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Why can't I pull myself out of this

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shell

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Apr 9, 2010
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Lincolnshire
started on the drugs yesterday only 250mg in the afternoon pains in my head and feeling sick. Took another one this morning and I have been in tears on and off plus feeling like I just want to go and end it all. My husband and me had a argument on a walk and that was it tears again he shouted and threw the dogs water bottle on the floor and stormed off to the car:( I came bk and took a valium I just wanted to escape how I felt.

.I wish I could just pull myself out of this depression its the worst yet. My daughter came in to play with her friend and I had to ask if they would mind playing outside I just couldn't handle having her friend in the house, I felt really embarrased as well cos my eyes were red from crying. I hate the affect this is having on my family. My mother inlaw says I just need to try and pull myself out of it put a smile on my face I wish it was that simple, they keep saying as well smile and the world smiles with you cry and you cry alone, I feel like screaming when they say this :(. :mad:I just feel like giving up. On these shitty drugs that make me feel awful and always periods of depression whats the point :(. I feel like I'm wrecking everyones life around me. My husband deserves to be happy not stuck with this moody horrible screaming cow, my kids also deserve to have a good role model what kind of example am I to them???????????

Sorry for moaning on I'm just sick and tired of being sick and tired. I had a real shitty childhood my mum was an alcoholic and my dad had bipolar but died when I was 2 yrs old.

:(I was drinking loads when I was high a bottle of wine everyday. I haven't drunk since starting my drugs around 8 weeks ago am trying to do what the doctors say yet I still feel awful :(. I wish the doc would just give me an antidepressant Whats the point in giving me a mood stabalizer when I don't really suffer mania just depression. I tend to go in cycles of depression for about 5months and being a bit high for 4 months. I feel like all the stupid drugs are doing is stabilizing me in this shitty depression :(
 
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suki1066

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Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Messages
105
shell
the depession doesnt just go away, it lessons gradually, just as it appears. for each person it is diffrent, but it will go at some point. have you looked in the self help forum???? on here, i have and found lots of good stuff..... if you take each day at a time.. when you wake up say to yourself that just for today you are going to do 1 possitive thing... and do something like baking with your daughter.. take her swimming... for a walk without an argument.. it may help you to be positive and you need to try very hard to be positive, which i know is very hard.
well done on not drinking xxxx
 
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TOONAFISH

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Nov 23, 2008
Messages
2,686
Location
Bonnie Scotland
((((((((((((shell))))))))))))))))))

you say they dont deserve to have you as you are. but you dont deserve to feel as you do. it is shit that is the honest answer. really really shit. and i have been there so i DO understand. and i feel so sorry for you. i have to say though that things will get better. it will take a bit of time but you have your family there and us on here. we will try and help you ok.

i have just been researching aromatherapy and flower remedies. i have just got orange oil for my oil burner and have ordered mustard flower remedy for low mood. maybe you can try something like this?? wish i could give you a cuddle
:grouphug:
 
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TOONAFISH

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Nov 23, 2008
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2,686
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p.s well done on not drinking. dont!!!! if you can ghelp it.

i had a drink on friday after seeing my friend (mum has cancer) and i just went for it. felt like shit yesterday and feeling blue today as well. was not worth it x
 
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shell

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Apr 9, 2010
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175
Location
Lincolnshire
Sorry about your mum :hug:. Just want to thank you for your replies :) it really helps. Hope your feeling better today. x
 
D

DELATEXT

Guest
hope

glad you are a little better, being ill in not your fault !!
you're suffering in a black place, hope you can see your medical
support to help you ??
Try not to drink to much believe me it does help long term !!
Pain is awful especially emotional pain, raw deep and scaring.
good luck and well wishes..



:(:grouphug:
 
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shell

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 9, 2010
Messages
175
Location
Lincolnshire
Thanks for your replies

Just started on depakote omg I feel awful didn't get up till 1.00 I feel soooo sick :(. I just want to come off all the drugs Im sick of this just screamed at my hubby he doesn't know what its like :(. I will have to try and put on my happy face now got to go get kids soon x
 

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