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Who would do this???

megirl

megirl

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Apr 9, 2010
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NZ
Yeh some of my friends think hes the best ex husband ever makes me feel like killing myself...maybe that's what he wants make his life easier
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

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Mar 19, 2019
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5,490
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UK
So yes I find it difficult but just dont reply to his messages
If it was me, I WOULD reply to his messages immediately - but never deviate from the phrase "I'm fine thanks".

If you don't reply, you cause intrigue...invite attention and concern and prompt him to find out if something's wrong.

If you answer the question and clearly don't want to talk any further than that, he'll soon get the message.

If you can let go of him, mentally, you'll be much happier and open to new possibilities and other life experiences. At the moment, you're just 'hanging around the funeral parlour' when your relationship was officially buried a long time ago.

Forget him and think about you.
 
midnightphoenix

midnightphoenix

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Joined
Mar 9, 2012
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13,862
Location
Tigger and Willow's house UK
What I did last time I broke up with a ex was I changed his name on my phone to something insulting so i was less likely to respond to it.

Like "stinky ratbag do not answer" (for example)

:hug:
 
C

Coolname

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Joined
Jun 3, 2019
Messages
294
Location
UK
My ex just text me and told me Alice ...his new girlfriend are getting on great.... Then he sends me a picture of her.
Asks me how I am, I dont reply for three days. He texts me apparently concerned?? Like what? Anyway silly me texts back. Then he tells me she's off work for 4 days so they are spending that time together.
Umm..the other weekend he tells me shes great in bed??
And silly me still replys to his texts.
And now i m drinking.
Told my pdoc and support worker I dont have anything to do with him ...and no I'm not interested in drinking,
Lies and lies course I was happy to be discharged feels great now not too sure
Hiya

Short answer? He is definitely not interested in you any more. As hard as it is to accept that when we don't want to believe it, it is the only way to feel better about it all. Long answer? I can't put it better than Lunar Lady already did.
 
M

Mary26

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Joined
Feb 28, 2018
Messages
201
Location
USA
If he had moved on he wouldn't be trying to make you jealous. He wouldn't be texting you at all. So no, I think he still has strong ties to you and if it makes you feel any better, I suspect you have more power here than you think. He wants a reaction. Question is, are you gonna give him one? If you do ignore him, you get to move on and he gets frustrated.
 
J

Jules5

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Joined
Jan 27, 2019
Messages
1,790
Location
Florida
Sounds like he is not happy with his new girlfriend if he keeps calling you. This does not mean he is yours forever he seems to want more activity than you. You need to retaliate and let him know that you are on to him. Why call you when he should be faithful to this other girl.

He is not some one you want in a serious relationship. He is proving this each time he texts you. You just put up with it and long for more but it is not going to happen the way you want it to. So sorry for your loss. Just move on and do not engage pretend you have a boyfriend and that is that game over. Love and hugs Jules
 
megirl

megirl

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Apr 9, 2010
Messages
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NZ
Yes that's it really. I'm putting up with because it feels like he still cares as he texts me. But then yeh I need to say no that's enough
 
SwanLake

SwanLake

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Joined
May 20, 2019
Messages
1,169
Yeh some of my friends think hes the best ex husband ever makes me feel like killing myself...maybe that's what he wants make his life easier
As a man My view is this, his current relationship is not as wonderful as he is making out and so what he is really doing is keeping you available ‘just in case’. He doesn’t want to end up alone because that would make him feel vulnerable. In short, even if you still have feelings for him you would be wasting your time, because you would face a life of permanent suffering.
My advice would be this. Send him a text simply stating that you have decided to move on with your life and request that he no longer contacts you. If he does it again, that he’ll be blocked (or you’ll change your number).
This approach will be painful to you, but only for a matter of days. It’s obviously your choice but in my mind this will cause you the least amount of suffering and allow you to find future happiness. 🤗
 
Lunar Lady

Lunar Lady

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Joined
Mar 19, 2019
Messages
5,490
Location
UK
Let's be honest - some individuals like having control over another human being because it feeds their ego.

If he can see a visible effect caused in you by describing how wonderful the new girlfriend is, he knows you still have feelings for him and he can step in and out of your life at will. This is a power trip. He's also using you as a convenience - cup of tea and a chat when he's at a loose end.

If the relationship ended in March 2018, this has dragged on too long to be good for you.

