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Why can't I let go of the pain?

K

khuang

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 26, 2014
Messages
876
Location
Avenue Q in the US
As hard as I try to move on from my only friend abandoning me shortly after my mom died, I just can't get over it. It just feels painful knowing that I did so many things for him and always kept my promise but he broke the only one he made to me. I try to move forward but I just can't. I do not know why I can't. I'm just so lonely now. I mean I know it's not normal to be afraid to make new friends but it terrifies me because I'm so afraid that any new friends I make will also end up hating me and abandoning me and I'll be alone even more. And the paranoia of letting people get to know me is made even worse by the fact that everyone that I talk to online or even meet will end up not liking me and just stop talking to me and acting like I don't exist. It happened again and now I think that maybe I wasn't meant to be happy or have good things happen to me and I should give up all together and just wait until I die a lonely death like I'm meant to have. What's the point of even trying if all i get is rejection and abandonment? There's no point to it at all and I should just quit.
 
Gajolene

Gajolene

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Joined
May 30, 2012
Messages
7,826
Location
small town Ontario, Canada
I have lost all my rl friends too Khuang, and many of them I still have trouble understanding why they did what they did after I gave them all my trust and opened up to them. It does hurt and I think it always will for me. All you can do really is to be true to yourself and hope you will meet someone new in the future that will accept, respect and be a true friend to you and be someone you can turn to for support in the future. In the meantime you still have us here as your friends.:hug::hug::hug:
 
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K

khuang

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 26, 2014
Messages
876
Location
Avenue Q in the US
I still don't understand why he did this to me. Thinking back, I also gave him a Pokemon card that could be sold for up to $500 and it was in VERY good condition. I let him have it because he said it was his favorite card and the one he had as a kid got burned up by a bully.
 
K

khuang

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 26, 2014
Messages
876
Location
Avenue Q in the US
Another person that said they liked me and wanted to date me has apparently abandoned me AGAIN even before we got to do anything else other than talk. Why does this keep happening?! Am I REALLY that unwantable that no one wants me and that I should just give up all together now because if SOMEONE did want me then why hasn't it happened yet? I'm going to be 30 next month and I am PATHETIC! I have nothing to show for what I have done in my life. It's been like two years since I've actually gotten a hug from someone who wasn't related to me. No one seems to want me for more than a month. And I've only had THREE dates in my entire life IF you don't count the ones where my dad literally paid complete strangers to go on a date with me and not even tell me that it was a date until a year later. Do you know how it FEELS to know that the ONLY way people will go out with you is if THEY are getting paid?! I just don't know what to do anymore.
 
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