Why I hate human nature - anyone agree?

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HoggiePoggie

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#1
Since my recent bout of anxiety and depression I have "realised" the cruel reality of humanity and how the nature of people is horrid.
The main questions that often pop into my head when thinking about this are;
1. Why do good (I use the term "good" loosely) people become "bad"
2. Why are people deceitful
3. Why do people hide their true colours
4. Why do people help others when it suits them, and only to benefit themselves or to free themselves from guilt/make themselves look good

My realisation has severely damaged my trust in others, I have let go of many people who I was good friends with mainly because I have realised who they truly are. I have yet to find Friends who are genuine and I worry that in this generation being a "snake" has become commonplace. Question 4 was raised after my suicide attempt, only a few of my so called friends actually came to my aid and even fewer are continuing to support me everyday. I know it sounds selfish but does it really take that much out of someone's day to send a little message to someone?
Does anybody share this idea or am I just delusional because of my mental illness?
 
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Prairie Sky

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#2
Sadly, I think you've hit pretty close to the mark with a lot of that. Human nature is flawed at the deepest level. It always has been - not just in this generation. People are so often two-faced, putting on a good impression while serving self underneath.

Christianity ought to be the answer to this, but even as a Christian I see it all too often in me - being completely self-absorbed to the point that I'm not there for others who need help. I'd like to blame it on bipolar but that seems like the easy way off the hook!

Then too depression darkens our view of the world around us. It takes the worst things, which are true, and blows them out of proportion.

I make an effort to always think the best of others, and make excuses for them if they fail. It doesn't change the fact that what they did was wrong and it hurts, but it does help me be more compassionate to realize that they may be going through a lot themselves. We can only do what we can do.
 
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HoggiePoggie

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#3
Sadly, I think you've hit pretty close to the mark with a lot of that. Human nature is flawed at the deepest level. It always has been - not just in this generation. People are so often two-faced, putting on a good impression while serving self underneath.

Christianity ought to be the answer to this, but even as a Christian I see it all too often in me - being completely self-absorbed to the point that I'm not there for others who need help. I'd like to blame it on bipolar but that seems like the easy way off the hook!

Then too depression darkens our view of the world around us. It takes the worst things, which are true, and blows them out of proportion.

I make an effort to always think the best of others, and make excuses for them if they fail. It doesn't change the fact that what they did was wrong and it hurts, but it does help me be more compassionate to realize that they may be going through a lot themselves. We can only do what we can do.
That is how I feel exactly, bar the Christian views as I have difficult finding religion. I would not describe myself as an atheist however, just that I often found myself straying from the path of religion.
I always tried to make excuses for others, but it has gotten to the point where I can no longer do it when I am continually wronged, looking at events caused by my ex and her friends whom I was still friendly with has only served to deepen my resentment. I would not have ever have said that I was a spiteful person, but I have only become vengeful towards these people and hold no forgiveness for them.
Yet I still empathise with them, they have been through mental health issues themselves and I did everything in my power to pull my ex out of it, which only further angers me since she should knoe what it feels like to be pushed to the edge. There is a part of me that tells me to go running if she should ever fall into a place like mines, yet another side says "why should I help her when the only thing she did was push me down further"
 
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Kerome

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#4
I largely agree with you both, and would add that this is “learned behaviour” which for most people only pops up once they hit teenage years. The impulse to do good seems for a lot of people to get eroded by contact with desire and materialism and ideas of status.

But it is also about who you choose to connect with. Buddhist people seem to have a better handle on this than many non-humanist atheists. The company you keep does very much influence when and where you make progress, and if you end up finding a spiritual side to yourself. You have the option to go looking for a better, more real type of person who is more grounded in compassion and generosity of spirit.

The thing that I often do is keep in mind the fact that everyone suffers, and many people are so caught up in their own cycle of Worry-Anxiety-Fear that they don’t leave room in their thoughts for loving-kindness and empathy. Society, with its focus on greed, desire and materialistic things, does its best to beat these things out of people.

I don’t think it is “human nature” per se. I think a lot of this is learned, from what people see around them. Given better examples, people can be better, more forgiving, more compassionate, more spiritual.
 
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HoggiePoggie

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#5
I largely agree with you both, and would add that this is “learned behaviour” which for most people only pops up once they hit teenage years. The impulse to do good seems for a lot of people to get eroded by contact with desire and materialism and ideas of status.

But it is also about who you choose to connect with. Buddhist people seem to have a better handle on this than many non-humanist atheists. The company you keep does very much influence when and where you make progress, and if you end up finding a spiritual side to yourself. You have the option to go looking for a better, more real type of person who is more grounded in compassion and generosity of spirit.

The thing that I often do is keep in mind the fact that everyone suffers, and many people are so caught up in their own cycle of Worry-Anxiety-Fear that they don’t leave room in their thoughts for loving-kindness and empathy. Society, with its focus on greed, desire and materialistic things, does its best to beat these things out of people.

