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Why are you afraid to leave the house?

D

Darby

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Joined
Nov 9, 2013
Messages
175
I want to ask because I want to learn more about agoraphobia and the different types, I would like to hear your experiences with it if possible. A little backstory.

I have barely left the house the past year, it's been over a year now actually maybe even getting close to 2 years. I'm going on 2 months since the last time I left the house. For me, one part is depression and having no interest in anything outside, I've got no reason to want to leave, theres nothing I want to do more than sleep and if I'm not tired then anything I can do to keep me interested and focused away from that depression.

The second reason and the main reason is fear, a fear of social interactions which I believe is mainly caused by body dysmorphic disorder and all the social anxities that brings along with it, a horrible self-consciousness which I have had for many years now. I can leave the house, I'm not afraid of people or what psychical dangers the world or people can cause me. It's more the psychic/mental pain that I perceive is being directed at me.

I used to have a pride and would push myself to go places and try to conquer my mental problems but after a break down over a long period I've shedded any ego/pride and personality I have. I see the world as a very grey and empty place and I have no care for living, all I want is to be able to support myself and be indepedent but agoraphobia and being around people is the biggest obstacle.

I would like to know your experiences and what your agoraphobia is fueled by? Is it very much a social anxiety related issue or does the fears really vary?
 
catkin

catkin

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in a bit of a ravel
I'm sorry you struggle so much. I hope it helps if others describe their difficulties with going out.
I don't have agoraphobia as such but I do struggle to leave my flat on a regular basis. For me its a few reasons, I don't feel safe in the area where I live, dread seeing people here. There's a lot of antisocial behaviour. I'm very aware of how big I am and fear more size and homophobic comments.
Things trigger me a lot, there's a lot of rubbish outside and I've tried to clear it, reported it etc but it doesn't get better and I feel unclean.
I think I get overloaded too easily, if people talk its always about bad stuff thats going on.I have tried to help animals in distress around here and fear retribution.
However, once I'm away from here I am relieved, then it's the reverse and I dread returning home!
Sorry I don't imagine this is helpful to you, but I hope you can keep battling and find a way forwards. Xx
 
D

Darby

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Joined
Nov 9, 2013
Messages
175
I'm sorry you struggle so much. I hope it helps if others describe their difficulties with going out.
I don't have agoraphobia as such but I do struggle to leave my flat on a regular basis. For me its a few reasons, I don't feel safe in the area where I live, dread seeing people here. There's a lot of antisocial behaviour. I'm very aware of how big I am and fear more size and homophobic comments.
Things trigger me a lot, there's a lot of rubbish outside and I've tried to clear it, reported it etc but it doesn't get better and I feel unclean.
I think I get overloaded too easily, if people talk its always about bad stuff thats going on.I have tried to help animals in distress around here and fear retribution.
However, once I'm away from here I am relieved, then it's the reverse and I dread returning home!
Sorry I don't imagine this is helpful to you, but I hope you can keep battling and find a way forwards. Xx
Thanks for replying and sharing a little of your story.

p.s it was helpful. :)
 
M

maddieshae

Member
Joined
Apr 10, 2015
Messages
5
I am not as afraid to leave the house as I was before being put on medication, but I still get anxious about it. Usually my stress stems from possible things that could happen to me while out of the house, (being hurt, having a panic attack, etc.). I have not started therapy yet so I do not know much about my panic disorder but I hope to find the root of the problem so I can fix it.
 
tiltawhirl

tiltawhirl

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Oct 30, 2010
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5,065
Location
Bristol, TN/VA, USA (near mountains and 6 hours fr
reason #1 I was stalked aggressively, sometimes violently, for 10 years by 2 men, some of the time by both at once. They terrorized me so that I did not feel free and safe. It gave me PTSD.
4 years ago I moved across country to a new area, I met my neighbors. 2 people I knew, that was all. So when I slunk out looking my worst to the grocery and someone slipped behind me and bumped carts and started saying hello, I flipping freaked out. that brought alot of my symptoms back. I like and need anonymity. I live in a mobile home park so everyone knows everything I do..or they think they do. I don't fit in and they are very critical. I love traveling and fests and such but have limitations- financial, on how much of that we can do. I just plain do not like shopping tho.

