeling emotionally drained, I am trying to help as much as I can but I also know if I don't look after my own mental health I will become ill too. I just don't know how to express the mounting pressure or how to find the right balance between helping the people I am closest to and making sure I stay well. It feels like too much and I just want them to feel better. It's getting harder and harder to be the 'strong one' when inside I am struggling too. If anyone has any help or advice I'd be very grateful :low:
 
SarahD

SarahD

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
2,090
Location
UK
I suffer from depression and I have also supported others who are depressed. Both are very hard to deal with!

As you say, it is really important to try to look after yourself. Do they have other support apart from you? From mental health teams or others (therapists, friends or other family members)?

I don't know what to advise, except to make sure they are getting the best help from doctors/psychiatrists/mental health teams. Maybe encourage them to get involved in some activity or maybe an arts therapy (when depressed I never want to do anything, but doing something does help). Check if there are any local support groups, like the Depression Alliance e or another mental health charity.

Do you have any support for yourself, and time for yourself when you can escape and do something else and be somewhere else? Don't feel guilty or feel that you have to share the pain. You can help more if you can stay well.
 
M

Marzk25

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 27, 2015
Messages
163
Thank you sarahD. Yes all three go to their psychiatric appointments (about every 3-6months) and have cpns who they see monthly. I have a cpn too, who I have just started seeing fortnightly. I am due to see him again in a couple of weeks, I mentioned in passing to both him and my psychiatrist that I was having trouble balancing my time with my friend and family members but I didn't mention I was supporting them with depression. I will make a point of discussing it with him when I next see him.

Although they do see their care workers as I've mentioned they do rely quite heavily on my attention and time, I'm aware with my bdp of struggling to maintain relationships, which is why I've been maybe doing to much the truth is I don't really know what is healthy and what is harmful as I don't want to withdraw too much ( which If I'm honest I've felt like doing completely, my typical bdp behaviour when things get hard) I have never been able to set 'boundaries' and I either am too involved which I suppose leads to people to depend on me or in the instances when I take a break I isolate myself not answering phone calls not talking much etc. which I then feel guilty about:unsure:

This means I find it hard to get the balance right. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings or let them down. I'd just like them to know I am there for them but I can't be 24/7 I need some time to myself as well. I just don't know how to get this across in a good way.
 
SarahD

SarahD

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2014
Messages
2,090
Location
UK
I know what you mean - it is hard to get the balance right, it is something I have had problems with too, it is exactly because you want to be there for them. But as you say, you can't do it 24/7.

I think you do need to tell your cpn and psychiatrist so they are aware of the stresses you face. They may be able to give you some advice also

Maybe you can think about setting some limits (obviously in a crisis you would want to be on hand). Perhaps helping them to plan things they can do when they are feeling very bad when you are not available, or a list of helplines they could phone for support. I know the temptation to withdraw when it all becomes too much, but instead have regular times when you are unavailable because you are doing things for YOU. Supporting someone with depression is hard, but three people is three times as hard. You can't make everything better, so accept that and just do what you can.

I am glad they have professional help. If they are very bad perhaps they need more frequent appointments or more support of some kind from mental health services.
 
Top