Why am I so stupid?

R

Rose19602

Guest
I have an appointment with my therapist tonight and we are supposed to be discussing my new rational way of dealing with my worries.
I am worried about my diagnosis currently....can't get it off my mind. A letter from my psych mid-week aggravated the situation somewhat.

My therapist contacted me during the week, in response to an email I sent him, in which I ranted about the psych's letter, and he set me some homework to go through to help me see things more rationally and to pick apart the worries. I did this and felt better.

Then an advocate I had contacted to help me through this rang me this morning. I climbed straight back into the worry cycle again and poured out all my concerns until I was really wound up and stressed and felt well and truly sorry for myself. I'm now worried that I probably p*****d her off in the process.
Did I stop there? No!
I was then so upset and couldn't get it off my mind that I rang the GP to vent my concerns and got into a right tizz with them too!

When will I ever learn to leave well alone, stand back and not over-react to the worries when they overwhelm me!! I am stupid, dumb and have probably made things ten times worse than they were before. aaaaagh!!!
It's so much easier giving advice to other people...... I hate this!
x
 
R

Rose19602

Guest
I think I am....
I'm the Queen of knee jerk reactions!
x
 
L

Lunar

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Messages
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Hi Kitty, not dumb or stupid, just very anxious. I`m sure the advocate is used to people pouring their hearts out, and now she has an idea what she has to deal with. Don`t beat yourself up, tell your therapist tonight and get some more homework, make him earn his keep! Love`n`Hugs xxx Jim.
 
R

Rose19602

Guest
Thanks Jim....I'm a bloody nightmare! I need a restraining order or similar.
Good to see you posting again my friend! I missed you.
Hope all's well with you today?
x
 
L

Lunar

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Joined
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Messages
305
Location
Peterborough
Hi Kitty, got some sun here so been walkies with Molly this afternoon - cheap therapy!! Hugs xx
 
Hellbilly

Hellbilly

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Kitty you are not stupid or dumb but maybe a restraining order would be a good idea lol
I find you to be one of the sharpest people on here. I hope you app goes ok ill be waiting to hear about it
But think on this .what advice would you give someone in same situation???
Then ignore it and carry on lol
Chin up love
 
F

fallen

Guest
Hi MK,

I think in your position I would have reacted the same way. But it's hard enough being ill, let alone having these extra problems. And, just because you've been given a way of looking at things rationally, doesn't mean that your behaviour will change overnight-it will take practice so don't beat yourself up!

Good luck for later.

big hugs :hug1:
 
DizzyPrincess

DizzyPrincess

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Joined
May 5, 2012
Messages
1,056
Your not stupid misskitty! When in that cycle it is hard to break and i'm sure the people you spoke to have seen/heard worse. Hope your therapy session goes ok x
 
C

charbradeagpad

Active member
Joined
Jul 14, 2012
Messages
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Hi MisKitty believe you me you are NOT stupid or dumb you have helped me no end byreplying to my post you are anxious just like me. Im sending you a big hug x
 
R

Rose19602

Guest
Well, not bad.
My therapist is really nice and very understanding although I had done everything we discussed I wouldn't do. It was useful to have "screwed up" in that in gave us a chance to analyse my behaviour and what goes through my mind. Apparently I am so keen to avoid the inevitable - in this case a diagnosis - that I go into overdrive and put obstacles in the way so that the inevitable will not happen. In this case I complained about the psych's behaviour, and the GPs behaviour, insisted on finding out what was on my patient records and even offered to come into the surgery for the GP to scrutinise every inch of me in order to prove that I did not self harm........yeeeees, rather OTT !!
I've worked out that I confront when my back's against the wall and I can see no other way out, but because I am full of self doubt and fear I do a pretty poor job of it and end up flagging up all of the issues that I want to play down. I then fall apart at the seams and worry myself stupid about what I've done.

Before my heart problems I confronted my anxiety and rarely avoided things - but since it happened I'm so terrified that something awful will happen as a result of trying to confront things that it undermines me and I'm a quaking wreck.

What a mess!

I've got some behaviour pattern forms to fill out for the next two weeks, and I'm supposed to stop and think before I act, when under stress. Basically, get it in proportion, think it through and then act. Whether that will work without the confidence to do it with aplomb I have no idea......
We also have some work to do on self esteem and confidence which is at an all time low.

I have a rowing race to go to on Sunday where I will meet some people I dislike and don't trust. Maybe that will be an opportunity to face them out with some recent behaviour that I let go.....Hmmm not sure I fancy it much.
x
 
R

Rose19602

Guest
Oh...and I forgot to say thank you and big hugs back to all you lovely people for supporting me.
x
 
F

fallen

Guest
It's great that you've managed to explore why you have acted the way you do.
It will take time to readjust your behaviour but it will come with practice. It's not an exact thing though-everyone makes mistakes and there are bound to be times when you go OTT as everyone does at some point.
Don't be too hard on yourself and don't expect miracles overnight-you'll be fine-you're moving forward and learning all the time-that's a good thing-your confidence will return too.
Oh, social situations with people you're not keen on-can understand why you're not looking forward to it! You'll be fine though. Smile, hold your head high and be really nice-don't let them get the better of you. Oh, and of course, enjoy the event even if you don't enjoy the company!

:hug1:
 
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