I don’t think it is “human nature” per se. I think a lot of this is learned, from what people see around them. Given better examples, people can be better, more forgiving, more compassionate, more spiritual.
I do agree that there are people out there who do value others and are genuine, but the majority of people do not fit the description. I see these people as breaking the mould, hencewhy I see it as human nature.
While I do understand it is wise to take care of yourself, there is a difference between self compassion and selfishness and in my opinion many people blur this line.
 
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Sadaf

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#6
Hey there!
You're somewhat right, people are decietful and most of the times unworthy of trust. We are flawed and we do bad things intentionally or unintentionally. But how will you survive if you only see the worst in people? It's really difficult to live like that.
You can try to see the good in people and ignore the bad to the extent that it doesn't cause you or anyone else any harm. I've read this somewhere, "the world is full of good people. If you can't find one, then be one." This is what I would suggest you. If you fail to see the good in the world, be the good yourself.
 
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HoggiePoggie

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#7
Hey there!
You're somewhat right, people are decietful and most of the times unworthy of trust. We are flawed and we do bad things intentionally or unintentionally. But how will you survive if you only see the worst in people? It's really difficult to live like that.
You can try to see the good in people and ignore the bad to the extent that it doesn't cause you or anyone else any harm. I've read this somewhere, "the world is full of good people. If you can't find one, then be one." This is what I would suggest you. If you fail to see the good in the world, be the good yourself.
It's not so much I don't see these people as good, it's difficult to explain but it's more the idea that people are selfish. I have met very few people who go out of their way to help others, aside from this site, in the real world people don't care unless they get some benefit out of it.
I've lived my life being the good guy, I've helped many people through their mental illness or just everyday issues. Yet I've always been a firm believer in altruism and karma, always believing that some day my help will pay off. And yes in a way it does by seeing these people live happy lives. What pains me is that they seem to forget about the ones who help, and the helpers are left to rot on their own.
It is the harsh reality that I live through everyday, I have few friends who go out of their way to speak to me, one of them admitted to just forgetting that I was struggling (he came to my house a few days after I tried to end my life and said there and then "I had forgotten I hadn't checked up on you in weeks"). When you hear that from someone who you've been there for through the whole of high school, it makes you question if people genuinely liked you
I do blame this nature of "anti-altruism" for my chronic loneliness, since I am unable to make any new friends due to being basically housebound by anxiety I have to cling on to my old friends, yet when they forget about my existence it makes me want to cut ties with them. Eventually it does lead to ties being cut as I take my frustration out on them and rather than admitting what has happened and trying to better our relationship they leave me behind to fend for myself.
I worry that eventually I will have nobody else.
 
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HoggiePoggie

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#8
Like I said I've had enough of only seeing the good in people. I don't see every little thing they do as bad, the people who I have let go were guilty of very horrid acts.
One of them harassed my closest friend in a manner I will not go into detail of, my ex blatantly ignored me, lied to me, has spread rumours about me and did not care that I had attempted suicide. Another friend called me manipulative and that I was trying to turn people against my ex despite the swathes of evidence that prove her guilty. Another called me selfish and manipulative for just attempting suicide and many others did not bat an eyelid to my suffering.
The ones who I so deeply trusted are now the ones who I hate the most.
 
sunset547544

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#9
It's true, everything is just a vanity project really, that's life. Trying to enjoy the simple things / moment is probably the best course of action, however difficult that might be ☺
 
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HoggiePoggie

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#10
It's true, everything is just a vanity project really, that's life. Trying to enjoy the simple things / moment is probably the best course of action, however difficult that might be ☺
That's what I've been concentrating on. Been caring more about keeping myself occupied than worrying about others, in the end it's their life decisions and if I'm better off without them then I'm happy for them to leave. As my mum says "when you're better in 2,3,5 maybe even 10 years time you'll be in a good place and they'll still be struggling because nobody will be there to help them. You'll have the choice of going back to that life of being taken for granted or you can watch them suffer and I don't know which one is worse"
 
Prairie Sky

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#11
Do you mind if I share a couple of verses from the Bible?

Cast thy bread upon the waters: for thou shalt find it after many days. Ecclesiastes 11:1

But love ye your enemies, and do good, and lend, hoping for nothing again; and your reward shall be great, and ye shall be the children of the Highest: for he is kind unto the unthankful and to the evil. Luke 6:35

You talked of altruism and karma. That's what the first verse means, about casting your bread on the waters. What goes around will come around - but not necessarily in direct reciprocation from the one you helped. Maybe you will never get the blessing from it until the next life.

Which is where the second quote comes in. When I said earlier that Christianity ought to be the answer to this whole problem, this is why. God has had more people spit in his face than anyone else in history. And yet he's the very personification of love. The more one follows him and becomes like him, their capacity to love the unthankful will grow.

It's not easy, I'll tell you that. But I've seen it in enough true Christians - many of them who have helped me when I couldn't or wasn't willing to give back - that I know it's possible. It's a goal I'm fighting for.
 
