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Why I joined - maybe someone will reply

T

Taylor3

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Sep 14, 2021
Messages
72
Location
UK
Well I am not sure what to say other than I am now at the point where I feel for how many years I have left in life then I wont be dictated or shouted at by busy doctors or sarcastic consultants making comments simply because my situation has not changed.
What I am trying to say is (and I never think quick enough on a appointment to say it) is it is not my fault I cannot give them the answers they want to hear. If life or "the cure" was go for a walk then believe me in this time of Covid-19 and the NHS being so busy I would not make a appointment to discuss my low moods. That is why I joined here hoping that maybe might understand. My doctor looks at me in a funny way or says " What??? " as he cannot understand myself getting my words all muddle up - I am now seriously trying to research whether a private consultant would take me for being me as at the end of the day they will be being paid and even though I will have to save up I am wanting to see the phycologist on television Emma Kenny - I feel now that if people cannot take me for the way I am then that's their issue - sorry to sound so irate on my first post here but drink is a depressant but I said over 10 years ago to a consultant that you could ask me a set of questions now and I will answer you exactly the same way as if I had a drink - but of course I am "daft" as drink exaggerates everything - I packed up drinking for six years and felt no better - I was told month after month previously in a stern way that if I was to pack up drinking then "you will not feel this way" then when I did stop and said I felt no different then I was told it would take a year to feel any difference. So a year went by and basically after 5 years I had a psychotic episode which I cannot remember but was lucky as my parents could ring a ambulance etc. anyway after being sectioned for 28 days I came out to be put on new medicine 2 mood stabilisers and a different antidepressant (although my doctor wondered why I had to have a mood stabiliser and a anti-depressant) I am now on the highest dosages on all three plus diabetes 2 tablets and 3 sets of high blood pressure tablets so its about 13 a day - anyway sorry to go on but I was shocked and upset to find out on my record that my episode was due to a alcohol binge.
I felt angry inside yet just went along with the answer given by the doctor and that is a alcohol binge can make you have a episode so anyway I asked for this " reason " to be taken off the computer - whether it has or not I do not know. The truth was I had issues with a chest infection and put on Haloperidol which kept me wide awake for over 2 days but anyway I drink again now - simply because of the scary experience for 28 days made me turn back - although I drink 14 units a week about 5 pints a week but that is usually in one night but nothing to 100 -120 units I used to knock back over 4 days in a week - nothing to be proud of but drinking alone in depression and ptsd becomes very easy. Now though my body wont take that and I drink more water than lager and packed up spirits many years ago. Plus I have found I can comfort eat so much with my anxiety - everything really gets me down.
I know that since being diagnosed in 1997 that I will never get better and be happy - they seem to think for instance that if Xmas is coming then I will be up and spending the day happy as its Xmas day but it does not work like that - my depression does not say its Xmas day today be happy - I don't enjoy being like this but if you dare try and explain how you feel then all you get is the tuts and the sighs and the classic go for a walk.
I hope no-one else does feel like this but just felt that by typing away just maybe someone might consider replying to me. Whatever happens let me wish you all to be safe through these difficult times.
Bye
 
A

Anxietyhell

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 14, 2021
Messages
897
The worst thing about any ongoing mental health issue is that no one can cure it.. We can be given meds, see therapists and doctors etc... Its like a daily battle of trying to manage how we feel and whats in our head and thoughts etc.. There are unfortunately no easy answers... There are of course all the techniques, ie exercise, go for a walk, try to avoid alcohol, have distractions etc etc.. They make it all sound so easy.. Some of that of course can help momentarily, but for most it's just like sticking a plaster over something and the plaster never stays stuck ( if that makes sense)... We feel we are expected to be " happy" even thankful on days like. Xmas -, when in fact I often feel worse because it is Xmas - and me, my life isn't how I would have wished it to be.. How can anyone " enjoy" being as we are, there is nothing enjoyable about it.. It just makes you feel more isolated, unheard and alone with it all... I hope you do find someone that you feel can help, I have reached out many times, but ultimately we only have ourselves I think
 
Bod

Bod

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 19, 2021
Messages
7,794
Location
Pretty Good
Welcome to the forum, I hope you can find some answers here as everyone is so helpful and caring.
 
