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Why Does This Upset Me So Much?

SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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A few years ago I disclosed to someone that I have PTSD from my childhood. I wish I hadn't now because it seems every time I talk to her she is trying to come up with reasons she has it too.Some of the things she considers "trauma" are ridiculous. She told me once she's pretty sure she has it because she saw a dead bird on the road when she was riding in the car with her parents as a child.Just a few days ago she said she knows she has it because she has anxiety and because she has a hard time trusting people.

I have tried so many times to explain to her that it takes pretty significant,severe trauma to cause it.She tries to argue that with me saying her symptoms match.

I get so annoyed and irritated when I'm around her.I feel insulted that she thinks the things she says would get her the diagnosis.

I'm not sure why it bothers me so much.Why should I care that she seems to want the diagnosis so bad?Maybe it bothers me so much because the terms "trauma" and "PTSD" are taken so lightly by those that haven't experienced the type of trauma it takes to receive the diagnosis?That some people think that because something feels traumatic it must indeed be severe trauma?Maybe because after going through 17 years of sexual abuse she's claiming seeing a dead bird is at the same level?

I don't know but I need to find a way to deal with her without getting so upset.She doesn't know what caused mine other than me saying I had a "bad childhood "(and I'm not about to tell her either).I do have to see her sometimes so I need to figure something out.Any suggestions?

Also...I guess it's not just her that makes me feel that way.When I hear anyone trying to say they have it from things that seem not very traumatic I start feeling shaky and get anxiety and feel irritated.And I don't want to react this way.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Maybe tell her that she can only be sure she has it if the doctor disagnoses her with it? then the doctor will probably tell her she doesnt have it and that will hopefully be the end of that one :hug:
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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Maybe tell her that she can only be sure she has it if the doctor disagnoses her with it? then the doctor will probably tell her she doesnt have it and that will hopefully be the end of that one :hug:
I have told her that,many times.She's never bothered to schedule an appointment to do so though.The only time she seems to even think she has it or has issues is around me for some reason.

Maybe instead of talking about it at all or trying to educate her on what PTSD actually is I should just suggest she see a professional,end the conversation and walk away,if I can.If she continues maybe I should just tell her I do not want to talk about it anymore.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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ok so it sounds like she's trying to play the "i have that too" card cause some people try and turn everything around to themself, my brother's girlfriend does that

like say for example for my grandma's funeral she wanted a special mention just cause she popped by to see my grandma once in a Sheffield flood (ie: rarely) just on the basis that she's the girlfriend of my brother. Another example with her was i got engaged to be married and 5 minutes later she pressured my brother into them getting engaged, my engagement broke off but theirs remained and she twisted everything round to her

reason i'm saying all this is cause some people are like that :hug:
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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Well I wish I could give her my PTSD for a day,I think she would change her mind about wanting it
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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I don't compare traumas.I don't think that would be right to do.Yet I guess that IS exactly what I'm doing with this person.

It's wrong of me to do that.Who am I to judge her,I'm not inside her head.Maybe seeing a dead bird on the road really was traumatizing for her.Maybe she had such a stable,happy and wholesome childhood that seeing the bird was so far out of her normal existence that it had a huge impact on her.Maybe her world changed after that,maybe she realized not everything in life is as perfect as she thought.Or maybe it made her question her own mortality.Who knows.

Just because I wouldn't consider it trauma or she wouldn't get a PTSD diagnosis from it doesn't mean it wasn't traumatic for her.Maybe I should try to show a little compassion for her and see how that goes.Maybe she just wants her struggles to be validated,for her feelings to be validated.

Maybe next time she tells me something,like she saw a squirrel get hit by a car(or a butterfly lost it's wing...made up examples of course)and she knows she has PTSD from it I should put myself in her shoes.I would be upset if I saw something like that,I might even cry,but I wouldn't consider it trauma.But maybe for her it is.Maybe I should act like if would be so horrible and traumatic and validate her feelings.Maybe that's all she wants,maybe she's not really just wanting the diagnosis.

IDK.

But that's what I'm thinking now that I've used my medical marijuana.And now,trying to react/respond to her in a different way sounds like it's worth trying.The way I have been reacting sure isn't working out so well.I have anxiety for hours after I've been around her.So it's worth a try.
 
Chris Walken

Chris Walken

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Get her a badge made up:

" #PTSD / Me Too! "
She can use it for her avatar, on social media. Bit of luck, it'll 'go viral'. Then, in a couple of weeks time, having PTSD will become 'yesterdays fad' and us poor bastards who Genuinely have it will be left alone, to hunker down and exchange notes between ourselves.

 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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I was going to start a new thread but decided to just add on to this one instead.

Recently I was so upset again,not because of this person again though. It was someone and something different but the common thing was about getting PTSD from things that just simply can't and don't cause it.It really set me off.

