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why can't I let this emotionally abusive relationship go?

D

deeplyhurt

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Joined
Jun 13, 2014
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I got involved (strange really close friendship w/benefits) with a guy that I fell in love with immediately... but he told me from day 1 the he is "different" than anyone I will ever meet. He has NEVER validated that our "relationship" was more than friendship... but it was definitely much more (not just according to me... actually by everyone who knows us). He has a terrible past, depression, and excessive explosive disorder. He was very difficult to get to know, and is so closed off to everyone (has almost no friends) and I am the only person who has ever been to his house. He tells me he is "meant to be alone."
We work together... he is a Personal Trainer, and helped me lose 25 pounds in 2 months (I had already lost 35).
After reading Many articles, I KNOW that I am being emotionally abused.... he threatens, ignores, is sometimes intentionally mean, etc. He is extremely stressed and when he is stressed he pushes everyone away.... I worry about him so much, but when/if I reach out, he lashes out at me. About a month ago, due to stress, he has pushed everyone away including me. He told me "don't take it personally," supposedly he is protecting me from himself (because of his excessive explosive disorder). I take being ignored very personally, especially when he doesn't even acknowledge my existence. It is SO hard to deal with because he is suppose to be supportive of me. He knows I am going thru a lot (dad just had major surgery)... but he seems completely indifferent to my feelings. It hurts so much and I still, for some reason just can't let go. Even tho he is basically killing me.
I tried to reach out to him, just to be threatened ("you and your family will wish you never met me if you contact me again."),. I have done exactly as he asked for the past month! NOT one word.... not even about being completely ignored. Tried not to take it personally... but at this point, he basically acts like he hates me.
I keep rationalizing with myself...I KNOW he cares about me.... but then I look at his actions and I am furious with him. He is not rational and it really bothers me and worries me.
Any advice on how to make myself just forget about him?
We work together, he co owns a business with my dad..... and he owes me $.... so we will inevitably be connected until he pays me off.
 
Mark_01

Mark_01

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Hello, deeplyhurt, and welcome to the forum. Truly sorry you are having problems.
 
Toasted Crumpet

Toasted Crumpet

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Feb 11, 2013
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Hi and welcome to the forum.

You can't change him and I would just leave him alone. If you have to work with him then keep it professional but if he is abusive towards you at work as well I'd start looking for another job. You are never going to be able to forget about him while you are still working with him.

Fact is if he cared about you he wouldn't treat you the way he does. I know what it's like when you like someone and you want to convince yourself that they do care really it's just that they have issues, but really - if he liked you the way you want he wouldn't treat you that way.

Unless he chooses to deal with his issues things won't change and you can't fix him.
 
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