- Jun 25, 2020
Hi, I'm not exactly sure if this is OCD, and if it's mild or a bit more but I really want to know what's going on with me. When my brain thinks of an idea it latches onto it and won't let go until I do something. I think it might be magical thinking OCD? Why do I experience like these weird superstitious paranoid bouts when just living my regular life? I know quite a lot of people have this thing where if say they're organizing something and it's not symmetrical they start to feel anxious, or if they don't count in threes then they feel like something terrible is about to happen. I'm quite religious and I often feel really nervous and anxious when, for example, I place an object down and it doesn't face 45 degrees right, or if I take a pullup bar down when I go to sleep I'll be fine, and if I don't do those things I start to convince myself that something terrible is going to happen, if I use a certain textbook at a certain time I won't do well in that subject at GCSE. Like, stupid tiny things like that constantly bug me the whole day. And they're so random and stupid constantly, and for some reason, it feels like my conscience or gut is telling me to do those things, and they seem so irrational but I have this fear that if I don't do these little superstitions my life will go bad, bad things will happen if I don't do them. And I have a lot of trouble distinguishing between my morality and faith and these stupid irrational gut feelings. It's like my mind keeps on making these weird stupid problems out of weird tiny things and once it latches onto a problem I start obsessing over it and have trouble assuring myself that I'm being stupid. I've tried ignoring it but it just keeps on coming back to nag me again and again. These weird stupid problems and superstitions of bad luck and misfortune out of these tiny things like sleeping on my left side instead of the right, or looking in the mirror twice before going to bed. And after I do those things, I never feel satisfied, my brain keeps on telling me to look four times instead of two, and stupid stuff like that. These matters are really trivial and stupid but they really frustrate me and often make me feel anxious and stressed bad things will happen. I'm just venting here because I just want to know why my brain keeps on doing this and I know most people often have this. How do I get past it? My mind keeps on getting these intrusive irrational thoughts that I link to actions. For example, I haven't seen my girlfriend in five months, and I'm really getting desperate to see her, and there's a good chance I'll see her in the next few weeks. If I say, do something that might be considered immoral or wrong, like masturbating, for example, I start to convince myself that because I did that tiny thing, God is going to punish me and will not let me see her for a long time, and bad things will happen to me. These stupid intrusive thoughts keep pushing themselves into my head and I start to get really anxious and nervous that they will happen, and that they may be inevitable. What is this? Am I right in thinking it's superstitious magical thinking OCD? Or something else.