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Why could I not make this work?

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abertha

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Oct 11, 2008
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I know no one can help me anymore. I just need to write something down. People keep telling me it's up to me to change my life etc, I just seem to be unable to do it.

I knew moving to a different, non english speaking country was a bad idea from the beginning. We had lots of rows about it, how I wouldn't cope well and things. I wonder if I am too young, if I had had some life experience in my own country first, maybe I could cope better here. But, days have turned into over a year, and here I am, still where I started. No life to speak of really. I really wish I could've made this work. :(

I feel much unhealthier than I did when we moved here. Slow and sluggish, constantly sick with something, my skin is awful and I sleep much less than I used to, and it wasn't that much to begin with.

I do wonder where all this is headed, if I hang around here for long enough. Something will change, right?
 
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Apotheosis

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What country are you in. I forget; if you have said before. Sorry to hear that your having such a hard time.
 
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abertha

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That's okay. I'm in Norway :(
 
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Apotheosis

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Are there any ex pats groups/clubs that you could join?
 
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diddypinks

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i dont know if you have scitzophrenia but ive been feeling the same recently the lack of ability to get my shit together That I HAVE BEEN TOLD IS PART OF THE ILLNESS. lack of enthusiasm what ever you want to call it. this has been a reacurring theme in my life it is often misread in people as laziness or an unwillingness to change your life but no it is part of the brain disease. so treat yourself as a disabled person like your in a wheelchair. dont put pressure on yourself to be anything than well do things that give you as much pleasure as possible and remember people dont understand what its like to be in a room full of people hearing voices that scare the shit out of you the real heroes in this world are in the mental institutions.:D good luck diddy
 
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abertha

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Oct 11, 2008
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Thanks. No I wouldn't know of any clubs to join, I have not been able to become a resident here yet as no jobs ever reply to my applications and so don't have a personal number, doctor or bank account. I would search the internet for clubs to join, but I have no idea how I would find it in norwegian.

It feels like the end but I hope there is a new beginning coming some time, though I have no idea how.
 
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abertha

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Oct 11, 2008
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Thanks, I have been looking through them. For the most part it is people complaining that it is not easy and near impossible to make friends in Norway, which is good in a way that it means im not just really bad at making friends, but bad in a way that lots of sociable people cant even make friends so I don't have a chance in hell.

I think the only way to get out of it is to lose my other half, but I don't have anything to go back to in the UK. Thanks for the links though x
 
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watchinghour

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Jul 10, 2009
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Location
Australia for now.
I'm in a similar situation here in Australia, abertha. I was born in the UK (although I'm not English) and moved to Australia 12 years ago, with my then wife at her suggestion, since we were in a hurry to escape some of the things we were dealing with at that point in time. At that point, I thought my MH situation was limited to mild depression, and I put it down to noisy neighbours, the English weather, and having no particular direction in life.

Unfortunately (but also in some ways fortunately, since I was in the process of becoming progressively more dependant on my wife for even the most basic of things...not a good long term state of affairs) my mental health problems didn't stay in the northern hemisphere, but instead followed us 'down under'.

The combination of trying to settle in and adjust to life in a new country, with zero friends, together (I guess) with being estranged from my family (if you want to call them that - I don't), and the memory of past wrongs, led to me becoming increasingly unwell. I could tell from the expressions on my ex's face (and that of my son's - he was born in Australia) that she was aware of the tranformation I was going through. I used to be quite outgoing and always the practical joker, despite having experienced plenty of mental and emotional abuse at home and in school.

I began let go of the pretense of trying to fit in, and eventually completely retreated from the world. I holed myself up in one of the bedrooms of the house we were renting, and rarely came out during waking hours. I'd go days without sleep and had a very strange and depressing lifestyle. I lost track of whether the meal I was eating was lunch for 2 days ago or yesterday's dinner.

Then I started hearing and feeling things. I would get into arguments with voices, and one day my ex (just back from work) entered the house quietly and heard me. How long she was listening I don't know, but my fights with these beings (they are beings, not voices) I guess scared her, and she left with my son. She said she was off shopping one Friday afternoon, and never came back. Well, my problems became full-blown after that.

I had my first encounter with the Australian MH system then, after being dragged in by several police officers like some serial rapist. That was five or so years ago, and in that time I have tried to commit suicide several times without success, and ended up back in that detention centre they call a mental health unit. I haven't seen my boy in 5 years. Don't want to either. I'm no good with people at all, and found it hard to talk to him when he was around. I can't feel anything, or I have trouble feeling an appropriate emotion for a given situation.

