Why do I seek endless reassurance from my boyfriend :( ?

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Elizabethssuzanne

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Joined
Jan 8, 2017
Messages
24
#1
Hi,

First of all thank you so much for whoever takes the time to read this <3 I’ve posted on this forum 2 years ago as I was suffering the loss of my father and all the anxiety/depression/panic attacks that followed. About a year ago I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder I am on 20mg Prozac. I’ve been slowly recovering and getting my life back on track. I’m 23 years old and currently in an 8 month long relationship with my boyfriend. This is my first relationship I’ve been in since I lost mental stability and tranquility. I seek this endless reassurance from my boyfriend. I rack my mind day and night to find what’s wrong with me and what else my boyfriend should reassure me on.

I feel so shallow. Basically I have absolutely terrible body dysmorphia. I have no clue where it has stemmed from:( I’m 5’6 55kg, but in my mind I’m never ever good enough and that I need to be thinner and that I need to be better and that I need to look better :(. My boyfriend does his best to tell me ‘you’re beautiful I love you’ etc but in my mind I just can’t accept the compliment. I feel I cannot be good enough for him. I feel like I’m just hearing empty words. Most of my life I have been bullied and I have not had any successful relationships in the past. I put this extreme focus on my appearance, feeling it’s my biggest weakness. Why must I obsess over it so much :( I get so worked up thinking and thinking and thinking. I cannot control my mind. I analyse every compliment my boyfriend gives me and I noticed he never complimented my body ever. It sounds so shallow, so shallow pains me to even type it :( but it’s such an insecurity of mine, why does his reassurance mean THIS much to me ? How can he control my mind THIS much. I feel so pathetic. Why am I picking apart everything :( it just leaves me feeling sad and miserable as I sink further into self hatred as I start believing my boyfriend does not find all of me attractive. I feel like I’m chasing after words I’ll never hear :( why am I stuck in this state of mind. I’m just so disappointed in myself :( I just cannot control my mind and these unwanted thoughts. Its breaking down our relationship, as well pushing me into deeper depths of the anxiety disorder I struggle with

Any thoughts on why I’m doing this to this extent? Why am I focusing just on this :(

Also ways to power through this. I want to change, I want to be a better balanced person :(

thank you so much for whoever read this, I really appreciate any input
 
Valka

Valka

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Feb 12, 2019
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254
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England (NW)
#2
Hi Elizabeth.

I'm sure your boyfriend thinks you're beautiful. Have you spoke to him specifically about how you're feeling and what you need? And you shouldn't feel dissapointed in yourself as it's not your fault for feeling this way. :hug1:
 
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Ramson bangers

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Joined
Feb 1, 2019
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509
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England
#3
I dont think you are shallow. But i assume your boyfriend sees your beauty and loves you even more because of it. Everyone is insecure about something, try not to be too hard on yourself.
Just my thoughts. Maybe you are driving your bf crazy by not loving yourself enough, i mean it would drive me crazy as i would not know how to prove it to you. Ask him why he loves you, and believe him when he tells you his reasons. You should gain confidence. Good luck
 
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Elizabethssuzanne

Member
Joined
Jan 8, 2017
Messages
24
#4
Hi Elizabeth.

I'm sure your boyfriend thinks you're beautiful. Have you spoke to him specifically about how you're feeling and what you need? And you shouldn't feel dissapointed in yourself as it's not your fault for feeling this way. :hug1:
Thank you for your reply <3 I’ve spoke to him over text about how I feel but not face to face. Even though I’ve made him aware, he still doesn’t reassure on the things I’m wanting to hear :( he beats about the bush and I’m not sure why :’(
 
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Elizabethssuzanne

Member
Joined
Jan 8, 2017
Messages
24
#5
I dont think you are shallow. But i assume your boyfriend sees your beauty and loves you even more because of it. Everyone is insecure about something, try not to be too hard on yourself.
Just my thoughts. Maybe you are driving your bf crazy by not loving yourself enough, i mean it would drive me crazy as i would not know how to prove it to you. Ask him why he loves you, and believe him when he tells you his reasons. You should gain confidence. Good luck
Thank you for replying <3 I am way too hard on myself it seems :( and you are right as my boyfriend says he gets very frustrated about this :( I need to try and believe him, I must try, but my state of mind is the battle. I just pick apart things too much. But I need to try <3
 
Valka

Valka

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Joined
Feb 12, 2019
Messages
254
Location
England (NW)
#6
Well as cliche as it sounds, communication is always key in relationships. Even more so in situations like this when it has an effect on your mental well being and the overall relationship.
I'd suggest a proper face to face conversation with your boyfriend about your issues as I'm sure he'll understand and want to help your confidence as he might not realise the extent to which this is having an effect. :)
 
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Elizabethssuzanne

Member
Joined
Jan 8, 2017
Messages
24
#8
Well as cliche as it sounds, communication is always key in relationships. Even more so in situations like this when it has an effect on your mental well being and the overall relationship.
I'd suggest a proper face to face conversation with your boyfriend about your issues as I'm sure he'll understand and want to help your confidence as he might not realise the extent to which this is having an effect. :)
Thank you so much for your advice and support ❤️I will try talking face to face instead as maybe texts are just too vague