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Why I will never recover

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George10111

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Messages
362
From when I can remember, it seems like everyone in this world is against me. Even my parents. Always looking to catch me doing something wrong so they can guilt me, shame me, etc. and I hardly ever leave my house because I just can’t stand strangers anymore. People are such @$$holes. It’s seriously unbelievable. I don’t even want to give some recent examples because it would take all day, to name a few.

I’ll admit I am most certainly an asshole now myself, at least I can admit. People genuinely think they’re decent but they treat you like you’re the scum of the earth. Like you’re, ‘not worthy so I don’t have to act civil to your I HATE going to the store, absolutely detest it. I hate going anywhere. Lines, incredibly rude people, I’m done. I’m sick of trying to be nice. What the fuck has it ever gotten me? I used to be me, the real me, who was, not bragging, nice, forgiving, interested in what you had to say. Now I don’t know who I am anymore. I’m so fed up. Life has been a never ending torment. There’s just always something trying to irritate me. I just want the rest of me to die. Half of me has died along the way. All that’s left is.. my physical body. I have to pry myself out of bed every morning, sometimes I wonder why, why not just stay in bed all day? It’s all so pointless. I’m never going to get better. The scars inflicted are irreversible. We’ve worked so many years but all I could get was a callus. I’m never going to be the same person I once was. My life has been a dumpster fire.
 
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George10111

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Messages
362
I was born and the lesson I’ve learned about I’m supposed to be is, a pawn, a toy for this universe to experiment with, to make a mockery and a joke. The fact that I haven’t taken my life yet is making me more embarrassed by each day. I’m sorry this is so intense but I literally had nobody else to talk to. You guys are all I have in this shithole of a life
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
753
Location
Canada
Sorry to hear all this, George. Yeah, this life, I dunno, sometimes I'm just not in the mood for all the bullshit, judgemental people, trying to get anywhere seems like a massive struggle sometimes. Some days I get one productive thing done maybe, and give myself some credit for that at least. Other days I'm just a mope, obsessing over stuff, don't know what to do with myself. I might go for a little walk or something, sometimes that helps a little.
 
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karl7

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 9, 2013
Messages
571
I was born and the lesson I’ve learned about I’m supposed to be is, a pawn, a toy for this universe to experiment with, to make a mockery and a joke. The fact that I haven’t taken my life yet is making me more embarrassed by each day. I’m sorry this is so intense but I literally had nobody else to talk to. You guys are all I have in this shithole of a life
george, you seriously need some R&R .....would a hospital stay be of any benefit.....please conatct your mental health team.....there are people who care about you.....my life is sh!t too, but sucisde is never the anwswer.......i hope things improve for you soon.....stick around these forums....people here have been through it and understand......i have been seriously suciidal myself over the years.....but things do improve......and they will for you too.....just keep the chin up.....take it easy as mucha s you can.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
4,230
Location
Nashua NH
Hi George I definitely share your experience.
Businesses can seem so impersonal and incompetent it’s demoralizing and seems impossible to do anything. People are grumpy and only looking out for number one. It does make life a grinding and demoralizing chore daily. I wouldn’t take it personally I think it is the experience of a lot of people sadly. You do end up getting ground down, unfortunately. I take refuge here where people are nice and supportive. Maybe spending time is that can bring some relief to you. Not sure what else to recommend because I haven’t found it yet. Just know that you are. it alone. xo, j
 
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George10111

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 7, 2017
Messages
362
Hey guys I’m sorry I’m weeks late in reply. I fly off the handle like this and feel embarrassed to go back to the thread. But you guys have saved my life to this day. Your kind words have helped kindle my faith in mankind. Again thank you.

I would love to believe I can get help. I need a lot more help then I am finding. I need more support from my family, not criticism and prejudice. I can’t even open up like this to my parents because it could jeopardize our relationship more. I certainly can’t open like this to my Facebook friends. I’m doing all I can day by day and feel like my depression is terminal. I’m just living through each day, honestly dying a little more. It’s like two steps forward five steps back. My physical health is deteriorating. I know I need to see a doctor but I’m terrified. I have symptoms of cancer and kidney disease but you know... I don’t know anymore
 
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ManDss

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 24, 2020
Messages
173
Location
Arg
Ho there , so sorry to hear all this, I know how is to live in absolut hell and I understand what you talking about.
 
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