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Why am I not allowed to just be me

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cherbear

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Ever since my attempted suicide it seems everyone has a notion of what my so called "normal" self should be . Apparently I should be lively , bubbly , talkative , quirky , there at drop of a hat for everyone , fearless , go getting . In no way should I have quiet moments . The truth I tell others is that I need peace and quiet and time for myself too alot of the time I don't always feel lively quite the opposite but because that is not their perception of me all I get is come on this is not like you you need to get back to how you were . I'm not looking for a pity party . It's just frustrating when others will not listen to what you need for your own well being . I understand others want the best for me and to see me in a better place but there seems to be no acceptance of the fact that I am at times naturally quiet and just need my own space .
 
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cherbear

Guest
Aw , stuff it ! I'm fed up of having to apologise for not only for having MH issues but being physicaly ill too in what world is that flamin right .
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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I can sympathise. I used to be bubbly lively confident, really this was because I was always drunk or high. I'm also good at putting on an act to hide who I am. But I don't even know who I am anymore.
 
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cherbear

Guest
Hi Maybe.shes.a.wildflower ! How are you hunny hope you are ok ? I put up a front some of the time so I empathise . I'm pretty lost about who I am too . Everyone else has their opininion of who I am I don't have a clue at the minute It's like being stuck in fog every now and then you get glimpses then your lost again . Love and hugs xxxx
 
StillFighting

StillFighting

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Dec 28, 2014
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508
Hey, no one is to tell you who or how you should be! I mean, **** those people (I'm not sure if I'm supposed to curse here, thus the asterisks, sorry!). Everyone's entitled to some time of peace and quietness when they need it, you shouldn't have to explain yourself for that. Listen to yourself, that's your damn life! Sending hugs!
 
Sparklypurplepaws

Sparklypurplepaws

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I can totally emphasise with you on this one - I'm lost too, I used to be a strong, independent career woman and now I feel like im nothing! People who used to know me don't understand why I'm not still the person I was.
Don't worry what people think cherbear, try and ignore them. Be the person you need to be right now x
 
maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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I do think the depression, well it has for me, takes away your personality but I am my own worst enemy as I've let it happen, i'm the one who stopped doing the things i used to enjoy.
I hope your dont let others peoples opinions get you down, that's one thing I'm actually good at, not giving a shit about what other people think. If they can't handle me tough titties to them!
 
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cherbear

Guest
:hug5: Group hug xxxx ? Hope you are all OK Really sorry to hear you all struggle with this too . Thanks for all the replies I really appreciate them means a lot . I know I have put them through a lot these last few days and I am genuinely sorry for what I have put them through , they thought I was a goner . However it's been no secret that I was really struggling from depression , had a history of blackouts and been ill to the point of being in hospital in the past . So for people to say what's wrong then grates on me . My other half has been incredible over the past few months and his been in pieces over the last few days .Yesterday he reached his limit he has SAD , panic attacks and anxiety so I sympathise with him and I'm there for him too but he threw it back in my face yesterday asked "what's wrong with yah !" and "where is the girl he met" . Had a massive row but made up and for the first time really had a bare your soul heat to heart . I used to be confident enough to be my own person and have a good sense of myself but at the moment I'm just lost . I guess I just wish I was being given time to find myself again and for them to understand I'm worried that Doctors keep saying I'm physically ill but have no idea what is wrong with me and breath lol ! Lots of love and hugs to you all xxxxxx
 
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maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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Are you eating well? good balanced diet?
I guess they've taken blood pressure and tests to check your health?
 
C

cherbear

Guest
My appetite has been really low and I lost a lot of weight fast . So what I do eat and drink I try to make sure is as healthy as possible and balanced and that I eat rubbish only on odd occasions . I also walk a lot and try to get as much fresh air as possible but Scottish weather puts paid to that at times . I have had anxiety issues since my teens and have vasovagal attacks and used to have very low blood pressure which did not help . Now my blood pressure is mainly stable but can get too high or too low at times . Have had loads of blood tests my arms are a mess and I am having more bloods taken in a weeks time . Had a chest X-ray which came back clear . My blood results are starting to get to where they should be but they are monitoring my liver as they are trying to figure out if there is an underlying medical condition . The psychology team thought there may be an issue with my ovaries . Others have said I have an infection but they can not figure out where and I have been drip fed two rounds of antibiotics . Possibility I may have a head scan at some point to make sure this no infection in my brain . A thyroid exam has been suggested too . What's a girl to do ?! lol xxxx
 
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maybe.shes.a.wildflower

maybe.shes.a.wildflower

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That's good news they are actively seeking a diagnosis!! And thàt you eat the right things. Persevere and youll get there
 
F

fair&square75

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Nov 11, 2014
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166
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Hi Cherbear, by heck you have alot on your plate,bless you,just sending u a hug ....its horrid fighting mental and physical illness,I got pretty poorly with sickness/ high blood pressure and it seemed to last forever but bit by bit I'm getting better,I had lots of tests done but so far nothing has been confirmed...just to let you know you're not alone and you take as much time out on your own as you need,you cant always be reassuring people can you and backing them up (about your personality etc) when you are the poorly one and having a hell of a time of it by the sounds of it :/... also,you are doing things to help yourself which is fantastic as sometimes I couldn't do anything when I was bad....please hang on in there,I promise it can get better,not always 100% but any kind of improvement will be great,sometimes when you get a diagnosis off what's wrong physically,it can take a load off your mind,all the best to you �� x
 
StillFighting

StillFighting

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Dec 28, 2014
Messages
508
Big hugs! You've been through so much, it only makes sense you feel lost. I'm sorry for what your partner told you, I would have been pissed too, but glad you made up. Give yourself as much time as you need to recover, you're taking steps towards getting well and that's a great thing! I hope doctors figure out what is going on with your physical health issues.
 
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jeztepes

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Jan 10, 2015
Messages
85
Cherbear

you be who you want to be , or who you need to be ,, not always the same !!!!!,, other people have been telling me what to be , since i was kid and it twisted me into a mess .... neither one nor the other ,,, No one was happy not me and not those who were trying to impose their vision on me


So tell them to back off ,, your a woman now not a kiddy ,,,,,be strong be fair be yourself , dont let anyone crush your ego even if you are a PITA sometimes ,
if they really love you they will ,,,, stand strong too.
 
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cherbear

Guest
Aw ! Thanks so much everyone xxx Group hug :hug5: I'm tearing up , wear my on sleeve I do , you would never know that from my posts would you ;) You have all been so lovely x Sparkly as always you are an absolute angel x STILLFIGHTING , you are my Knight in shining in armour thanks for caring so much x Maybe.she .is.a.wildflower you have a heart of gold thanks for your concern hunny x Fairandsquare75 So sorry to hear you have been going through a similar thing . Hope you get all the support, help and love you need . Hope you also get a diagnosis and make a good and full recovery . thanks so much for caring , big hugs x JEZTEPES So sorry to hear you have had others do this to you too . Hope you get to the place you want to be . That's sound advice too , big hugs . Hope you are all OK !? If any of you ever want to chat please feel free to PM me . Sending massive hugs to you all and lots of love :loveshower::hug: xxxxxx
 
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