- Feb 20, 2021
I just feel as though no one genuinely cares about me like I do them, and I confirm that later by how easy it seems to walk away from me. Im young, 23 years old, and feel as though I can't keep a friendship or a personal relationship for more than long. I guess Im the common denominator, but why? my self esteem is so low from it that it just makes it harder and harder when I want to open up to someone. I also feel that I'm constantly taking things extremely personally when the ill intentions weren't there. All of this triggers my abandonment issues that I have from my mom moving across country when I was a child. I feel as though I cling onto relationships that aren't healthy for the sake of not being alone, because Im not at peace with myself. My mental state constantly depends on whether someone is upset with me or not, and I'm constantly looking for approval. I fail to defend myself for so long that it gets bottled up and when I explode I feel guilty. Someone please help, I feel lost, helpless, and unloved. Ive tried therapy, and talking to people, but later I feel violated for opening up to someone.. And almost angry.