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Why does my friend treat me like crap in front of the barmaid?

J

JohnnyScooby

New member
Joined
Oct 13, 2020
Messages
2
Location
Wales
Greetings,

I’ve been good friends with Michael (not his real name) for a few years now. He has some personality traits that I really don’t like and find very rude, a few examples are if we are discussing a topic and I say something then quite often he will make a sarcastic or rude remark and think that he’s being funny when he’s actually being plain rude, he often makes sarcastic comments to people behind a bar in a pub he doesn’t even know, if I point out that he’s wrong about something then he gets defensive and goes into a huff.

Anyway, we meet up once every few weeks for a few drinks and we often go to the same pub and he knows one of the barmaids and when she is there when we go into the pub, I just know what to expect. He speaks very loudly, which I find very embarrassing because everyone can hear our conversation. When she is in our presence then it’s only a matter of time before he says something and tries to belittle me; he will say something like, “Johnny has been...” and tells her things about my personal life and I really don’t like it. I’ve told him that I don’t like it and he replies that he’s just starting a conversation. Sometimes we used to take turns buying the beers and I noticed that when I paid he was quite happy to drink his pint quickly, but when he paid then he tried to control me and tell me to “take my time”. I mean, really? His controlling behaviour really annoys me.

I actually once had a brief conversation with the barmaid when he went to the toilet and she told me that he has been banned from a few pubs for opening his mouth to managers, bar staff, etc, and that one other lad who was drinking with him actually walked out over some sort of dispute. It’s as if he’s got a chip on his shoulder and he can’t maintain a friendship with anyone. He’s always using someone as a

I’m a very private person and I don’t like people knowing my business. He’s told me that he laughs at people who take themselves and life too seriously and he treats everything as a “joke”. I find his attitude to be ridiculous. He thinks because I have a wife that I am “under the thumb”, he bases that belief because all of his ex-girlfriends only used him for money.

I haven’t seen him in months because of the COVID-19 restrictions and it has made me think whether or not I should bother seeing him again when it’s allowed. When I compare going for a few beers with him to a few beers with any of my other mates then the dull and pessimistic worldview he has becomes even more apparent. I don’t want someone to tell me to drink my beer at a certain pace or have a mate go into a huff because I point out a mistake he has made, etc. He always used to put me down and have a go at me whilst I have a five-bedroom house, a wife and children, a brilliant job (I am a manager) and he lives in a one-bedroom council flat with no job, no girlfriend, no girlfriend or kids and nobody bothers with him anymore. I don’t criticise his lifestyle to him, so why does he feel the need to criticise my lifestyle? If I spend £100 on a pair of jeans instead of telling me that my jeans look nice he tells me that I should be more like he is and go to a charity shop and buy a pair of jeans for £5 at the most.

Why does he feel the need to try and drag me down? I think it’s because deep down he’s not happy with his own life.

Do you think I should bother with him anymore in the future?
 
jajingna

jajingna

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 31, 2020
Messages
1,307
Location
Canada
Just meet him occasionally or rarely, and maybe he'll get the hint you're not keen on his company these days?
 
Passionflower

Passionflower

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 15, 2011
Messages
1,861
Location
UK
He's probably jealous, but that is no excuse for his behaviour so I would probably ditch him if his friendship doesn't feel very positive.
 
JessisMe

JessisMe

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2020
Messages
4,578
Location
Nashua NH
I agree with passionflower. It sounds like your friend is jealous of your successes against his failures. He is probably having a go at you in front of the barmaid to try to bring your self esteem down to his shattered level. I’d limit your time with him as it seems to be mostly destructive and you have other friends. xo, j
 
Mayflower7

Mayflower7

Well-known member
Moderator
Joined
Jan 4, 2013
Messages
14,810
Location
England
Hi,
If it's causing you distress, I'd end the friendship.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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Joined
Apr 9, 2011
Messages
36,269
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
whatever is going on with him ,you deserve to be shown respect x do you think the friendship is worth saving?
if so i would try talk to him if not then i would sadly say you may need to end the friendship x
 
E

Elisante

Well-known member
Joined
May 16, 2020
Messages
1,304
Location
Greece
It just seems to be a personality "type", not something bad. I've seen people like him, they are like this with everybody. It's your decision whether or not you're going to stay friends with him.
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2013
Messages
34,865
Location
Mordor
Frame him for a drugs charge. That will teach him.
 
M

MouthyOne

Well-known member
Joined
Sep 14, 2020
Messages
94
Location
Scotland
He seems very childish and I understand why you are questioning the friendship.

I don't like the "people are too serious" line, seems that can be thrown out whenever he can't say what he likes. Again immaturity.

Guess you can only speak to him about the friendship and say you find some of his traits annoying. If you decide to continue with the friendship then he needs to know where the line is and not go beyond that.
 
J

JohnnyScooby

New member
Joined
Oct 13, 2020
Messages
2
Location
Wales
If you heard someone saying something in a sarcastic tone or being rude and he/she was with someone else, would you assume the other person was like him/her? I don’t like it when he is awkward to other people because I think they think that I’m the same as he is, which is the complete opposite of the truth.

I don’t think he’s ever had a job and I can recall plenty of times when we were out when he made comments about strangers. I mean, really? I don’t like to criticise people but he doesn’t have a job, quite clearly does not take care of himself and wears the same clothes all of the time. I think his “I don’t care” attitude is really strange because I don’t know anyone else who goes on the way he does in general. Every thing is always someone else’s fault and he’s always insulting someone. All of my other friends are “normal” and we always have a good night out drinking beer and playing poker or chess, but when I see him it’s just so different because he just sits on the sofa in the pub and behaves in very erratic ways such as looking around all of the time, making comments when people walk past, etc.

Even before the restrictions I wasn’t really seeing him often because he used to really annoy me.

When the restrictions are eased and I can go to the local pub I don’t really want to see him there, but I think he will deliberately go there and try and cause an argument with me.
 
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