Who would do this???

J

Jules5

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Sounds like he is not happy with his new girlfriend if he keeps calling you. This does not mean he is yours forever he seems to want more activity than you. You need to retaliate and let him know that you are on to him. Why call you when he should be faithful to this other girl.

He is not some one you want in a serious relationship. He is proving this each time he texts you. You just put up with it and long for more but it is not going to happen the way you want it to. So sorry for your loss. Just move on and do not engage pretend you have a boyfriend and that is that game over. Love and hugs Jules
 
megirl

megirl

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Yes that's it really. I'm putting up with because it feels like he still cares as he texts me. But then yeh I need to say no that's enough
 
Lunus

Lunus

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Yeh some of my friends think hes the best ex husband ever makes me feel like killing myself...maybe that's what he wants make his life easier
As a man My view is this, his current relationship is not as wonderful as he is making out and so what he is really doing is keeping you available ‘just in case’. He doesn’t want to end up alone because that would make him feel vulnerable. In short, even if you still have feelings for him you would be wasting your time, because you would face a life of permanent suffering.
My advice would be this. Send him a text simply stating that you have decided to move on with your life and request that he no longer contacts you. If he does it again, that he’ll be blocked (or you’ll change your number).
This approach will be painful to you, but only for a matter of days. It’s obviously your choice but in my mind this will cause you the least amount of suffering and allow you to find future happiness. 🤗
 
L

Lunar Lady

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Let's be honest - some individuals like having control over another human being because it feeds their ego.

If he can see a visible effect caused in you by describing how wonderful the new girlfriend is, he knows you still have feelings for him and he can step in and out of your life at will. This is a power trip. He's also using you as a convenience - cup of tea and a chat when he's at a loose end.

If the relationship ended in March 2018, this has dragged on too long to be good for you.

Separation will be better for your peace of mind - but it will also make you extremely desirable because he can't have you. He might weigh up very seriously what he lost and make a concerted effort to win you back. You shouldn't settle for anything less than that. This man has never had a chance to miss you because you're still in his life. Get excited about meeting new people and moving forward. You might decide in three months that you would get back together - or decide he can't hold a candle to the new fella..or find he can never give you the level of respect that the 'new you' knows you deserve.

Wishing you happiness ....something much better could be just around the corner. x
 
D

dewey

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I know that's what the psych team have told me and I lied and said yep I havnt had any contact with him here I am a lier and loser
I have to see he IS truly a loser. The reason why he is saying this to you is because he is an insecure loser, who feels the need to have power/a hold over you. If he is in contact with you and telling you these things, he feels he is a right casanova, that he can tell you these things (which he thinks gets an emotional response from you), at the same time as have a new girlfriend. That right there is him craving power, to prove to himself he still has a hold over you... and why would anyone feel the need to do this unless they are deeply insecure?

That is what my intuition tells me. I am saying this because I have been in a similar situation. Old boyfriend/ on-off, absolutely no contact at all for ages, then as soon as he gets in a relationship feels the need to suddenly text to see how I am... later it transpires that he is in a relationship and would I like to hang out with them, as a three. Why on earth would I like to hang out with my ex and his new girlfriend? He wanted to have 'power' and be a right stud LOL. I told him where to stick it.

I agree with whoever said you should cut all contact. That's the only way to rise above the situation.

If you made a commitment to stop drinking you should continue to stop because to get triggered by someone as pathetic as that is just disrespectful to yourself.

Just so long as you take responsibility for what you did in drinking, and take back control, you won't be the loser. You got off the wagon once you can do it again. The thing about a relapse is it doesn't undermine over all progress. You still make the same progress overall, but just with a tiny step backwards, a blip.
 
megirl

megirl

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He is triggering me. All I'm doing is let it all happen. Its great he will help me if I need but really? I guess there's always a price to pay for everything. I need to get back on track. Yesterday at work because I hadn't been drinking for a few days I was more my friendly relaxed self. Interesting ..
 
D

dewey

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He is triggering me. All I'm doing is let it all happen. Its great he will help me if I need but really? I guess there's always a price to pay for everything. I need to get back on track. Yesterday at work because I hadn't been drinking for a few days I was more my friendly relaxed self. Interesting ..
Honestly, drinking... so difficult to resist because of all the social temptation. And when you feel like you have no one in the world, it feels like a friend. But it is the pure poison for anyone with mental health problems. Literally no way is alcohol going to be your friend or help you. It will just take you lower and fuck with your brain chemistry even more. Speak from experience.

