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Why do I feel like a target for sympathy?

S

SicklyBloom

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Joined
Mar 20, 2020
Messages
166
Location
USA
Yesterday, I went to the park with my brother so he could practice running for cross country. I let him do his run while I wandered and explored the place. It was a peaceful Saturday afternoon and there weren't many people there either. I was innocently standing by a creek by a nearby bridge just standing quietly thinking to myself. Then all of the sudden, I saw a female jogger running above me from where I was standing. I was crossing my arms but I swear to god that I wasn't thinking any negative thoughts this time, I was honestly feeling relaxed. She stops her jog to tell me if I'm okay. I took offense to this because this was one of those rare occasions where there was actually nothing wrong. I wanted to literally yell at her for assuming I was upset, but instead I simply said that I was fine and just enjoying the view.

After that incident, I felt extremely annoyed. How come when I need someone's help, nobody can makes themselves useful but when I'm alone and peaceful, people start showing up out of the blue? I honestly don't get it but it makes feel like utter crap. Is that the feeling people pick up on when they're around me or do I just look super pathetic?
 
toutatis

toutatis

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Joined
Jun 24, 2018
Messages
1,337
Location
New Zealand
No, I think people just automatically make assumptions and judgments based on the first thing that comes into their minds half the time. For example, I can be sitting on a park bench just trying to enjoy the fresh air, listening to the birds chirping in the trees, but if I happen to look up at passersby's, I can tell by the fact that a lot of them are already staring at me with scared expressions on their faces (and many of them will actually take 'evasive action' and veer off the path, making a fake phone call as they go, and go the longer way around instead of straight past me. It sickens me actually) I can tell they've made a false assumption about me - a wrong judgment. So, here's me, a peaceful nice person, an honest person, always dressed presentably, a lover of nature - who is obviously being judged to be a possible rapist and a violent criminal. It happens nearly every day.

So, that's why I say it has nothing to do with you but everything to do with the other persons discriminating ways. I feel your pain, trust me. ((hugs))
 
toutatis

toutatis

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Jun 24, 2018
Messages
1,337
Location
New Zealand
And the average person might read my previous post and think 'well, there must be something he's doing to make them scared?' And the answer is, yes, there is. It's the fact that I live in a predominantly white country but I myself aren't white. Racial prejudice and just plain old discrimination. And you might think 'well, at least you know why people are scared of you, right?'. And the answer there is, no, it sickens me to be surrounded by such unwelcoming people - in my own country. I'm just a person. Not everyone behaves that way though, which gives me a warm feeling. A relief.

Sorry, to hijack your post @SicklyBloom. I suddenly felt I needed to expand on my previous post.

Thank you, and I do hope you'll be able to manage your feelings around your issues, as well. It's all a trial and a challenge to be overcome.:)🙏
 
M

Mistral

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2011
Messages
421
They made a mistake. You never know why someone might say something like this to you. They might have an interfering nature or maybe they have something in their personal life which makes them nervous when seeing somebody standing alone by a bridge.
 
S

SicklyBloom

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 20, 2020
Messages
166
Location
USA
They made a mistake. You never know why someone might say something like this to you. They might have an interfering nature or maybe they have something in their personal life which makes them nervous when seeing somebody standing alone by a bridge.
If it helps clarify the situation, I was technically below the bridge not over it. I was standing by a creek that was pushing water towards the bridge. There was no reason to assume suicidal thoughts or even depression. Maybe it was oversized black cardigan and natural bedhead that got them concerned. I'm sorry, I guess I just get easily offended by people because my behavior gets misinterpreted so much. I know it seems like human nature and I should just move on, but for some reason it felt degrading.
 
N

Nukelavee

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Joined
Dec 17, 2019
Messages
2,822
Location
London, ON
I've been in your situation, and felt the same way.

At teh same time, it's not a bad thing. You never know when checking on somebody could make a huge difference to them. Personally, I'd rather take the chance that you were fine and annoyed at me, than hearing about a suicide.
 
M

Mistral

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2011
Messages
421
If it helps clarify the situation, I was technically below the bridge not over it. I was standing by a creek that was pushing water towards the bridge. There was no reason to assume suicidal thoughts or even depression. Maybe it was oversized black cardigan and natural bedhead that got them concerned. I'm sorry, I guess I just get easily offended by people because my behavior gets misinterpreted so much. I know it seems like human nature and I should just move on, but for some reason it felt degrading.
Well then it was strange and maybe even a bit creepy. They should not expect that this sort of approach will be welcomed.
 
8

8177

Member
Joined
Oct 28, 2020
Messages
19
Location
Texas
Yesterday, I went to the park with my brother so he could practice running for cross country. I let him do his run while I wandered and explored the place. It was a peaceful Saturday afternoon and there weren't many people there either. I was innocently standing by a creek by a nearby bridge just standing quietly thinking to myself. Then all of the sudden, I saw a female jogger running above me from where I was standing. I was crossing my arms but I swear to god that I wasn't thinking any negative thoughts this time, I was honestly feeling relaxed. She stops her jog to tell me if I'm okay. I took offense to this because this was one of those rare occasions where there was actually nothing wrong. I wanted to literally yell at her for assuming I was upset, but instead I simply said that I was fine and just enjoying the view.

After that incident, I felt extremely annoyed. How come when I need someone's help, nobody can makes themselves useful but when I'm alone and peaceful, people start showing up out of the blue? I honestly don't get it but it makes feel like utter crap. Is that the feeling people pick up on when they're around me or do I just look super pathetic?
If people didn't care, I doubt they would stop and make sure you are okay. It is annoying, yeah, to be drawn out of your reverie in a nice place when you just want to relax and enjoy the scene. When this happens to me, I feel irritated because maybe I was finally able to forget the rottenness of depression for a few minutes. Then this interloper brings me right back into it. I want to say, "I was feeling fine before you interrupted my thought process." But on the whole, better to be asked than for me to need help and not be able to ask for it outright.
 
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