Separation will be better for your peace of mind - but it will also make you extremely desirable because he can't have you. He might weigh up very seriously what he lost and make a concerted effort to win you back. You shouldn't settle for anything less than that. This man has never had a chance to miss you because you're still in his life. Get excited about meeting new people and moving forward. You might decide in three months that you would get back together - or decide he can't hold a candle to the new fella..or find he can never give you the level of respect that the 'new you' knows you deserve.

Wishing you happiness ....something much better could be just around the corner. x
 
D

dewey

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Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,040
I know that's what the psych team have told me and I lied and said yep I havnt had any contact with him here I am a lier and loser
I have to see he IS truly a loser. The reason why he is saying this to you is because he is an insecure loser, who feels the need to have power/a hold over you. If he is in contact with you and telling you these things, he feels he is a right casanova, that he can tell you these things (which he thinks gets an emotional response from you), at the same time as have a new girlfriend. That right there is him craving power, to prove to himself he still has a hold over you... and why would anyone feel the need to do this unless they are deeply insecure?

That is what my intuition tells me. I am saying this because I have been in a similar situation. Old boyfriend/ on-off, absolutely no contact at all for ages, then as soon as he gets in a relationship feels the need to suddenly text to see how I am... later it transpires that he is in a relationship and would I like to hang out with them, as a three. Why on earth would I like to hang out with my ex and his new girlfriend? He wanted to have 'power' and be a right stud LOL. I told him where to stick it.

I agree with whoever said you should cut all contact. That's the only way to rise above the situation.

If you made a commitment to stop drinking you should continue to stop because to get triggered by someone as pathetic as that is just disrespectful to yourself.

Just so long as you take responsibility for what you did in drinking, and take back control, you won't be the loser. You got off the wagon once you can do it again. The thing about a relapse is it doesn't undermine over all progress. You still make the same progress overall, but just with a tiny step backwards, a blip.
 
megirl

megirl

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Apr 9, 2010
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NZ
He is triggering me. All I'm doing is let it all happen. Its great he will help me if I need but really? I guess there's always a price to pay for everything. I need to get back on track. Yesterday at work because I hadn't been drinking for a few days I was more my friendly relaxed self. Interesting ..
 
D

dewey

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Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,040
He is triggering me. All I'm doing is let it all happen. Its great he will help me if I need but really? I guess there's always a price to pay for everything. I need to get back on track. Yesterday at work because I hadn't been drinking for a few days I was more my friendly relaxed self. Interesting ..
Honestly, drinking... so difficult to resist because of all the social temptation. And when you feel like you have no one in the world, it feels like a friend. But it is the pure poison for anyone with mental health problems. Literally no way is alcohol going to be your friend or help you. It will just take you lower and fuck with your brain chemistry even more. Speak from experience.

You got this. Let your ex continue to feel the need to 'prove' himself and how great he is, you move on and focus on yourself :) I wouldn't rely on him for emotional support either, sometimes it's best just to cut bonds
 
megirl

megirl

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One of the nurses in the office brings her 6 month old baby girl in. Most unusual for me but I was so interactive and having a ball with the little one. She smiles as soon as she sees me which I have no idea why but makes me feel good
 
megirl

megirl

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Actually you just hit the nail on the head. What is he doing for my mental well being,??? emotionally how's he helping???? No hes not doing me any good where it matters most. He knows I adore the dog, his dog really let me have him. Hes on double the money I am on and 10 times when I was on the benefit. Help me out with vaccinations, dog food etc no way!!
 
D

dewey

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Jan 16, 2019
Messages
1,040
Actually you just hit the nail on the head. What is he doing for my mental well being,??? emotionally how's he helping???? No hes not doing me any good where it matters most. He knows I adore the dog, his dog really let me have him. Hes on double the money I am on and 10 times when I was on the benefit. Help me out with vaccinations, dog food etc no way!!
Yep, just like in the other thread you were just helping me with, you gotta be careful who are your 'friends' and who are your actual friends.

It's very easy especially if you've been raised without your needs being met, to attract bad friends and believe they are good friends... when they take more than they give.

Be careful, there's some great souls out there, but some rotten ones too :).

I'm glad you're feeling better, and hope you can stay clear of the devil drink. I mean it when I say it's posion, I've seen what it does to people. All the best to you my dear x
 
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