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Why do I seemingly not want to get better? Loneliness, failing university, depression, severe anxiety, and not doing anything about it

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depressed_person18

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Nov 9, 2019
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47
Location
United Kingdom
I've put off calling my local GP for as long as I can remember. Whether that is due to anxiety or just simply complacency with being depressed and not wanting to get better I am not sure.

I've just been wasting away my days not talking to anyone or doing anything. I'm not engaging in my university work at all. I don't talk to my family. My friends hardly contact me and if they do I'm usually too depressed to be bothered in replying. I hate myself for this because back when I was at school we would always get on well and have a good time.

Now that I'm at uni, with no friends and going to fail my first year, I feel like I'm a failure and I can't do anything about it. The loneliness is the worst part. But having no one to talk to all day being stuck in my room not doing anything meaningful is the most depressing thing ever.

If you wonder why I don't talk to my family, I don't know exactly. I've been this way with them for years ever since I moved into the foster system. It's not been easy. I've always been awkward around them and always try and avoid them around the house. You can imagine how anxiety-inducing this is. I don't know why I'm like this, I guess it's just something I've grown up with and I have to live with. I want to move out but I don't feel like I am mentally ready with the severe anxiety, depression and thoughts about death that I face on a daily basis.

I miss being able to talk to my friends in school. That was my only escape from my family. Even though I had bad anxiety in school and I lost some friends because of it I could still talk to a lot of people and still had a close group of friends.

Now I just have no motivation to ask for help, contact old friends, etc. When you think about taking your life everyday you know you need help but I still just "can't be bothered" getting it. That's the only way I can think of describing it.
 
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karl7

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Jul 9, 2013
Messages
936
one thing i regret not doing earlier is not going to see a psychiatrsit sooner.....therapy is good and essential to everyone not just the mentally ill .......if i were you i would seek out support now
 
jajingna

jajingna

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Jul 31, 2020
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Canada
I've just been wasting away my days not talking to anyone or doing anything.

The loneliness is the worst part. But having no one to talk to all day being stuck in my room not doing anything meaningful is the most depressing thing ever.
I'm sort of the same. No job. I live with two brothers in a small house but there is little communication between us, we all prefer just staying in our own rooms most of the time. They both have jobs though.

I've been thinking of seeing a doctor. Have had a tough past week. Feeling anxious, depressed, even mildly psychotic at times when tired or stressed. I try to get a walk or do some cooking just to get out of the room, maybe go shopping a few times a week.

Sounds like you could benefit from a doctor visit. Here it would just be to get a prescription, seems like counseling/therapy is hard to get, these days especially with the pandemic.
 
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Alexander Ypsilantis

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Mar 3, 2020
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Location
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University can be a very lonely time before you 'network' and make a group of friends. You need someone to commiserate with, reassure each other with common, shared struggles.

I was lonely when I first went away to university. Some college students just quit the first semester and that's a shame. By my second year I was starting to make friends, contacts and enjoying it a lot more. This pandemic has made things a lot more difficult when it comes to networking, but it'll get easier as vaccinations roll out.

Stick with it and it'll get easier with time, I promise you. Does your college have therapists on staff that you can talk to? That would ease your first year struggles quite a bit, because they've seen it many times with many students and can help guide you. Good luck.
 
MeAndMyDepression

MeAndMyDepression

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Feb 6, 2021
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Punta Gorda, Florida, USA
Could it be that maybe you're used to your current life as-is and that even though you hate it that you're afraid to venture out into the unknown because you could make your situation worse?
 
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depressed_person18

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Joined
Nov 9, 2019
Messages
47
Location
United Kingdom
University can be a very lonely time before you 'network' and make a group of friends. You need someone to commiserate with, reassure each other with common, shared struggles.

I was lonely when I first went away to university. Some college students just quit the first semester and that's a shame. By my second year I was starting to make friends, contacts and enjoying it a lot more. This pandemic has made things a lot more difficult when it comes to networking, but it'll get easier as vaccinations roll out.

Stick with it and it'll get easier with time, I promise you. Does your college have therapists on staff that you can talk to? That would ease your first year struggles quite a bit, because they've seen it many times with many students and can help guide you. Good luck.
Thanks, yeah I think there is a student support service in the university. But I'm not only worried about the depression but the fact that I have so much work (about 4-5 months worth) to catch up on and it's already February. And the fact I've missed so many assignments means that my grades might not be recoverable.
 
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Alexander Ypsilantis

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Joined
Mar 3, 2020
Messages
1,655
Location
USA
Thanks, yeah I think there is a student support service in the university. But I'm not only worried about the depression but the fact that I have so much work (about 4-5 months worth) to catch up on and it's already February. And the fact I've missed so many assignments means that my grades might not be recoverable.
Talk to your professors, explain you have clinical depression and the impact of the pandemic put you in a place where your work suffered. They may give you a do-over instead of failing you. Professors are people too, they know that events can sometimes drag good people down. I had to talk to a professor once or twice like that when I got my first degree 45 years ago. They cut me some slack, I recovered and ended up being a solid student with a high GPA.

Just don't quit, you will regret it always if you don't complete your degree. I talked a few of my friends to go back to college after they dropped out for one reason or another, and they all thanked me a great deal for doing that. We all have our ups and downs, the main thing is to not let them get the best of us. You can do it, you sound like the kind of person who can reach into themself and find reserves of strength you didn't know you had.

I felt like quitting college many times, but I always hung in there. You can't let disappointments get the best of you, or it'll never stop. Good luck.
 
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depressed_person18

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 9, 2019
Messages
47
Location
United Kingdom
Talk to your professors, explain you have clinical depression and the impact of the pandemic put you in a place where your work suffered. They may give you a do-over instead of failing you. Professors are people too, they know that events can sometimes drag good people down. I had to talk to a professor once or twice like that when I got my first degree 45 years ago. They cut me some slack, I recovered and ended up being a solid student with a high GPA.

Just don't quit, you will regret it always if you don't complete your degree. I talked a few of my friends to go back to college after they dropped out for one reason or another, and they all thanked me a great deal for doing that. We all have our ups and downs, the main thing is to not let them get the best of us. You can do it, you sound like the kind of person who can reach into themself and find reserves of strength you didn't know you had.

I felt like quitting college many times, but I always hung in there. You can't let disappointments get the best of you, or it'll never stop. Good luck.
I am way too anxious about meeting new people and attending any video meetings for tutorials/seminars for example. This is holding me back. I just feel like my anxiety is preventing me from progressing even if I were to retake a year. I'm too anxious to talk to anyone about these problems.
 
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