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Why does my close friend with depression shut me out - but keeps other people?

D

dewey

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Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,538
My close friend has a history of mental health problems including depression/anorexia and is currently struggling again. I know she is not doing well. I also have depression and whenever I am low, she has always been there for me and helps me out loads. We have had a close friendship for a few years now. However when she gets down and low for a while, she doesn't talk to me hardly at all. She just shuts me out, but she still seems to talk to other people judging from her social media posts. I don't get why this is, it makes me feel hurt, rejected and abandoned, and I just don't understand it. It makes me feel insecure and like she doesn't really like me at all, even though I know in my mind, she is going through something.

I wonder why is it she is shutting me out but still seems to talk to others? Is it because she can be fake with these people and cover it up with them, but she knows she can't pretend with me and would have to actually open up? Is it because she doesn't want to burden me with her problems when she knows I have problems of my own? Or does she just not value me as a friend and has our whole friendship been a lie? It doesn't feel like a lie from my angle, so I just don't understand her behaviour.

Overall I would like to be there for her and help her, so it is worrying when she behaves this way. Please can someone give some wisdom
 
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OliviaAustralia

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Joined
Apr 23, 2020
Messages
79
Location
Australia
Im really sorry you feel that way, it must be hard on you. Remember its highly unlikely to be as sinister as you think it is.

I would recommend you simply talk to her about it. In a loving non-accusatory way, explain the way you've been interpreting things and ask her if you're misunderstanding something. Often a simple chat to clear things up can give you enormous relief because it'll stop your imagination running wild with the worst possible possibilities.

Also keep in mind that things are rarely what they seem when it comes to social media.
I hope this helps a little.
 
M

MildlyDepressed

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May 10, 2020
Messages
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Location
Rosemead
Speaking from experience, i dont consult my clinically diagnosed depressed friend about my own depression because i feel like 1. My depression may be inferior to his and i dont want my problems to be seen as small ig. 2. I dont want to bring him down anyfurther with my own troubles. Make of that what you will
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

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Joined
Feb 6, 2021
Messages
308
Location
Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
I used to have a friend for several years that I met in the hospital. We would text a lot and that really helped with my depression. But all of a sudden she stopped texting me. I texted her if our communication with each other was over. I never got a response from her. I'm not sure if it's because of something I said. I'll text her right now to see if it was indeed something I said.
 
MoonShapedPool

MoonShapedPool

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Joined
Feb 1, 2021
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1,634
Location
Lancashire
I agree with others,It`ll be nothing personal,
they probs just don`t want to go to someone
who has their own stuff going on.
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

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Joined
Feb 6, 2021
Messages
308
Location
Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
I used to have a friend for several years that I met in the hospital. We would text a lot and that really helped with my depression. But all of a sudden she stopped texting me. I texted her if our communication with each other was over. I never got a response from her. I'm not sure if it's because of something I said. I'll text her right now to see if it was indeed something I said.
I did text her and this is what she said: "I'm having a very difficult time and your texts can be very triggering to me. I cannot be a support to you right now."
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

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Feb 6, 2021
Messages
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Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
I have hope that we can indeed text each other in the future, because she said, "I cannot be a support to you RIGHT NOW."
 
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Pantone175104

Member
Joined
Feb 10, 2021
Messages
5
Location
Uk
I did this to my friend. Sometimes it easier to tell a stranger or someone your not close with. I never wanted my friend to feel like they failed me for not noticing and I was somewhat embarrassed I was feel like that when she was always there for me.
 
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Ladyfair

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Joined
Aug 12, 2020
Messages
1,381
Location
USA
People are not perfect, I guess I expect too much from a relationship. I have had so called friends who I really liked only to get hurt by them. Im so confused about people and wonder if not having friends is a smart thing.☹
 
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