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Why do i want to be ill?

Silver

Silver

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Joined
Dec 25, 2014
Messages
62
Location
Norwich
I miss the drama, the chaos, the attention. I miss being cared for, looked after, questioned, fed. I miss the hospital. I miss the groups. I miss the staff.

Maybe i simply feel unable to get back to normal life.
 
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act044

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Joined
Mar 8, 2014
Messages
333
I find being in the hospital makes me miss being there. I think it's because in that setting there's people who care and somewhat understand do to being around mental health. I also don't feel so lonely. I actually have someone to talk with instead of being alone all day at home. I guess my hubby and son are there but I feel lonely. Probably because I keep everything to myself and try not to show my feelings for my son to see. In that setting there are people who struggle similarly and you can talk . There are staff who are very supportive and easy to confide in. I find this setting really helps me feel better . I think that's why I spend so much time on here venting and trying to reply to others. This forum helps me get things off my chest so I'm a better parent / spouse . I also don't feel so alone in my struggles. I don't know. I'm just sitting here thinking pros and cons of this and I find those are the most probable causes. Maybe you don't have the same feelings as I so I'm just throwing it out there.
 
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act044

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Joined
Mar 8, 2014
Messages
333
I'd rather be home now because I have a son who loves me and makes me feel great. I don't want to leave him or have him taken away from me. This forum makes me feel better though. I hope it does the same for you.
 
Silver

Silver

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Joined
Dec 25, 2014
Messages
62
Location
Norwich
No you are spot on, i feel the same. I also, like you, see value in the outside world. It's just sometimes i miss being taken care of. It's not easy living life with bipolar disorder and all that goes with it. I don't have anyone in my life who truly understands how i feel. I try to talk to friends, to educate them, to tell them what i've been through and they just don't get it, or don't want to get it. I used to go to this day centre, it's not there anymore, closed years ago, but i felt secure around all those people. There are others sufferers in my life but, she, doesn't seem to want to talk about depression. People tend to want to forget it ever happened, or feel scared of opening up. I don't know. It's sad as i don't even have a CPN anymore. I've been well for a long time now, but not well, if you know what i mean.
 
A

act044

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 8, 2014
Messages
333
Yah I get it. I'm also well but not at the same time. I have also tried speaking with my aunty about things. She has depression so I thought she would understand but I still feel like a burden so I don't anymore. I have a pdoc but we don't really talk . It's more of what are your symptoms and here's some meds. I don't have anywhere else except here to talk. I understand why being in that position seems better. Have you thought about getting in touch with a counselor or something in the mental health field? Finding someone to talk to might help. I tried to do that but my memory is horrible and I forgot to go to an app then forgot to call so they discontinued me. It was good while it lasted . I do find it hard to talk to people. I have a hard time opening up for a bit. When I find someone I like though .. someone who is nice.. I would talk. I had this counselor in high school who I kept in touch with until I was 21 helped a lot . I could talk to him about anything and he started confiding in me . We helped each other out. I trusted him so it was nice. Maybe you can find a counselor that you connect with and converse about struggles. Are you on any meds? I find they help a great deal. I can finally live a somewhat normal lifestyle. I don't know what your take on meds are. Talking on here has helped a lot as well.
 
Silver

Silver

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 25, 2014
Messages
62
Location
Norwich
It is good to talk to someone and i probably need that. I cannot afford it right now as i only work part time but it is something i plan to do in the future.

I take lamictal and it's pretty good. I find that i still get a bit of hypomania now and again though. At the moment i have dilated pupils and worry that i will go too far up but it is better than being depressed. I wish i could sleep better though, i do not sleep without zopiclone or nytol or promethazine. I alternate. The herbal stuff doesn't work at all.

A counseller, yeah ,that would be nice. Someone who knows about mental health would be great rather than just a listener who deals with emotional problems over mental illness.
 
megirl

megirl

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Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
8,060
Location
NZ
Hi Silver, yes i totally understand
For me being in hospital means i can shut out the world. My struggles worries stress etc i can vent to the staff get appropriate support advice,
And the being nurtured its huge. I feel safe I know no matter what they are there for me!!
I dont have to pretend, dont feel bad because i can read my book all day if i want. They provide meals encourage me to look after me, I eat everything they give me in hospital and enjoy eating. I get home and eating is like a chore that i cant be bothered with.
I am lucky here we have what they call a 'greencard' basically once every seven days i am able to spend 2 days on the ward as a means of respite. I shut out the world it grounds me i always feel more settled after this.

I enjoy the forum you guys are a part of my extended support people people that totally get it.
Here and the psych team i open up let all that stuff out theres no reason to hold back the supports great lots of hugs everyone
 
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