Anyway, I'm by myself too everyday, and like you, there's nothing for me to return to in the UK. I'd be in a very similar or worse situation. They do have all sorts of clubs and functions and all that here, but they have no relvance for me. The only way I can interact with people is via the internet. Then I return to something of my old self: unpredictable, extreme, funny (if I do say so myself :p), and always in the thick of it. Multiplayers computer games have been my way of experiencing some human exchange while at the same time maintaining a safe distance.

If I dont feel right, or someone in particular is upsetting me in some way, all I need to do is disconnect from the server, or put that particular individual on 'ignore' or 'mute'. Easy. I often remark to myself on how lucky I am to live in my situation today, and have access these technological advances instead of a time when if you couldn't access some of kind of social support in your locality then you really were alone indeed. It could be much worse and is for many, so I try to keep that in mind, and not let depression (which is always lurking on the periphery on my every waking moment looking for a way in) get the better of me. Setting myself some long-term goals has been foundational in keeping my MH state above a certain level as well, such as returning to education. It's given me a context for interaction if I wanted it. I've had plenty opportunities to make friends, but I've become stuck in my ways and prefer my own company. That might one avenue for you to investigate. Maybe take up a class learning the language as a start?
 
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diddypinks

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wow what a positive way to look at it. yes years ago there wasnt the internet or the technology that frankly keep me sane thats a lot worse. i still dont think the phyciatrists in mental health wards have a clue what they are doing and i'm sorry your experience of that has been bad years ago routine ect was used and no they know thats rubbish so hat are they doing now that will be proved rong in the next 50 years i think whe you go through something like this it makes you made of: nine parts steel its like i could survive anything now goodluck and i'm jealous as hell its raining in england ive been to australia for a month and its fabulous love it good move lol look after yourself diddy:)
 
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watchinghour

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Location
Australia for now.
wow what a positive way to look at it. yes years ago there wasnt the internet or the technology that frankly keep me sane thats a lot worse. i still dont think the phyciatrists in mental health wards have a clue what they are doing and i'm sorry your experience of that has been bad years ago routine ect was used and no they know thats rubbish so hat are they doing now that will be proved rong in the next 50 years i think whe you go through something like this it makes you made of: nine parts steel its like i could survive anything now goodluck and i'm jealous as hell its raining in england ive been to australia for a month and its fabulous love it good move lol look after yourself diddy:)


Actually it's been raining here too, being in that transition period between winter's end and the beginning of spring here. Give it a couple more weeks though and you won't be able to to blink without breaking out into a profuse sweat :)

Yeah, my experiences with the MH system have been distressing to say the least, and surreal at times. I even broke out of the mental health facility they had me in one time when they told me they were going to give me an injection to calm me down, by punching through one of the perspex windows and running like blazes through the grounds of the hospital.

Suffice to say, after a few days, they (the police) caught me walking down the street. My efforts to avoid being caught truly were like something out of a movie, with me as the main character, and everyone else the supporting cast. All that was missing was the soundtrack and 'the end' credits!

Speaking of movies: by and large, the movie industry (as pervasively influential as it is) is amongst some of the worst culprits in dehumanizing and misrepresenting those dealing with mental health issues. They haven't exactly done much to advance mental health care and awareness have they? I mean the crazed, stalking, psychotic killer has always been a big box office favourite, so the movie industry is unlikely to cease and desist perpetuating these images. As long as they continue in this wise --along with other factors and influences in how people perceive those with MH problems (such as the pharmaceutical industry)-- I don't have much hope that mainstream psychiatric 'health care' will advance that much beyond where it is right now. Sorry to be such a downer, but that's just how I feel. Where there's an opportunity for financial profit, don't look to society to place people first :cry:

Be well diddy...
 
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abertha

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Oct 11, 2008
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Thanks for your reply watchinghour. I have taken some language classes, which have helped my norwegian skills but not my confidence to use them with anyone. I'm glad you found some way to exist without too much stress. I hope I can do the same. Take care x
 
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diddypinks

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hi watchinghour if you look well there are good representations such as one flew over the cuckoos nest that clearly shows the ways in hich the mental health surfaces fail to understand the needs of the patients, a beautiful mind, through the darkness (diana ross) but they are few and far beteen i dont believe the film industry per se is responsible i think that its peoples ignorance. natural to fear something you dont understand like for instance my sister wont let me have my neice be over at my house unsupervised i have an nneb in nursery nursing and she doubts i would ever harm her but she cant take that risk because of FEAR straight up. i grimace everytime someone uses the term scitzo or phyco because it brings a mental picture of an axe weilding murderer. wheras scitzophrenics mostly prefer to be left alone. i dont blame you for legging it those places are enough to make the sanest person mad. actually hen i went to australia and got off the plane it was raining too my ankles swelled up i looked like a granny lol then customs spent HOURS looking through my pills came back and said so are you phycotic then? i looked them in the eye and said yes because they were making me feel phycotic!
 
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