I have really been struggling lately,my PTSD symptoms have been through the roof. I was even feeling suicidal for quite a few days.Im feeling much better today and able to think more clearly and rationally. And I do believe that when I am symptomatic,that's when I get so upset when people claim PTSD from things like a dead bird in the road,like I talked about at the start of this thread.Or other things that in no way can cause it.

It makes me feel insulted and invalidated. Like what I went through that caused mine was just something "upsetting " and not anything extremely traumatic and that I shouldn't struggle as much as I do. If I hear and read that someone supposedly has it from their pet turtle dying or a bad break up I instantly feel insulted and feel like screaming "really? are you kidding me?you cant possibly understand what it's like,what I go through,what I've been through, how debilitating PTSD is and can be and you're comparing what just about every human on the planet goes through to it?you're trying to say that your turtle dying is just as hard to deal with as 17 years of sexual abuse?you obviously have no clue what PTSD actually is,what type of trauma causes it or what the actual symptoms are".It upsets and insults me so bad it feels like my blood is boiling.

When I'm not symptomatic, like right now,it doesn't bother me at all.Someone could say they got it because they stubbed their toe and I wouldn't think twice about it.And I do realize this is my own issue that I need to deal with.

I'm sure those that have been diagnosed with PTSD and struggle with it can probably kinda relate to what I'm saying though. It's a pretty serious disorder to have and at times it feels so unbearable. Kind of like being sick in bed with the flu and you're soooooo sick and miserable and someone with a cold comes along and you're just like I don't even wanna hear about your cold right now,I'm just too sick to deal with it.

I know it's not right or ok for me to react the way I do.And I know it's something I need to work on.
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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Get her a badge made up:

" #PTSD / Me Too! "
She can use it for her avatar, on social media. Bit of luck, it'll 'go viral'. Then, in a couple of weeks time, having PTSD will become 'yesterdays fad' and us poor bastards who Genuinely have it will be left alone, to hunker down and exchange notes between ourselves.

I'm not so sure that PTSD is a fad but I do think it's become a buzzword. That along with calling someone a narcissist or saying things like "he's so Bipolar". I think sometimes the words get used and thrown around so much without people really even understanding what they are.

I do think many people use the term PTSD to describe anything upsetting anymore, more of just a saying. Thinking using it will better describe their suffering. Thinking anything traumatic equals PTSD.Ive even heard people say they have "some" ptsd,like they just have a little PTSD when really you either have it or you don't.

I think if people got to experience a day in the life of someone with it they might think twice before throwing the word around so easily. Kind of like when people laugh at me for my extreme startle response, if they knew what it felt like,if they got to experience it firsthand,feeling like they're literally gonna die when they're startled,they wouldn't laugh.
 
I

indigo6

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Oh Sunny what a pain she is. Youve reasoned her behaviour so well. I like Midnights suggestion to tell her diagnosed by professional. Tell her you will go with her, waste of your time yes but if shes aware she being an attention seeker your insistence to help her pursue will possibly shut it down.

I think the only thing you can do is exactly what you suggested, say you dont want to talk about it, end the conversation. Hope she copycats that too.

Not knowing whats under your trauma she is in the dark but she most likely wont understand the depth of what you have been through and dont bother telling her as if she doesnt drop her me too you will be really furious :hug:
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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its the same with ocd, people say "oh i'm so OCD" when they mean they want to wipe down a worksurface themself but they can leave it alone no problems
 
SunnyDaze

SunnyDaze

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its the same with ocd, people say "oh i'm so OCD" when they mean they want to wipe down a worksurface themself but they can leave it alone no problems
Yeah,I've heard people throw around OCD quite often. I don't have it so I have no clue what true,diagnosed OCD is like but I can imagine it feels invalidating when people do that.

I think it's ok to point out to people that having some OCD traits doesn't make it actual OCD. Same with PTSD, I think it's ok(or should be ok) to try to educate people on what it is,what causes it,etc.Especially when they wonder/worry if they have it.

That's the strange thing about mental illness, people get upset when they hear no,that's probably not what it is and explain why. I don't understand why anyone would get upset and want a certain illness.You very rarely see anyone wanting a physical illness. When people think they have a physical illness,share their symptoms etc they're almost always glad to hear that's probably not what they have.

Example,a sore,scratchy throat doesn't automatically equal throat cancer,bronchitis,strep throat,etc.People are relieved to hear that. But when it comes to any kind of trauma they go straight to PTSD and will actually get upset and argue their "right" to claim that label as if it's a badge of honor or something. It doesn't matter whether their trauma is even anything close to the level it takes to actually be professionally diagnosed with it,they want that title because it feels/felt traumatic to them.And that goes back to the sore throat analogy,sometimes a sore throat is just a sore throat and nothing more.

I don't understand why it's not ok to say so. Why play along,why pity or sympathize or coddle? Why not educate others instead?

I just don't get it.
 
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