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Why did he do this to me and why did I fall for it?

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BPDandStruggling

Member
Joined
Jun 14, 2020
Messages
14
Location
California
I had a friend I've written about on here before. He was my only friend and now he's no longer my friend. I'm still trying to process what happened. He started telling me I was his very good friend and that he'd always be there for me after only a week or two of knowing him. He told me he loved me (supposedly all his good friends say that to each other). He started sending me heart emojis and cute teddy bear gifs (we both identify as bears within the gay community). I got sucked right in.

We had sex and it was the best I've ever had in my life. I'd never made out or had close body contact with a man before and it just felt so right. I wanted a repeat soon and kept hitting on him. Sometimes he'd encourage me and sometimes not. He said something one day and I had to draw out of him that he wanted me to stop hitting on him. I felt rejected and became enraged. Why was I so angry? I'd already started to see certain behaviors and codependencies with him like I had with my wife. For the last 5-10 years of our marriage she'd encourage me and then not actually have sex with me. I got really angry and dumped years of rage at my wife on him. He peaced out at that point and I don't really blame him. Except I had somehow built up in my mind that we had a relationship that could withstand something like that. What happened to I'll always be your friend?

Questions swirling in my mind. Why did he love bomb me like that? What was his game? Why didn't I see all the red flags? Was I so desperate for love and validation that I just ignored them? Was he ever really my friend at all? Why did I build up in my mind that we had a close relationship? Why am I repeatedly drawn to the same kind of codependent relationships?

The thing is, he was a really nice guy and I miss him.
 
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Wanttofeelpeace5

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 8, 2020
Messages
829
Location
New zealand
Don't know why or how this happened but we all deserve better . Start caring for yourself and liking yourself and the rest will follow . Virtual hugs to you .
 
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