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Who am i?

L

lucid

New member
Joined
Oct 13, 2013
Messages
4
Hey, does anyone else ever feel like they just don't know who they are anymore? That's how i feel recently. I've been feeling shit for so long i just don't know anymore. I use to have such a lust for life but that seems to be gone. I'm 21 and just over a year ago my mum passed away and ever since the year mark i have just felt nothing for anything other than anxiety and exhaustion. She was ill for a long time due to depression and i regret so many things i said. I wish i could cry just to feel something.

It just seems like i've died but my body just walks through the motions and i'm sick of it. I feel like i'm stuck in a job that i don't like because i'm too afraid to pursue anything else, i cannot have a relationship because i don't know how to express myself anymore and i'm just living day to day with no real sense of purpose. My confidence is just non-existent at times and i feel like depression has made me into a robot. I just want to feel like me again :(

Not sure what i'm looking to get out of this but it's helpful to just write down how you feel i guess and someone read it so thanks :)
 
C

cherbear

Guest
I'm so sorry for your loss big hug . Grief effects us all differently and i'm sorry that you are feeling so low . Your Mum will know you loved her . Allow yourself to grieve if it helps visit her grave and talk to her or write it all down in a letter pop it in a bottle and leave it on her grave . Talk to your GP and see if you can get a therapy appointment . Don't hold in what you are feeling . Take care of yourself love and hugs xxxx
 
mark payne

mark payne

Active member
Joined
Dec 22, 2014
Messages
36
i'm the same like you from a year now! i always look at the mirror for too long ans ask the same question who i'm?! but racently i ask who we are in general i mean as humans and what the purpose of life it self?!! nothing!! we just eat sleep and make relation pretending our life have a meaning but it's a lie! life is a big long lie sorry i'm not trying to make you down but i'm sharing my feelings with you...nothing have a meaning we give things meanings , like for example take something and think it's beautiful , you will not believe it till someone tell you it's beautiful too we give meanings and we make things look great and mean something so we feel ok like relations!! i never felt or think this way before i was a normal teenager that only thing about the next girl he will date or the next club he will go to till my grandmother passed away i started to see life diferentely and everything i think its beautiful when i look close i see it is not and we live a big lie!! again im not trying to make you sad but i'm telling u the truth , all you can do is chose something you love and live for it it's not always about relations ( i chose to draw) i have 2k follower in my art page in insta and it's the only thing im living for and i open my eyes for everyday...do the same and i wish you the best!
 
SomersetScorpio

SomersetScorpio

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2012
Messages
13,531
Location
The West Country
I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your mother.
That in itself must have had a huge impact on you, and so whilst it's horrible that you're having these feelings, it's understandable really.

Are you getting any counselling or anything at the moment? It might help you if it's not something you have already.

I will say that there isn't a particular time frame for healing, everybody works things out in their own way and at their own pace.
Just be gentle with yourself and take care.
 
L

lucid

New member
Joined
Oct 13, 2013
Messages
4
Yeah i totally get what you mean. I think the same thing. What's the point in it all? If we was to all become extinct tomorrow, why would it even matter? But then again i know life is beautiful and love for things and people is what makes it because i remember what i use to feel. Just when you're in this state of mind you feel as though it's forever. You're broken. That's awesome man, keep drawing! I turn to music myself, it's the one thing that really keeps me going.
 
L

lucid

New member
Joined
Oct 13, 2013
Messages
4
I'm not getting any counselling at the moment. I really think it would do me good though. I just don't have the confidence to talk to anyone though. I find it super hard opening up to people and when i do i feel as though im letting out a darkness that i shouldn't reveal to anyone? It's weird. but maybe i will try to look into it, thanks
 
D

Dk720

New member
Joined
Jan 6, 2015
Messages
3
I totally understand what you mean, I feel myself trying to be normal so that I fit in with 'normal' people. I look in the mirror, half the time I don't even recognise myself anymore. I did make one change and went for a better job, I thought it would change everything but now I just have a boring job with better wages. Nothing changes. I hope you find some hope. I hope you find change
 
U

utter madness

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 25, 2012
Messages
175
Hi after reading ur story I had to reply to encourage u to go c ur gp for some counselling because what u were saying sounded so familiar when my mum died of cancer 9 yrs now I did the same as u didn't cry I went about for a yr or so in a trance I was total numb didn't feel ne thing had no emotion accept anger I wish I'd done counselling earlier might have saved me 5 yrs of hell were I did some awful things to myself and others took me 5 yrs to recover only now I can live with it without the pain of grief I'm not saying that will happen to u but the earlier u get support the better it.ll be it's true time is a great healer as it's been for me it's hard to let ur grief go but once u do life might be a bit better I'm sorry for ur loss I.ll be around the forum if u need to talk more
 
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