#2-I was a beautiful sexy woman and very confident. Now my appearance is off putting. My meds have put 65lbs on me and worse all my teeth are rotted. It's embarrassing and a confidence buster. People treat me completely differently and it is humiliating, very demeaning.

#3-I am not the social butterfly type. I hate meaningless chit chat and will never learn how to do it. I am a people watcher so when I desire, I can strike up a conversation but I do not try to make friends.

#4-I am most comfortable at home and can entertain myself.

After being suprised in the grocery....I panicked about going out and almost would not for around a year.

Things are getting easier for me now tho.
 
Yabbo

Yabbo

Member
Joined
Apr 8, 2015
Messages
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United Kingdom/ Great Britain
Reasons I do not leave the house. Okay, prepare for some weird shit from me.

1) Threat of attack, verbal, physical etc. Now, I'm a pretty unpopular guy, always have been, and people (thugs, delinquents) like to throw abuse or fists my way. So I avoid going out to avoid that. It's happened quite a few times now.
2) Stalking; I have and still am (sporadically) being stalked by one these delinquents I speak of, as well as the above point, he takes pictures of me and follows me around.
3) Vasovagal Syncope; Fainting, I have a Neurocardiogenic condition that causes me to pass out when under stress, this affects my cardiovascular system, sympathetic nervous system and adrenal glads. So I like to avoid the stress of it as much as possible.
 
nonotme

nonotme

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Jan 13, 2015
Messages
1,522
I stay indoors due to anger issues with other people, I find social contact at times very difficult and will avoid at all costs. I know this makes my depression worse. I also avoid leaving my room let alone the house. I've not been in my sitting rooms for days now, no curtains opened in over a week.
 
D

Darby

Well-known member
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Nov 9, 2013
Messages
175
Thanks for the reply maddie, I hope therapy works for you.
 
T

The*Nothing

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Joined
Apr 19, 2015
Messages
5
I have rarely left my home in 12 yrs only medical appointments and respite , I once took care of my self and had pride in my apperance but once I got off the world and became the recluse that I know I am once the depression started ,I dont want to go out to have people who may remember who I once was and how Iv let myself go and what a fruit loop I now am ,its my prison iv made it and I have hidden the key ,yet im not happy ,im so sad and want more but someting stops me and so each day I sit here looking out at the world go by I wish I had never got off the world as now Im so entrenched I dont know if I will ever be able to get back on it.
 
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D

Darby

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 9, 2013
Messages
175
I have rarely left my home in 12 yrs only medical appointments and respite , I once took care of my self and had pride in my apperance but once I got off the world and became the recluse that I know I am once the depression started ,I dont want to go out to have people who may remember who I once was and how Iv let myself go and what a fruit loop I now am ,its my prison iv made it and I have hidden the key ,yet im not happy ,im so sad and want more but someting stops me and so each day I sit here looking out at the world go by I wish I had never got off the world as now Im so entrenched I dont know if I will ever be able to get back on it.
You've spoken to your GP about this? I can only imagine that you've already tried therapy, how was it for you?

Thank you for replying, I hope the next week brings you some joy.
 
U

urbangibbon

Guest
I want to ask because I want to learn more about agoraphobia and the different types, I would like to hear your experiences with it if possible. A little backstory.

I have barely left the house the past year, it's been over a year now actually maybe even getting close to 2 years. I'm going on 2 months since the last time I left the house. For me, one part is depression and having no interest in anything outside, I've got no reason to want to leave, theres nothing I want to do more than sleep and if I'm not tired then anything I can do to keep me interested and focused away from that depression.

The second reason and the main reason is fear, a fear of social interactions which I believe is mainly caused by body dysmorphic disorder and all the social anxities that brings along with it, a horrible self-consciousness which I have had for many years now. I can leave the house, I'm not afraid of people or what psychical dangers the world or people can cause me. It's more the psychic/mental pain that I perceive is being directed at me.

