Why don't I get better

[KP1]

I'm taking the meds I'm going to the therapy why don't I get better. I feel worn out, I want to cry but still can't. I can't accept this at all. I thought depression was suppose dto be as treatable illness so why doesn't the treatment work? Its got to be one of the cruelest illnesses because you think you are getting better and then you find out you are not. There is no time table no plan just relentless misery and I am fed up with it all.

 

[mad as a hatter]

i know how ur feelin sometimes u feel ur gettin somewhere then bang u get hit with somethin eise it,s like hurdles u gotta jump i almost feel like i,m bein punished in some way when i,m depressed makes u hate ur self in some way like it,s all ur fault when it,s not it,s the illness that,s makin u think that oh i don,t know where i,m in 1 then moods i don,t know if i,m makin sense ne more

 

[telemetry9]

I know personally; it's difficult to get even ground to stand on. I have stages of being well and then I make plans for the future. Many times I have had to forgo those plans in the despair and emptiness that would begin again. My sense of wanting to - simply evaporated and the ideas that seemed positive now seem like burdens and appointments I have to find excuses to leave.
It shatters my confidence. This time I have planned to go to college one day a week. Again; my hope has evaporated. I look at all the papers and forms I have filled in and think about the interview I will be going to with increasing familiar emptiness and sense of pointlessness. That I have wasted my time and that of the college.
This time I have decided I am going to continue despite my "feelings". I can't let the depression take everything away from me as it has taken so much already.

 

[galwaygirl]

I'm taking the meds I'm going to the therapy why don't I get better. I feel worn out, I want to cry but still can't. I can't accept this at all. I thought depression was suppose dto be as treatable illness so why doesn't the treatment work? Its got to be one of the cruelest illnesses because you think you are getting better and then you find out you are not. There is no time table no plan just relentless misery and I am fed up with it all.

I think everyone on here will relate to how your are feeling. Wouldnt it be great if you took the tablets first time and they worked. They seldom do. Because to start with the medication messes with the mind that is messing you up in the first place.
Yes, you said it correctly when you said "its got to be one of the cruelest illnesses because you think you are getting better and then you find out you are not".
Life can be very cruel indeed. But keep trying and dont let things get you down too much. Just be aware that there are many many people out there who are suffering too and we do understand.
I just want to send you a great big hug and let you know I am thinking of you.

 

[KP1]

That was so nice the lovely hug thank you for that.
I'm trying a different tactic now. I read somewhere that you must make your self do things even when you don't feellike it so today I've been swimming and met a friend for coffee.I think it does take more effort and I'm fighting tiredness all the time.
KP

 

[Dollit]

Don't give yourself a hard time KP - my last major depression last 14 months and I thought it was never going to lift. One of my colleagues went on sick leave and when he came back he said it was like meeting a new person. It can lift and it often does.

 

[Broken Spirit]

KP please remember your illness is only part of who you are, you have so much to offer the world, i know its tougher for you because you have depression but its not impossible to still have a fulfilling life. The very fact that you make the effort to communicate with others on this forum shows that there is more to you than your depression. Keep trying, good times will come i`m sure.

 

[Roxy]

Its very inspiring to read some of the uplifting comments that followed KP's post. To-day I had an appointment with my psychologist, she told me we were ready to 'tie things up' as our sessions would be ending. I put a brave face on and said I felt I had moved on and was coping better, but like the others on here I'm really scared because there are so many days I struggle to leave the house and feel life will be an ongoing battle.

However, I will continue to fight this because the alternative is too scary to contemplate, I've let my condition rule me for too long, its time to try to
take control and move forward.

Good luck to everyone who is trying to cope with this illness and improve their lot at the same time.

 

[Broken Spirit]

Hi Roxy

Just read your thread, its good to hear your psychologist feels you are ready to move on & has confidence in you even if you are not so sure you are ready. You talk about how hard a struggle it is to leave the house some days & i can understand that, but try & focus on the days that you do manage to leave the house & give yourself some credit for what you have achieved, no matter how small. Maybe this is what we need to see on these threads some positive news, like, this is what i acheved today & how good it made you feel. Not only would it be good for you ,it would also be uplifting for others & give them hope . You did something positive today in taking the time to read my post & respond to it, you did that not anyone else, & in doing so you made my day brighter. Granted we didn`t change the world between us, but its these small steps forward that count. Keep trying & take care.

 

[Dollit]

Roxy, it's good that your psychologist thinks it's time to let go. These sessions do come to an end at some point and you've probably achieved the objectives you agreed to begine with. But there is still support here, and maybe in groups closer to home?

Broken Spirit - there is actually quite a lot of good news on here! It's a growing forum so there's a lot of threads to go through but there is a lot to be thankful for here. I wouldn't come back if there wasn't!

 

[Roxy]

Thanks for the replies, yes we should congratulate ourselves for the small steps we make, they are important and help us to achieve greater things when we're ready.

I'm involved in a project nearby which is helping people like myself reach their potential, and we do offer each other support. This forum is invaluable, but I've recognised that I need more human contact and and a friendly face to talk to, it helps me feel less isolated. Although I'm not ready for work yet, I need the camaraderie of people who won't judge me, unlike some family members etc., who just don't want to know.

Take care everybody and look after yourselves

 

[KP1]

I have lost faith in medicaions my therapist wants me to see the consultant next week which I will try to do but IO have lost faith in medication. It occuredsto me today unless my memory is wrong which it could be I don't think I had suicidal thoughtd until I was on anti depressants so does that mean they are the cause or the solution of my problems I really don;t know any more.
All I know is that its one step forward 2 steps back and I can't accept this as being part of my life for the future. Maybe I should discuss a med free trial with the consultant has any one else done this successfully?
KP

 

[KP1]

I'm sorry I just don't knoew what to do any more to feelbetter.

 

[pegasus]

Hugs (((((((((( KP1 )))))))))))

I'm sorry you are going through a rough patch. Sometimes it takes a while to find the right dose of medication or the right type. In my experience, it's the therapy that really helps for depression, although the therapy can stir things up for us at times, in the long run it's the talking through it all that helps.

Hang in there because it does and will get better.

 

[telemetry9]

If you can find a depression support group in your area. They can be very useful places and bring all sorts of benefits and contacts that might come in useful when you are particularly unwell. Of course you have to feel ready. It took me about 2 years to decide to go and I'm glad I did.
Medication is a difficult thing for me because they work so well for a few months and then begin to stop. Lustral being an exception in that it worked for a few years and gave me a lot of my life back.
If you have long term depression and anxiety then it is worth continuing that journey to find a medication that might make all the difference to your life but of course it isn't all the answer to fighting depression as I'm sure you know.
The healing can be challenging in itself until you begin to want things for yourself again. Don't be hard on yourself until that sense of self returns.