• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

While it has been a long time I still think about it.

Hello513

Hello513

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 24, 2018
Messages
2,402
Location
THE DEATH STAR.
I have attempted suicide multiple times. Its been a long time since I tried, and I no longer actually want to die I still have frequent suicidal ideation.

Before my first suicide attempt I used to self harm.

I don't do this anymore, but I still struggle with suicidal Ideation, and ideas of self harm.

Its gotten better as I have become more comfortable with myself, and the psychotic episodes that triggered this behavior haven't happened in a long time.

I just wish I could get over these thoughts, but I spent so long with this mentality its a tough habit to break.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Hello513

Hello513

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 24, 2018
Messages
2,402
Location
THE DEATH STAR.
For instance I have told myself in the past that if I have another psychotic episode I will just end it. I decided that if I could not have a voice free life I would not live at all. If it came down to it I would refuse to play the cards that had been dealt to me, and just opt out of the game.

Perhaps its a form of pride that makes me think this way, but I refuse to be subject to psychosis any longer. If I can't have a psychosis free life then I don't want a life.

Now this thinking has not always prevailed. Often fearing death, and still wanting to acomplish certain things in my life I seek help before it comes to that point. Still in the past I have attempted to follow through on this pledge I made to myself.

Call it stuborness call it pride call it whatever, but its the mentality I have had for a long time. I bassically came to the conclusion I will have it my way or no way.
 
TheSadnessWillLastForever

TheSadnessWillLastForever

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 28, 2019
Messages
51
Location
Ohio
Please try and get help before deciding to go through with that plan, therapy and medication can make a huge impact on your life. Try to find little things that make your life worth living despite the problems you are having. I like to think of my favorite drink, soaking in the sunshine, making someone smile, it's the little things that can help you get through. I hope this was helpful to you❤
 
Hello513

Hello513

Well-known member
Joined
Jan 24, 2018
Messages
2,402
Location
THE DEATH STAR.
Please try and get help before deciding to go through with that plan, therapy and medication can make a huge impact on your life. Try to find little things that make your life worth living despite the problems you are having. I like to think of my favorite drink, soaking in the sunshine, making someone smile, it's the little things that can help you get through. I hope this was helpful to you❤

Thank you for your input. I truly believe I have depresion with psychotic tendencies. I have had three diagnosis depresion with psychotic tendencies my initial diagnosis, bipolar schizo affective, and schizophrenia.

I have chron's dissease and I was in nursing school, and did much scientific research into my condition. From what I found given new evidence that much of our nervous system has recently been found in our gut we have discovered that if our gut neurons which happens in chron's vastly increases the likeliehood of developing a mental illness in particular depresion.

So I recognize even when the voices are gone my perspective is tainted due to my health issues. If I am being honest I am vastly overly cynical. Given what I have had to overcome despite not being where I want to be I have had made many significant victories over my mental illness in my life, but if I am being honest my constant depresion taints my perspective.

:I am well aware even when I do not hear voices my mental condition which I contribute to my chron's disease which is scientifaclly documented to vastly increase your likeliehood of developing mental illness taints my perspective negativley it is very hard to overcome when your psyche tells you these things, but I am working on it.

In the end if I am being honest despite all my setbacks my bleak outlook is probably tainted by my mental illness. I have on frequently accomplishe things some proffesionals told me I could not, and in fact I thought I could never accomplish.

Yet despite viewing the prospect as impossible I acomplished it anyways. What I need to do is attempt to have a more realistic perspective on my life. So many times I tried to do what I thought was impossible for me only to actually acomplish it.

Due to my mental illness my perspective on my own capabilities is tainted, and I need to fix that. However that is easier said than done.
 
Thread starter Similar threads Forum Replies Date
I Self Harm Forum 10
Top