Why do I concentrate on things that have gone wrong in life?

[stu1970s]

If I sat down and had to list positives there are quite a few - I'm married to an absolute soulmate, we've got two children, a nice house, I did reasonably well at work so we're comfortable financially.

But, and it's a big but, no positives ever enter my head. I seem to have a memory for everything that has gone wrong in life. The stupid thing is they're not big things, mainly little social embarrassments etc, but in my head they seem to outweigh all the positives. The memories can be triggered by random things, I might read or see something and everything comes flooding back. Everything is crystal clear in my head too, as though it were yesterday. I don't know why it is, it's just like if it's something bad it's stored in my brain in intimate detail. Why is this?

 

[bpd2020]

I am really sorry you are experiencing this. I do too. I always remember horrible things and then feel sad. It could be those memories have caused you trauma. I wonder if having therapy to talk about those things could help.

 

[stu1970s]

I don't think there's any particular thing that has caused me trauma as all these things are so trivial. They're things that you think you wouldn't even remember but for some reason I do.

 

[bpd2020]

I am sorry. I do not know what can be done about it. It happens to me too. I am sorry I cannot be of any help but I just did not want you to think you were alone in this.

 

[OCDguy]

Learn to laugh a little, or share them with your soul mate and let them know how it makes you feel. Together you can put these things behind you

 

[Scapes1986]

I've been trying to cope with the same negative thoughts with more positive feelings. I feel like things just aren't going to get better. I take pride in my recovery process and all the things I've accomplished so I need to reference my accomplishments to overcome any negative disturbances.

 

[Lance__]

I don't know why but the first two lines drew my attention, as all the positives things you mentioned were 'external' things. How do you feel inside? Would you add too a list of positive things related to your 'inside'? About feeling a lot for "little" things, I can relate to it. Maybe you are a highly sensitive person (HSP) too, and that's why these kind of things affect you so much. But if something made you to have an emotional flashback, I'd say that this event -doesn't matter if you consider it small or big- was a trauma for you, and would be normal to remain in your head until you can address and heal it.

 

[Mayflower7]

Hi,
I do this to, I think many people do.
I'm glad you do have positives in your life, be kind to yourself.
Try to let go of the past mistakes and look to your wonderful future.
Have you ever had any therapy?
Hugs

 

[Purpleplum]

Those past mistakes had a heavy emotionally impact on you. It's hard to forget things when they've gotten embedded with our emotions. If you were a sociopath, those things wouldn't bother you so feel good that you're not one and that you're a person with feelings.

 

[Mert]

I think everyone remembers little things for a long time. I once heard for every one negataive message from others we need something like fifteen positive affirmations to counter each one. I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I send you hugs and encouragement. Mert