Who else feels like they're pointless?

AprilSummer

AprilSummer

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Joined
Nov 30, 2017
Messages
52
Location
UK.
#1
I woke up this morning and I feel really sad. Ever since I was a little girl I've always felt different, pointless, like I don't really belong. My anxiety is pretty bad at the moment, I feel tired all the time and I keep getting anxiety pains.

I also feel unattractive a lot of the time, does anyone else get this? When I'm out and about men look at me. I guess this is normal. But when I look in the mirror I just see the 20yr old with brown long hair and a pale face. I feel so unattractive and of late have started to wonder why I even exist. I have a job, but I haven't been to work for about six weeks, I'm lucky to still have my job. I help to read water meters at people's homes, it's quite good for my anxiety as I only have to present myself and then people let me get on with it by myself. But recently I've felt so low that I haven't left the house for weeks.

I'm so confused and anxious at the moment :panic:
Is anyone else feeling this way? :confused:

Hugs, April.
 
Fairy Lucretia

Fairy Lucretia

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Apr 9, 2011
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29,448
Location
Magical fairy wonderland xxxx
#2
hi
i feel exactly like you do ,you aren't alone
i hate the way i look and feel so pointless

does it give you a bit of self esteem knowing you work?
i think if i were able to work i would feel a little better

sorry i can't be more help but please know i care
love Fairy Lu xx
 
AprilSummer

AprilSummer

Well-known member
Joined
Nov 30, 2017
Messages
52
Location
UK.
#3
hi
i feel exactly like you do ,you aren't alone
i hate the way i look and feel so pointless

does it give you a bit of self esteem knowing you work?
i think if i were able to work i would feel a little better

sorry i can't be more help but please know i care
love Fairy Lu xx
Hello Fairy Lu.

I'm sorry you feel this way as well :( Sending you strength and warm hugs :hug1:
Working makes me feel really stressed, especially as I haven't been to work for six weeks. I'm fortunate to have an understanding boss who says that I can go back when I feel ready. It's just that when I'm outside I feel like everyone is watching me and my anxiety goes into overdrive. I'm hoping to get back to work maybe in a few weeks if I'm feeling happier then.

Hugs, April.
 
Tweed

Tweed

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Joined
Dec 1, 2017
Messages
59
#4
I am lots older than you and have always been nice looking but now I am getting older and don't have that youthful look, I actually don't care anyway. I don't bother looking at my face and just put cream on because I like how it feels. I make sure my hair is clean but I don't care anymore. It is funny how I got to a point of not bothering, because so much else is happening that I don't find it important now. It really isn't in my mind and I rarely look in a mirror. It must be a young person thing to think about how they look I wonder.

I think about clean and fresh, smart, ironed clothes and warm but smart clothes, looking tidy and clean teeth flossed and mouth wash. Feet scrubbed. How we look is so pointless worrying about so try not to think about it. There is so much more to worry about that we don't have time for that too because there isn't much we can do about it. I don't think much about anything I cannot control now and have really got to a point where I think
oh well
whatever
never mind
i'm not that bothered

I don't know if it is age, depressed, or having been through so much hardship, but I like that I feel this way now as life is calmer.

:hug:
 
D

DyingUpInHere

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Joined
Jan 31, 2019
Messages
213
Location
White Plains, NY
#5
I know that I have a purpose. I just don't know what it is. It's certainly not to be bullied around by everyone - but that's what's happening to me now. Everyone takes shots at me. Everyone. I am a tragic and pathetic figure. And frankly, I wish I had expired years ago. Before I had to endure and witness everyday the death of my cat. I'm a shell of my former self. I've been praying everyday for the past few days for the first time in my adult life. I'm so frightened that I'm going to die of some drug related illness. From the benzodiazepines. And the Neurontin. I'm afraid that I'm going to flip out when I feel I've been bullied and throw the bully a vicious beating. And wind up in handcuffs. I'm afraid of heart failure. From the nonstop fear of everything. Or a stroke.
 
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DyingUpInHere

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Jan 31, 2019
Messages
213
Location
White Plains, NY
#6

Martin Brody and me. We couldn't be more different. But we're both on a sinking ship. With monsters trying to eat us alive.


Me and the Chief. I'm not sure how alike we are. Or aren't. But I admire his drive and his success - to be free. I want out. And I want to live in the woods in Tennessee.
 
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EstherRose94

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Joined
Mar 2, 2019
Messages
405
Location
USA
#8
Idk ultra violence but your name and your picture both made me smile and I needed that so there is one good point: your sense of humor!
 
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DyingUpInHere

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Jan 31, 2019
Messages
213
Location
White Plains, NY
#14
It's funny; Richard Dreyfuss looked repulsive to me as a younger man in Jaws. In this film, I find his appearance irresponsibly attractive. And also, I'd forgotten about the cardiac arrest in this scene. I swear. I was just thinking about the scene illustrating how silly my phobias are and how I must appear to the outside world. I swear 1:25 -》1:35 alone is the funniest in world.
 
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DyingUpInHere

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Joined
Jan 31, 2019
Messages
213
Location
White Plains, NY
#19
That clip is so funny. I think laughing at our fears is a good coping mechanism
Not just laughing. I have to live in the world's of films. I can't deal with reality. In reality, I'm not able to relate to or form lasting relationships with anyone at all. I live in a sensory deprivation tank without the films.