You got this. Let your ex continue to feel the need to 'prove' himself and how great he is, you move on and focus on yourself :) I wouldn't rely on him for emotional support either, sometimes it's best just to cut bonds
 
megirl

megirl

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One of the nurses in the office brings her 6 month old baby girl in. Most unusual for me but I was so interactive and having a ball with the little one. She smiles as soon as she sees me which I have no idea why but makes me feel good
 
megirl

megirl

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Actually you just hit the nail on the head. What is he doing for my mental well being,??? emotionally how's he helping???? No hes not doing me any good where it matters most. He knows I adore the dog, his dog really let me have him. Hes on double the money I am on and 10 times when I was on the benefit. Help me out with vaccinations, dog food etc no way!!
 
D

dewey

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Actually you just hit the nail on the head. What is he doing for my mental well being,??? emotionally how's he helping???? No hes not doing me any good where it matters most. He knows I adore the dog, his dog really let me have him. Hes on double the money I am on and 10 times when I was on the benefit. Help me out with vaccinations, dog food etc no way!!
Yep, just like in the other thread you were just helping me with, you gotta be careful who are your 'friends' and who are your actual friends.

It's very easy especially if you've been raised without your needs being met, to attract bad friends and believe they are good friends... when they take more than they give.

Be careful, there's some great souls out there, but some rotten ones too :).

I'm glad you're feeling better, and hope you can stay clear of the devil drink. I mean it when I say it's posion, I've seen what it does to people. All the best to you my dear x
 
megirl

megirl

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You too. True friends are there no matter what.
As I often say we are better with one or two close or true friends than many so called associates I've seen a few of them come and go.
As I've got older I've realised true friends are forever no matter whether its one or two or more.
 
D

dewey

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You too. True friends are there no matter what.
As I often say we are better with one or two close or true friends than many so called associates I've seen a few of them come and go.
As I've got older I've realised true friends are forever no matter whether its one or two or more.
I agree... I hope some of my friendships pan out long term. I have had too many people drift in and out of my life. It's exhausting.
 
megirl

megirl

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Yes I could count at least 8 at the time who I believed were going to be there no matter what and especially 4 of those would never turn there back on me..sad but the last 2 ...I absolutely gave them my heart and soul put a life's worth of energy into actually they left me exhausted many times. Here I was pretty much hanging on a ledge and they both pretty much told me to fuck off!!
 
megirl

megirl

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I feel as if I could be angry about it full of hatred. But I rang a friend of mine he has done a lot for one of these ex friends as well. And he explained everything we him, my ex and myself have done for her and her son who loved us to the earth and back.
To turn nasty like that for me with even all the money buying her groceries, paying for doctors etc meals trips away then I wonder if she was using me all along
 
D

dewey

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I feel as if I could be angry about it full of hatred. But I rang a friend of mine he has done a lot for one of these ex friends as well. And he explained everything we him, my ex and myself have done for her and her son who loved us to the earth and back.
To turn nasty like that for me with even all the money buying her groceries, paying for doctors etc meals trips away then I wonder if she was using me all along
Don't get why some people are users.
I guess some people are more selfish than others, others are just more generous.
 
I

indigo6

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Just cut im out. What A *** seriously.
He shouldnt have the right to control ur emotions like this...should he?
Hes sitting working out how to wreck your head.
You dont need him to be able to carry out his wacky plan.
U dont need it. U dont want it.
Ghost him, its the only way.
 
megirl

megirl

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Well he text me earlier...'how are things, hope you and the puppy (my dog) are keeping warm..' Innocent enough I guesz
 
daffy

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Just ignore it Megirl . He’s just trying to keep you dangling. Or even better block his number
 
megirl

megirl

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Guess blocking his number is best. That's one reason they agreed to my discharge was I dont have anything to do with him as he ....anyway I know what I need to do. Thanks daffy xx
 
megirl

megirl

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Yeh the thing is he texts me..I think ..'nice he still cares and thinks of me..' Then texting me about his new fucking girlfriend..he even text me they had a great night together etc..
 
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