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Why I Am Depressed.

  • Thread starter I wanttobeindependent
  • Start date
I

I wanttobeindependent

Member
Joined
Mar 14, 2021
Messages
10
Location
Pittsburgh PA
1. I want to be independent really badly.
2. I have panhypopituitarism and type 1 diabetes.
3. I have harming OCD and GAD.
4. I listened to one doctor who took me out of one toxic school where I got bullied by people I considered friends, and unknowingly got panic attacks and most likely a Hemifacial spasm.
5. Got put in another toxic school. Got bullied three. Got moved out and separated by my only true friend.
6. Got put in the autism room, drama happened, caused a classmate to attempt suicide almost daily, I got OCD, started failing, basically got kicked out.
7. Got put in another school admits my predictions I would get bullied. Guess what happened? Got bullied over a stupid bus seat.
8. Finally fell in love with that place. Graduated, totally ignored when I said I didn't want to leave.
9. Went to a after high school program. Struggled with a teacher. Graduated throughout the pandemic and losing my dog I grew up with.
10. I lived in my own apartment a few blocks away from where I used to live when I was little.
11. The same doctor who encouraged us to get a Dexcom G5 which caused more problems for us, encouraged me if I am going to eat a bigger meal to dose up one more unit which ended up with me in the hospital due to low Cortisol, the hospital saying I had too much sugars, my mom freaking out, moving me out against my will, basically ruining my life.
12. Me trying to be happy again in my old childhood house. Nope.
13. Me determined to go back to it signed back up on the waiting list.
14. This week we bought a dog to start his medical training. It's the exact dog I want. I got my vaccine. They said start looking for another place for her to live. It wasn't expected to happen this early.
15. I can't say no because if I do I will be still stuck here. I know we are going to be looking at places like group homes with people and staff around but I don't want that. People trigger me. I have no friends and my counselor only works two days. My family will never get me so I can't talk to them either.
16. My mom wants to turn my childhood house into a group home for me. My response to that? Ew.
17. I am going to escape from wherever I am when it's available no matter what.
18. I am tired of letting other people choose what they think is best for me. If I can't make a choice for my own life I would rather honestly die.
19. And that's why since Thursday I have been extremely depressed, no appetite, not even my favorite things helping me at all. I am currently awake in the morning typing this for like the millionth time because my phone keeps pressing done when I'm not done. I don't know what to do. My apartment building is my dream home. I don't want to live at all if I can't live there.
 
I

I wanttobeindependent

Member
Joined
Mar 14, 2021
Messages
10
Location
Pittsburgh PA
Just to clarify I got OCD due to the anxiety reaction of the daily suicide attempts. We have also tried nurses and they didn't show up half the time, quit, or even triggered me too much. My family mostly my mom underestimates me, immediately assumes I will need help insisted I needed people to help me fill up my pills, guess what they did? Triggered me even more and messed up my pills.
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 6, 2021
Messages
1,322
Location
Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
Is there a social worker you can talk to? I'm not exactly sure how they work, but I know they can find people housing. They did for me when I was in the hospital and they got temporary housing for me. Sorry if I didn't get the gist of your story, and this post is off-base.
 
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