Why are people so mean?

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Fairyjane

New member
Joined
Aug 24, 2009
Messages
3
Location
Qld, Australia
#1
It was my brother in laws wedding on the weekend but we (hubby and I) didn't end up going. Not only did I have extreme anxiety about the whole thing but it turns out he didn't want us there. I have bipolar and my hubby has depression and we can't work. We sometimes can't organise normal day to day lives let alone work. His brother push and poked and caused trouble till he told me to go and do rude things to myself and then we decided not to attend only to discover afterwards that he didn't want us there in the first place and the rest of my hubby's relatives spent the evening complaining how we will never amount to anything blah, blah. blah. This sort of stuff happens and people wonder why I prefer to hang around the house with hubby and our pets? I think it is self explanatory really. Oh he didn't want us there because he didn't want his business associates to think that he "hung out" with people like us ie people who are a little different. Bastards all of them seriously if they didn't want us there they just had to say and save us the anxiety of the whole thing. Did everyone know that if we all got jobs and just worked a little harder we would forget about our "problems"? Well according to his highness father in law anyway. Is it wrong of me to think really horrible thoughts about him or am I overreacting??
 
keepsafe

keepsafe

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 15, 2008
Messages
13,626
#2
Welcome to the forum,

People are mean because they do not understand the problems that you are facing on a daily basis - they think that poeple like 'us' don;t have a place in society - ignorant people thats what I say

Take care and hope you find it helpful here

KS
 
L

Lost.Boy

Active member
Joined
Oct 16, 2009
Messages
37
Location
East Anglia
#3
I believe it's down to ignorance and to a degree not being taught tolerance at a young age, sadly it's a common thing. People are generally made to fear anything that isn't culturally accepted as normal or feel obliged to pretend they fear it in order to fit in. Usually the same people who might say something like "snap out of it", "get a job" or "life is what you make it". Of course we know it's not that simple.

It's like schoolyard bullying, if someone is being teased and you are the one who doesn't join in, people turn on you for being different and not joining in.

I know it's hard to do and while I say this, deep down I can never feel it even though it's true, you have to accept they are the ones with the problem in this situation not you. They sound like the kind of people you could do without in your life and probably aren't worth your time of day.

You're not wrong to be mad though, not at all, i'd be mad if someone was so gutless and two faced towards me too. Don't dwell on it too much though as it'll only drive you towards wanting payback which would help noone.
 
S

shywolf

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Joined
Oct 17, 2009
Messages
51
Location
hamilton scotland
#4
most people are arseholes i dont like them they dont like me seemples i stay away from them and stay in and get on better with my cat anyway:Di am sane its everybody else thats mad:p:tea:
 
J

jamesdean

Guest
#5
most people are arseholes i dont like them they dont like me seemples i stay away from them and stay in and get on better with my cat anyway:Di am sane its everybody else thats mad:p:tea:
I dont have a cat anymore but I agree with everything else JD
 
S

starfish

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Joined
Oct 15, 2009
Messages
659
Location
country cottage
#6
dolores

what ignorant people your in-laws sound, unfortunately i have the same problem with my own family, being told to snap out of a very deep depression myself. my husbands side of our family however are supportive.i dont know what support groups you have in australia, but where i live {england} i can attend day care where i get to interact with people like myself. all the best.
 
thing fish

thing fish

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 1, 2009
Messages
150
Location
ohio
#7
people are assholes..the sooner you accept that the better off you'll be
 
S

sallyv

Member
Joined
Nov 25, 2009
Messages
5
#8
I believe it's down to ignorance and sadly it's a common thing. People are generally made to fear anything that isn't culturally accepted as normal or feel obliged to pretend they fear it in order to fit in. Usually the same people who might say something like "snap out of it", "get a job" or "life is what you make it". Of course we know it's not that simple.
 
L

Lil

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 6, 2009
Messages
114
#9
I'm really late responding on this but only just got here :)

I have found most people seem uncomfortable with being faced with other people with problems. Maybe its from not knowing how to deal with it.

During a bout of bad depression a few years ago i was told by an old boss once to act happy and chirpy when in the office because no one wanted to know that I had problems. Sounds kind of mean but she was right.

If someone asks how you are, they would rather you lie and say you're absolutely fantastic and laugh manically than actually give them an honest answer. I guess people tend to feed off others emotions a bit too.

Because the 'accepted norm' is to put on the happy mask, people are becoming so sheltered from others true selves they just don't know how to handle it when around someone who isn't playing their little happy faces games.

And like Sallyv said, human nature is to fear what it doesn't understand. Clearly they have no understanding of depression. Family should be supportive regardless. Sounds like your father-in-law needs to do a little research before offering his opinion.
 
D

diddypinks

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jun 7, 2009
Messages
1,948
#10
that is a common stigma get a job you'll be alright people say that about the homless too. i dont know about bipolar but with shizophrenia the stress of a job would literally make me ill. i think the trick is to conduct yourself in a way that you are proud of. ignore it some people will NEVER understand. i cannot stand the fact that people with trauma are being labelled workshy lazy people but most people are stupid i guess. god luck and if i get married you and your husband can come to my wedding lol :mad: