hi
its not all about sex though, is it, maybe its the closeness, or the totally giving yourself to someone, maybe where you feel you cannot get it emotionlly or give it, maybe you still need that feeling of being wanted and needed by someone you do not feel obliged to?
you sound like you have a good friend, but you sound confused in your real feelings for him. emotions play a funny part in a life. talking really does help, although spilling out all your problems at once can be very over whelming to someone. your friend obviously makes you feel like you want more attention from him. sex aside, maybe you could let him know your feelings for him, but do not aplolgise , as for what I can see you are not using him, he is your friend and he is there for you. maybe a bit too much, which is confusing you. if that makes sense.
sorry am really crap with relationships and crave emotional attention but also feel I can only get this through, or am only worth being with for sex, but even that is better than no closeness at all.
S
i've had a crush on him before. when we were studying togther but would never have acted on it. i don't think i have feelings for him now. but then, i dont feel anything at the moment. nothing at all. perhaps it's easier that way.
i feel like i'm manipulating him with my actions yet i can't stop myself when i'm doing it. i'm telling him all the stuff from the dreams cos i want a reaction when i know that i shouldn't be doing.
in the front of my mind now is that my SO's done this to me before so why shouldn't i? if he can throw away our relationship twice and expect me to forgive and forget then why shouldn't i do the same?
Why is it what we want people to notice that something is wrong, without actually having to tell them.
I have this all the time.
I think that you need to see someone - I totally understand about not liking to talk to people, I hate it, but you sound like you need support.
This forum is great but I would really push to see your GP.
When I was feeling totally alone, and my family did not want to admit something was wrong, I put together all my notes, diarys and letters from the specialists. I gave it to them and asked for them to read it all - then I leff for a while. They still dont totally understand, but it helped them to see how I was feeling.
I hope you feel better XxX
It's a complete oxymoron to want people to understand without telling them iknow but surely someone must be able to notice? I'm going to see my GP in 15 days - well the 15th anyway - i can't get in before then. i emailed the samaritans yesterday and just now.
i blog online (
www.the-journey-of-anastasia.blogspot.com) and it helps but i worry who might read it.
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am feeling a lot calmer today. better, not really but calmer at least. i guess that's a start. the same feelings are still there but having gone out to aerobics and then to work this morning i guess i've had the distraction I needed that i didn't have yesterday.
I love my husband. I think I do anyway. We've been together 7 years today - he won't remember and I hate that. even though I reminded him days ago i know he'll forget. perhaps it should be ok as it's not our wedding anniversary but it'd still be nice for him to remember. I can't talk to him about this. He won't understand. I've been through depression before and he was there but he doesn't understand. He thinks I should just be able to work it out and get on with it and it's just not that simple. So why bother talking to him? everything I say ends up in a fight. I tell him that I feel he should help me out more around the house and he yells at me and tells me that he does loads and it's me that does nothing. He tells me he loves me all the time but i just don't believe him anymore.
I've never been any good at talking to people. writing is so much easier. i hate the feeling of being judged when someone's looking at you. I don't want to look stupid or weak.
The other guy is a friend, an old friend from uni. i don't know what i want from him. attention, love. i dont know honestly. my brain is just obsessed wtih him at the moment and I feel awful that i'm basically using him. i know i need to tell him what's going on but i can't. and i don't want to tell my husband about any of this? How do you tell someone you love and that you're maried to that you're not sure how you feel any more and that you don't know whether any of it is going to work? That perhaps you think you got married too young? how do you tell someone that without hurting them and making them hate you? Especially when you already hate yourself?
if he loved me would he have cheated though? even if he says it was just online sex. would he have done it? Should i have forgotten about it as it was years ago. when we first got together and while i was working away for 12 months. should i have forgotten and moved on?