Anime-Alchemy

Anime-Alchemy

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 21, 2013
Messages
7,419
Location
A comet
Hello Taylor3, welcome to the forum.
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
2,422
I wonder if some of the problem lies with the expectations placed on these Doctors etc. If there's a expectation (e.g. results expected quickly), they might change their work ethics just to hit their targets/expectations, or use drug abuse etc. as a means to excuse their lack of results (I'm just surmising here), but it crosses my mind. I think anyone who is suffering has a expectation, and perhaps finding ways to achieving that expectation might help. There is a qualified Therapist on YouTube called Kati Morton who does questions and answers as well as posting many useful videos on all things Mental Health. As she is outside of the system I think you might find contacting her useful and I have no doubt she will understand your struggles exactly as you describe them. She also puts people at ease and when feeling unpressured people are almost certainly going to be able to put into words more easily how they are feeling etc. Hope this helps. :)
 
OCDguy

OCDguy

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 13, 2016
Messages
2,422
Well I am not sure what to say other than I am now at the point where I feel for how many years I have left in life then I wont be dictated or shouted at by busy doctors or sarcastic consultants making comments simply because my situation has not changed.
What I am trying to say is (and I never think quick enough on a appointment to say it) is it is not my fault I cannot give them the answers they want to hear. If life or "the cure" was go for a walk then believe me in this time of Covid-19 and the NHS being so busy I would not make a appointment to discuss my low moods. That is why I joined here hoping that maybe might understand. My doctor looks at me in a funny way or says " What??? " as he cannot understand myself getting my words all muddle up - I am now seriously trying to research whether a private consultant would take me for being me as at the end of the day they will be being paid and even though I will have to save up I am wanting to see the phycologist on television Emma Kenny - I feel now that if people cannot take me for the way I am then that's their issue - sorry to sound so irate on my first post here but drink is a depressant but I said over 10 years ago to a consultant that you could ask me a set of questions now and I will answer you exactly the same way as if I had a drink - but of course I am "daft" as drink exaggerates everything - I packed up drinking for six years and felt no better - I was told month after month previously in a stern way that if I was to pack up drinking then "you will not feel this way" then when I did stop and said I felt no different then I was told it would take a year to feel any difference. So a year went by and basically after 5 years I had a psychotic episode which I cannot remember but was lucky as my parents could ring a ambulance etc. anyway after being sectioned for 28 days I came out to be put on new medicine 2 mood stabilisers and a different antidepressant (although my doctor wondered why I had to have a mood stabiliser and a anti-depressant) I am now on the highest dosages on all three plus diabetes 2 tablets and 3 sets of high blood pressure tablets so its about 13 a day - anyway sorry to go on but I was shocked and upset to find out on my record that my episode was due to a alcohol binge.
I felt angry inside yet just went along with the answer given by the doctor and that is a alcohol binge can make you have a episode so anyway I asked for this " reason " to be taken off the computer - whether it has or not I do not know. The truth was I had issues with a chest infection and put on Haloperidol which kept me wide awake for over 2 days but anyway I drink again now - simply because of the scary experience for 28 days made me turn back - although I drink 14 units a week about 5 pints a week but that is usually in one night but nothing to 100 -120 units I used to knock back over 4 days in a week - nothing to be proud of but drinking alone in depression and ptsd becomes very easy. Now though my body wont take that and I drink more water than lager and packed up spirits many years ago. Plus I have found I can comfort eat so much with my anxiety - everything really gets me down.
I know that since being diagnosed in 1997 that I will never get better and be happy - they seem to think for instance that if Xmas is coming then I will be up and spending the day happy as its Xmas day but it does not work like that - my depression does not say its Xmas day today be happy - I don't enjoy being like this but if you dare try and explain how you feel then all you get is the tuts and the sighs and the classic go for a walk.
I hope no-one else does feel like this but just felt that by typing away just maybe someone might consider replying to me. Whatever happens let me wish you all to be safe through these difficult times.
Bye
Just checking in to see how you are. :)
 
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