Passionflower

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#12
I don't believe that most humans are bad people.I find people to be generally kind and unselfish. I don't know whether it is because I am older(48) and mainly mix with people of the same age or older but I find people to be generally good.I do think that what you put out to the world, is generally what you get back but obviously there are exceptions to a rule.There are some very bad people in the world who will create mayhem where ever they go but I have an inbuilt radar for those type of people and give them a wide berth. I try very hard to be a 'good' person and I do think that other people generally try to do the same.
 
Anime-Alchemy

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#13
I used to and still kinda do think the same way in regards to humans but i know for me it is my mental health doing this mostly.
Instead, i strive for looking for the best in people. It's difficult with my mental health, brain and mind as it is.

There are good people out there. Some of it or perhaps most of it is down to luck. For example, you can't choose which family you are born into, so if you are lucky and you have loving parents then you could say that is good luck. It's also the same in regards to which country, city and area in that city. Add on to that, the people that live in the area you live in.
This paints a gloomy picture but this is not the entire view. Whilst we can't choose things such as location of birth, family, etc. We can choose who our friends are, the people we want to form a bond with and have a connection with.

As for those who are fickle, un-trust worthy, shallow, the problem is with them not you. I hope you can continue to move forward and continue to make great friends. Ignore and don't waste energy and time on the haters and deceitful.
 
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HoggiePoggie

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#14
@Passionflower, I do agree that older people (I'm 18 henceforth the term older, I don't mean it as an offense) are much more accepting, family members whom I thought would take my mental health not so seriously have proven to be the ones who are the most helpful and I get along much better with them, possibly because I seem mature for my age. Generally speaking those of my age look to only better their own social status and further boost their ego, creating this stigma that unless it benefits you don't bother doing it. That's where I differ as I do not see the point in boosting your ego at such an age, granted university and all that jazz may play a role yet once that's finished where will you be? As my uncle has said these are the types of people who will be having mid life crises as they can't deal with the lack of partying or social interaction that empowered their ego. I don't look for personal development through this, I get my kicks from seeing others flourish and thinking "I did that for you". I just see this generation as selfish morons.
@Anime-Alchemy I have this difficulty in viewing people I don't knoe as "people" more like blank canvasses, it is when the people whom I have painted that canvas with decide to wash all that I've done for them away that damages me. Believe me I have completely cut ties with these people, yet I still hold that feeling of "what will they do without me? What if I'm making things worse for them?" and my vengeful side is telling me to turn people against them. The latter is not what I want at all, I want people to see what they're truly like but then again, those who have stayed loyal to me are the ones who brought me out of my dissilusionment (if that's a word lol) so I have no need for that. It's just change I deal with badly and it worse when people I love change for the worse, they may think it's better for them and they're totally allowed to do that, yet I'm too overprotective and worry about them constantly
 
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Kerome

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#15
HoggiePoggie have you ever read up on co-dependency? That’s a form of attachment disorder where you get very involved in what other people are doing... perhaps you have a touch of this?

Most people I know in your situation - and I know one or two who have gone through a similar crisis - would be disappointed and a little pissed off, but I can’t recall either of them mentioning vengeful thoughts or difficulty letting go.
 
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HoggiePoggie

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#16
HoggiePoggie have you ever read up on co-dependency? That’s a form of attachment disorder where you get very involved in what other people are doing... perhaps you have a touch of this?

Most people I know in your situation - and I know one or two who have gone through a similar crisis - would be disappointed and a little pissed off, but I can’t recall either of them mentioning vengeful thoughts or difficulty letting go.
I did actually think about it once but I just put it down to overprotective nature or just the fear of loneliness compelled me to hold on. I'll look it up and I'll possibly bring it up when I see a psychologist/psychiatrist.
Honestly that would put my mind to rest knowing that it's Co-dependency rather than just a character trait, at least there would be something that could help it.
Thanks for bringing that up though, has put this whole thing into a new perspective however I'm not going to convince myself that I do have that, would rather have a professional confirm rather than self diagnose.
 
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yacob33

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#19
I share some off the points that you have pointed out. I really hate the way that this co-dependant world has become stuck in some kind of endless sea of material and false sense of self.

my views on why people are deceitful and don't show there true colours are cos off fear. Humans TRUE nature has become the strange, taken over by brainwashing we are subject to through media, some music, news, celebrity and the next new martial item we must BUY BUY BUY.
The way the world works now is the only way to "get ahead" is to be bad, break some ones soul or worse kill them.
I Know this to be true ! its not aloud to be said cos the world is asleep

UNPLUG PEOPLE .
I hope this has not sunk u deeper , my aim is to say I am with you . You are not alone
PEACE .
 
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ramboghettouk

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#20
people care about cancer and heart disease because they're worrried they may get it and children it's hard wired into you but mental illlness you assune you know your mind and won't get

then theres this egoism and selfishness pushed at the moment, think of no one, hussleing, your expected to fight your way to the top and those at the bottom it's their own fault
 
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