I used to have a pride and would push myself to go places and try to conquer my mental problems but after a break down over a long period I've shedded any ego/pride and personality I have. I see the world as a very grey and empty place and I have no care for living, all I want is to be able to support myself and be indepedent but agoraphobia and being around people is the biggest obstacle.

I would like to know your experiences and what your agoraphobia is fueled by? Is it very much a social anxiety related issue or does the fears really vary?
Sounds very much like me, Darby. I have suffered all my life with skin problems on the face. I am a depressive and suffer social anxiety and agoraphobia. I can completely identify with your housebound mentality. For me, home is safety and where I can just be myself. Outside is verbal and emotional abuse from others and the pain I get with that. I am so much like you. I became like I am now. I was not always like this. Life is pain. Hell can be other people.
 
T

The*Nothing

Member
Joined
Apr 19, 2015
Messages
5
I spoke to my GP years ago and nothing happened in the end I phoned mental health desperate for help ,iv just started with a great phycologist he has helped me deal with a lot of stuff in my head from the past but that barrier that stops me going out is still there ,I just hope one day I will overcome it before my life is over as the thought of spending another 12 years indoors fills me with such sadness.
 
D

Dreamer818

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2015
Messages
91
Location
England
Sometimes I struggle to leave the house and when I do leave the house I only go to the same places, at the time of day when I know it's not going to be busy.

I think the main reason I'm afraid to go out is I worry someone will be physically or verbally abusive towards me and I wont know what to do. I also worry about being out numbered, not that I'd stand any sort of chance in a fight of any kind.
 
U

urbangibbon

Guest
Sometimes I struggle to leave the house and when I do leave the house I only go to the same places, at the time of day when I know it's not going to be busy.

I think the main reason I'm afraid to go out is I worry someone will be physically or verbally abusive towards me and I wont know what to do. I also worry about being out numbered, not that I'd stand any sort of chance in a fight of any kind.
I struggle as well and only go out if I really must, for example, to go to the shops, visit the doctor or pharmacy, etc. Like you, I get verbal abuse. I use to take it, go home and feel upset and angry. No longer. NOBODY - WHATEVER YOUR APPEARANCE OR DISABILITY- DESERVES TO BE VERBALLY ABUSED (UNLESS THEY THEMSELVES INITIATE ABUSE) BY ANYBODY. DO NOT COMPLY> DO NOT ACCEPT IT>FIGHT BACK AGAINST THE ABUSIVE BULLY. If I am verbally abused, I give what I get. And if they decide to physically assault me, I get ready to physically and legally defend myself with some martial arts training which I have done. You are legally entitled to defend yourself if you are attacked verbally or physically in the street. Verbal abuse produces emotional injury and physical abuse physical injury.

I have found out that I always feel worse if I don't fight back. I feel better if I have engaged the abuser in a verbal joust. I have stood up for myself and fought to maintain my integrity as a human being. I am intelligent and educated so I have learned to cultivate some very effective put-downs which really knock back the abuser.

You must get yourself into a frame of mind which states unequivocally : "IF YOU SUBJECT ME TO VERBAL ABUSE, I AM GOING TO VERBALLY THUMP AND KICK YOU. AND IF YOU PHYSICALLY ATTACK ME, I WILL NOT ROLL OVER INTO A BALL AND TAKE IT. I WILL DEFEND MYSELF!"
 
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Y

ymatta

Member
Joined
Jun 30, 2015
Messages
5
when i was in middle/high school i was harassed for a few years by a group of guys about how i look. my ocd kinda just fed on that and with worsening over the past few years now i need to look perfect/just right before i can go outside. for a few months out of this year i couldn't go outside because i gained weight, and i stayed inside til i lost 30 lbs. i had long hair but i couldn't style it perfectly so i've been cutting it and now it's close to shaved. i also can't always find affordable clothing in my size (i'm still overweight). and i have a list of rituals i have to do before leaving. so pretty much why i can't go outside very often, just to the grocery store once a week.
 
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