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why does death tease us so dam much

M

my-straightjacket-please

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Aug 13, 2013
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559
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im gone take care email if you want its in my prof
im broke and dont want to go on anymore

but my wife my beliefs and not wanting to force cops and have it on them leaves me no real options

i lecture on here the good all that bullshit

what good im in 24 7 pain that most would be locked up screaming from

more problems every year every month or less pain grows

i sleep in a fuckin recliner bed tears my back up

i have never been popular but dam internet and life bull shit is way out of hand

i lost my real life friends i tried visiting nursing homes for people who dont get visitors

dam grill apps what the fuck i just want to talk to bring some happiness to someone left alone

i was big brothers sisters said o we got a kid lined up well over a year

i guess i aint worth shit dam a fart will be more popular than my funeral well except the cheering section the fuckers gone party

no one want to know me just want to judge and know my rough outside and how im not perfect

i have almost died to many times to count the last one 15 min more dam wife found me

why does death and life toy with me im thinking since i cant carry any plan out just commit myself get droolin sedated just nice blank empty drooling

and dont answer this post unless you mean it i called crises line dam guy sounded like i bored him

pr programed answers fake caring lies im sick of it and sick of hearing it

i learned early in life people lie people cant be trusted or let in your life people will stab abuse and rip you apart eventually

like the sone everything goes away in the end

you can have it all my empire of dirt well mine is empire of dogshit

i hate being strong i hate nor knowing how to quit i dont want wow your in that much pain or you cant be

i want to cry to curl up with my wife be wimpy dammit i dont know how

all i can do is hope a big accident or something maybe a train

its not worth it anymore they dont believe me they wont prescribe liquid only liquid for some reason works pills the whole bottle dont help

and there giving up been to all the docs all the meds doc is theres nothing left

then do like that one bitch euthanize me
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

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Aug 17, 2012
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The West Country
I am answering your post because I mean it - though I am not entirely sure i've got any wise words, I do just want to say that I hope this feeling eases of soon. Seems to me like you're feeling pretty shit, and i'm sorry to hear it.
 
AliceinWonderland

AliceinWonderland

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You sound in a bad way straightjacket, emotionally and physically. I will try not to bullshit. Like Somerset I'm not sure I have anything wise/helpful I can say. But I can say I always click on your posts cos I like to read them, they are worth reading, I like seeing what you have to say. I like a lot of your quotes, I should save some of them somewhere. What I'm trying to say is I see you differently from how you feel judged by everyone, I don't think you 'ain't worth shit' at all. I am sorry you feel hated and judged, and that people don't see past the 'rough outside' to what's on the inside. I've seen you give helpful responses to people on here, replies that I would have found helpful anyway if I were in that person's situation, and that would have shown me you were a person who cared enough to try and help.

You say you want to curl up with your wife and be wimpy but don't know how. Does she know how you feel? What do you fear about her response if you showed her what you needed/wanted from her? Sorry if these questions are too personal, you don't have to answer.

I hope you can find reasons to carry on, and that your suffering eases.
 
M

my-straightjacket-please

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Aug 13, 2013
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559
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im gone take care email if you want its in my prof
it comes and goes thanks Alice i have a over 60 page work document with quotes

i like to sit at home listen to music and read them or use that stumble upon thing to find things

i got some better news today still sucks but my chiro weighed me still 323 not good but hell in i dont know since i got big its stayed that went up to 340 something but lost that quick

got to just pull my head out of my ass and take the positive

like yea im overweight may not like it but my health and meds wont let me loose

so just need to be happy and almost perfect except sleep apnea otherwise no weight issues my temp and blood pressure are actually low

and what the hell im alive and to dam stubborn to stop living or fighting exercising etc

it just gives you real bad days when you forget the good or let the compartments mingle like food on your plate

and im who i am im glad if i have helped people or made others happy thats what i try net and life

i may be missing my shit filter and a habit of just saying what i think

they always say think before you speak i wonder if its a gift and a curse i cant

i say it how i see it i got the balls to yell or call a person out net or life to many in our lives sugar coat it

hold words and anger here and life we dont realize we may hurt feeling but people who matter appreciate the honesty over smoke up yer ass

my counseling and meds help but i have to accept like she said recently seasons and other may always trigger me

but at least my triggers are no longer pits with no way out

this is a long road 40 some years of fibro chronic fatigue chronic pain gland dying in my brain and more mental disorders and problems then my people have seen

see im a record setter

my dad is the best hes my hero but in that time they didnt understand the above problems

jobs my dad lazy not trying quitter etc so i became over driven

but in life you have too look at our past see the bigger pic and forgive

he wanted a solid good supporting man like he was

but the older i get the pain is harder to fight then the mental then the pain triggers the mental if i dont grab hold it does this and gets out of hand

just tired 40 some years and the worst most pittyfull is i say a 8 is my living comfort zone on the 1 to 10 scale there is not ten i just pass out

after a while that wears you out then age increases the pain and less tolerance

thanks you both for your words and honesty
 
L

lovagemuffin

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Oct 21, 2014
Messages
640
you can crawl out the hole again take one day at a time, stop sprinting to the finish line. youll feel better again.
 
M

my-straightjacket-please

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Joined
Aug 13, 2013
Messages
559
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im gone take care email if you want its in my prof
“'Shoot the wounded... what we do to people who are the most vulnerable... we 'shoot the wounded.' As if they haven't suffered enough, we add to it by gossiping and treating hurt people like outcasts." ..."I think we killed Ronnie's spirit... Instead of coming alongside her and supporting her through this, I failed her...”
― Lynn Dove, Shoot the Wounded

“We were promised sufferings. They were part of the program. We were even told, 'Blessed are they that mourn,' and I accept it. I've got nothing that I hadn't bargained for. Of course it is different when the thing happens to oneself, not to others, and in reality, not imagination.”
― C.S. Lewis

“There are far too many silent sufferers. Not because they don't yearn to reach out, but because they've tried and found no one who cares.”
― Richelle E. Goodrich

“To identify with others is to see something of yourself in them and to see something of them in yourself--even if the only thing you identify with is the desire to be free from suffering.”
― Melanie Joy

“Suffering teaches joy.”
― Sonia Rumzi

“When a person screams in pain, the actual pain is only half the noise they make. The other half is the terror at being forced to accept that they exist.”
― Noah Cicero

“When life gives you pain, accept it. When life gives you happiness, reject it.”
― Santosh Kalwar

“Nothing eases suffering like human touch.”
― Bobby Fischer
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

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Jul 8, 2013
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Mordor
“Those people, who hate you, envy your freedom.”
― Santosh Kalwar,
 
M

my-straightjacket-please

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 13, 2013
Messages
559
Location
im gone take care email if you want its in my prof
thanks muffin

the finish line is harder to see than the rope out of our pits

allot of mine im just tired of suffering alone walking along

tired of watching what i loved ripped away fixing things and lots more by my health

i try to see and stay positive make goals and achievement climb the hills see what i can still do

but walking with almost no one gets to be a boulder hard to bear or carry

im slowly climbing out seeing more clear but we always have over stuffed rooms that burst at times

thanks
 
dubblemonkey

dubblemonkey

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Oct 21, 2014
Messages
1,000
Location
australia
....stop pretending that you are alone.

some of us especially me ...

can easily identify with you...

and it's up to you!...

if you want to take this burden on your own shoulers...

you are not the first to be shattered by emotions!...

hang on or let go....

I have done both
 
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