Why do i even bother trying to do better

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BpTyrant

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It seems every time I try to do better, I have a bit of success, and then something happens that drags me back down to ruin.

I'm starting to think I would just be better off settling in to misery

I am not done living, but at this point when death comes it will probably bring me more joy than any event I have ever had in my life

I guess you could say that I am living for things that bring me some kind of happiness, but even that seems to be getting worse as time progresses

Nothing on TV is all that exciting, my joy from video games is pretty flat (sometimes it's more about doing something than that it bringing me happiness) and I just don't think I wanna bother selling trading cards again (which means when I have extras that are actually worth selling they will just sit in front of me, as I don't wanna make any sales in the future and risk another situation with PayPal like I am in right now)

They say theres light at the end of the tunnel

Well, for me it's not a tunnel I am looking at, it's an abyss; where not only am I looking into pure darkness, I am headed towards it hoping to find the middle and meet my end.

I know I sound morbid, I just don't see any way that things are getting better from my current perspective and I dont think they ever will
 
Topcat

Topcat

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I feel a lot like this too, and for a long time so it feels never ending. There are better days/weeks and then worse ones again, the ebb and flow. But yes every time I feel positive that I've made a step in the right direction, or solved a life problem, made a positive change etc something then screws it up again!
If I'm not so depressed at the time then I can deal with it better, but if I'm fairly depressed already then it can feel much more devastating and difficult. Also when depressed the small positives disappear making life feel more bleak.
I think the fact is, life can be hard! But if you're already depressed it is so much harder to deal with. Things can get better, but you need to treat your underlying depression in some way too, then you will see the positives again which carry you through life better.
 
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BpTyrant

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I don't normally get anywhere near this depressed though

Unfortunately I am in a terrible situation with PayPal and due to all the problems I have had with them I have decided to take a step back from one of my hobbies

though I will still enjoy it in a different way, I just dont wanna bother with the selling aspect because of how easily things can go bad when you did nothing wrong
 
Someoldguy

Someoldguy

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It sounds like depression is causing you to feel that way. Depression has a way of causing the positives in life to appear non-existent and the negatives to become overwhelming. Nothing negative even has to happen when I'm depressed for me to feel bad, and if something negative does happen I can't imagine how I'll ever manage it.
Yet somehow I do. It's taken a long time, but understanding how depression works and how it affects my thinking has been extremely helpful. Finding this forum and talking with others having similar experiences has helped as well. Hang in there. Progress will come.
 
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BpTyrant

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Well as I have explained before it was a whole chain reaction of horrible

Had the dispute not have happened I would have been inconvenienced by the $137 hold that happened before that, but it would have landed after 3 days (even though it should have never Happened to begin with)

Since that happened I had hoped I could win against the dispute with logic and evidence

Trying to fight it got me nowhere, which lead to me getting angrier every day I tried, stressed out, depressed, and physically exhausted

If i do go back to selling, there is no telling when somebody would make another bogus claim

It just wouldn't be worth the risk, I could still enjoy the hobby through buying and trading, I just wouldnt be putting myself at risk of bogus claims if I avoid selling

Not to mention the $50 dispute lead to me ending up being negative $55 in the bank

At this point it really isnt worth it
 
Someoldguy

Someoldguy

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I understand. You're not the first person I've heard of having difficulties with PayPal. It seems at some point businesses get too big to care about their customers and once they start treating them with indifference, they don't last very long after that.

Sorry your in a financial bind.
 
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BpTyrant

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I understand. You're not the first person I've heard of having difficulties with PayPal. It seems at some point businesses get too big to care about their customers and once they start treating them with indifference, they don't last very long after that.

Sorry your in a financial bind.
They dont see item sellers as their customers, they see item buyers as their customers

Their system is built upon absurd "Buyer Protection" programs, that sadly some buyers abuse to their benefit instead of being fair to the sellers

Sometimes you just gotta realize when a fight isnt one worth fighting because you stand 0% chance of winning; which is exactly my situation with PayPal "in a NutShell" as they say
 
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Sarabi_Gyarados

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It seems every time I try to do better, I have a bit of success, and then something happens that drags me back down to ruin.

I'm starting to think I would just be better off settling in to misery

I am not done living, but at this point when death comes it will probably bring me more joy than any event I have ever had in my life

I guess you could say that I am living for things that bring me some kind of happiness, but even that seems to be getting worse as time progresses

Nothing on TV is all that exciting, my joy from video games is pretty flat (sometimes it's more about doing something than that it bringing me happiness) and I just don't think I wanna bother selling trading cards again (which means when I have extras that are actually worth selling they will just sit in front of me, as I don't wanna make any sales in the future and risk another situation with PayPal like I am in right now)

They say theres light at the end of the tunnel

Well, for me it's not a tunnel I am looking at, it's an abyss; where not only am I looking into pure darkness, I am headed towards it hoping to find the middle and meet my end.

I know I sound morbid, I just don't see any way that things are getting better from my current perspective and I dont think they ever will
OP, life always has its ups and downs. It is harder for us with mental illness to accept that, because we want the high without the down, and the downs hit us harder.

You are doing well to progress. Life is not linear. It dips and upticks. Just because you are in a dip now it doesn't mean your progress is wasted. Try to see life like an ocean with waves, rather than as a flat line leading up.
 
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BpTyrant

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OP, life always has its ups and downs. It is harder for us with mental illness to accept that, because we want the high without the down, and the downs hit us harder.

You are doing well to progress. Life is not linear. It dips and upticks. Just because you are in a dip now it doesn't mean your progress is wasted. Try to see life like an ocean with waves, rather than as a flat line leading up.
I have been doing good lately, until that bogus dispute on PayPal happened, that messed everything up because I can't use the account unless I wanna make $50 of sales for nothing

Not to mention being jammed up for weeks because of 1 nightmare customer has me not wanting to go back to selling

There is nothing worse than being in a bad situation you are powerless to do anything about, and what got me so mad was that I kept trying for days, and it didn't do anything good for me.
 
Someoldguy

Someoldguy

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Frustrating as it may be, the important thing is to keep trying.
Are you famaliar with the tale of Sisyphus? He refused to surrender to gravity. This is what keeps me going. I refuse to surrender.
 
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BpTyrant

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Frustrating as it may be, the important thing is to keep trying.
Are you famaliar with the tale of Sisyphus? He refused to surrender to gravity. This is what keeps me going. I refuse to surrender.
Except I literally cant do anything but wait in disappointment for at least another week, after which point PayPal will have to put my account back to 0

But if I go back to selling, all it takes is another dispute to mess my account up again for 45 days if no resolution happens before then
 
Someoldguy

Someoldguy

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Except I literally cant do anything but wait in disappointment for at least another week, after which point PayPal will have to put my account back to 0

But if I go back to selling, all it takes is another dispute to mess my account up again for 45 days if no resolution happens before then
Yes, I understand this does not solve your immediate problem. What I meant is I think it is of ultimate importance to keep trying no matter how hopeless the situation appears. No one ever achieved success by ceasing to try. Perhaps this is not what you wish to hear right now, but this outlook is what gets me out of bed every day. That's all I was trying to convey. :)
 
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