Why do serious people and situations cause me so much anxiety?

[LunaticFringeLady]

I am not normally one who is shy around anyone as long as I'm laughing or joking around and having a good time. I am the life of the party but when it comes to any sort of serious situation. I freeze up. I don't know how to react or comfort people. The reason I'm posting this is lately my boyfriend is going through a really tough time. He has recently been injured in an automobile accident and is pretty much bed bound. He is also going thru allot of other things. His ex wife has not let him see his children in over a year and he's very upset about that. On top of that he already suffers from depression and severe anxiety. He is very fragile and I don't know how to handle it. I should be there for him when he needs me the most, but instead I try to find every reason I can to stay away. I'm even to the point I want to break up with him, all because this is causing me so much anxiety. I can't handle being around people or situations like this. I even find myself nervously laughing at things that are sad or depressing. I am also nervous around people who are generally serious people. Why is this?

 

[Foxjo]

Hi
Can you not be honest with him and open up like you have here? You can't help feeling anxious. Talking helps.
Hopefully some members will come across your thread and offer some advice
Hugs
Fox

 

[LunaticFringeLady]

I've tried doing this and you would think he would understand but all it does is make him question how I feel about him which just makes my anxiety worse. He says if I loved him like I "should" I would not feel this way around him, and sometimes I question myself. I just always feel like I'm walking on eggshells around him always afraid I'm gonna say the wrong thing and upset him. He takes everything I say the wrong way in the first place. He is so insecure about our relationship and himself. Maybe he has the right to be idk. I just can't take it.

 

[Foxjo]

I'm sorry he doesn't understand. That sucks!
He sounds very insecure. Sounds like communication is difficult between the two of you.

 

[blacksmoke]

serious situations are challenging as they make us look at ourselves and if you do struggle with anxiety then it will certainly put a strain on that.

are you getting any help? maybe see the doc and tell them what you are going through and they may be able to help you get through this as in refer you to see a counsellor

yes communication is so so so important. my family dont communicate very well. but i dont help things as i dont talk about my what if /worst case scenario which does not help with the anxiety levels. again the counsellor has flagged that up.

these days i am making a humugous effort to manage the anxiey and depression as both of my parents dont have the best of health. my dad was in pain today and didnt look good and also something my mother said is cause for concern.

as my dad's condition is a constant trigger for me, i need to step up to the plate and just be there for him, allow him to be himself without the need of bullsh*t...although i do think my parents put a united upbeat front...which i guess is to be expected.

so for me it is not getting sucked into overcare which then trips me into i cant care anymore its all too much.i need to just be there in a steadfast and caring way. i have to accept that things aint gonna get better... although my mother did say that my dads kidneys had improved in health since 2 years ago ...i wonder if that is the aloe vera i keep getting him to take?

just be there for you boyfriend after all that is all anyone can do when the chips are down and the sh*te hits the fan so to speak. also dont believe the myth that you have to have all/some of the answers. just sharing time together is so underated and if you are spending time away because you are finding it difficult then that may create a wedge between you.

it is one of those situations when you have to bite the bit, thats if you are serious about the relationship continuing. and it sounds like you boyfreind will physically get better so that is light at the end of the tunnel. and sharing a tough time together and getting through it together will strengthen your relationship.

stress is a maker or breaker of a relationship i reckon

 

[LunaticFringeLady]

I guess thinking back, I been with him for a little over a year now and conversation has never been easy with him. We have fought so many times just out of misunderstanding each other. I feel now that it's just easier to agree with everything he says even if I don't. I know we are not right for each other but he says he loves me and would not be able to live without me. I don't really feel the same but it would devastate him if I told him that. With everything he is going thru right now I just couldn't do that to him.

 

[blacksmoke]

0k well that is good that you are clear about your thinking on this. so that will help with the stress in a way. no it wont release the anxiety. but the clarity of how it is is a good start. its the what if and the confusing conflicting thinking that is so not good.

maybe this is just what is needed in a sad kinda way for you to be honest with yourself. i am sorry reg this. but if you dont think you love him then you are flogging a dead horse.

its a tough situation what i call a no win situation. right now, just be a friend to him ...he doesn't have to know that. i guess at the mo. maybe its the anxiety dialogue that is making you feel like this...

 

[LunaticFringeLady]

Yeah I think a lot of the anxiety comes from the fear of him seeing right through me. I feel so horrible tho. He always tells me to be honest with him about my feelings and to never lead him on but that's exactly what I'm doing.

 

[Twokiwisandabanana]

Normal people scare me too
I've got to go and meet a lady from a scheme tomorrow up the park so anxious.
Hypnosis can work.