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Why does my brain keep on doing this?

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Pancakes

New member
Joined
Jun 25, 2020
Messages
2
Location
English
Hi, I'm not exactly sure if this is OCD, and if it's mild or a bit more but I really want to know what's going on with me. When my brain thinks of an idea it latches onto it and won't let go until I do something. I think it might be magical thinking OCD? Why do I experience like these weird superstitious paranoid bouts when just living my regular life? I know quite a lot of people have this thing where if say they're organizing something and it's not symmetrical they start to feel anxious, or if they don't count in threes then they feel like something terrible is about to happen. I'm quite religious and I often feel really nervous and anxious when, for example, I place an object down and it doesn't face 45 degrees right, or if I take a pullup bar down when I go to sleep I'll be fine, and if I don't do those things I start to convince myself that something terrible is going to happen, if I use a certain textbook at a certain time I won't do well in that subject at GCSE. Like, stupid tiny things like that constantly bug me the whole day. And they're so random and stupid constantly, and for some reason, it feels like my conscience or gut is telling me to do those things, and they seem so irrational but I have this fear that if I don't do these little superstitions my life will go bad, bad things will happen if I don't do them. And I have a lot of trouble distinguishing between my morality and faith and these stupid irrational gut feelings. It's like my mind keeps on making these weird stupid problems out of weird tiny things and once it latches onto a problem I start obsessing over it and have trouble assuring myself that I'm being stupid. I've tried ignoring it but it just keeps on coming back to nag me again and again. These weird stupid problems and superstitions of bad luck and misfortune out of these tiny things like sleeping on my left side instead of the right, or looking in the mirror twice before going to bed. And after I do those things, I never feel satisfied, my brain keeps on telling me to look four times instead of two, and stupid stuff like that. These matters are really trivial and stupid but they really frustrate me and often make me feel anxious and stressed bad things will happen. I'm just venting here because I just want to know why my brain keeps on doing this and I know most people often have this. How do I get past it? My mind keeps on getting these intrusive irrational thoughts that I link to actions. For example, I haven't seen my girlfriend in five months, and I'm really getting desperate to see her, and there's a good chance I'll see her in the next few weeks. If I say, do something that might be considered immoral or wrong, like masturbating, for example, I start to convince myself that because I did that tiny thing, God is going to punish me and will not let me see her for a long time, and bad things will happen to me. These stupid intrusive thoughts keep pushing themselves into my head and I start to get really anxious and nervous that they will happen, and that they may be inevitable. What is this? Am I right in thinking it's superstitious magical thinking OCD? Or something else.
 
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Hope8327

Member
Joined
Mar 24, 2020
Messages
11
Location
63755
Sorry you are having to go through all this.
I am going through something similar but instead of little tiny things mine are big things and they stick. One time I thought I had bed bugs that we got from staying on vacation. I literally thought they had them and that I brought them home. Cleaned out all closets put all the clothes in trash bags...was freaking out that they was all over me and biting me even though I didn't see anything. Literally went through that for months and finally that OCD went away. Then another thing starts up..worrying about my face (probably a little dismorphia mixed in with that also), I was literally inside and wouldn't go out for fear of someone seeing me (that lasted about 7 years), that went away and now it's religious OCD..got baptised and now it's like did I really believe...am I really saved. This stinks! I am also looking for coping measures. I thought about maybe using ERP. Exposure therapy but idk really how to go about doing that so I set myself up a counseling session.
 
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Narcissist714

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jun 14, 2020
Messages
117
Location
Bompton
It sounds like OCD but you should consider going to a professional and getting diagnosed. I used to have the same thoughts as you. I used to think if I don’t pray enough then something bad will happen or if I do something considered bad or not Christian then god will punish me and then I would have to pray to ask for forgiveness and it becomes a compulsion.

After I stopped believing in god, that’s when my intrusive thoughts about being punished went away for good. Ocd attacks what you value. It finds what you care about the most and it uses that to trick you and scare you causing a lot of doubt. Only way to overcome it is to treat it as a false thought because that’s all it is.

The thing with ocd is that you have to do the opposite of what it’s telling you. You have to go against it what it’s telling you. For example you said if you take the pull up bar down then you will be fine. Instead of doing that, keep the pull up bar up and go to sleep. You will feel a lot of anxiety at first but then if you keep ignoring it and continuing on as if the thought/feeling is not important the anxiety will go away eventually. It’s like you’re proving to yourself that these thoughts are false and not important by doing the opposite of what it tells you.

Look up Exposure and Response Prevention Therapy.
 
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Purpleplum

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 7, 2020
Messages
559
Location
U.S.
Make a plan up on how to stop. Come up with little steps. For instance try to put just ONE thing at not a 45 degree angle. When you start to feel anxiety, breathe deeply, start an activity, watch something on tv, etc....

Even if you go back to it and have to move it to 45 degrees an hour later, you made it an HOUR and that's a start.

You can unbreak the pattern.
 
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