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where to start.........

S

shabbia

Member
Joined
Mar 24, 2009
Messages
13
i dont know about this but here goes.As far as i can remember ive been a sensitive soul.I used to be really affected by rejection as a kid and was "clingy" with friends, like i didnt know the rules about boundaries. Ive had some close friends over the years but all of these have fizzled out. It probably hasnt helped that ive moved and relocated more than once.
I was only thinking yesterday that i have no friends. I have aquaintances and mutual friends through my partner,she's more adept at making friends than me...........so where does that leave me?
I should by rights be heartbroken, but im almost relieved. I dont know how to do "friends". I find anxiety around the whole idea. And yet im friendly, affable, good company around work colleagues, none of whom i socialise with outside of work. Ive always put it down to age difference, lifestyle difference, not having money and i dont like pub culture. Because of previous addictive behaviour i dont like environments where people are behaving out of control so pubs, clubs are out(plus im to old)
Anyhoo, i think i have an underlying mild depression.
Ive had serious boughts of it before. Ive had some counselling both on my own and with my wife when we've had difficulties in the past.........
I have to have order in my life, not obsessive routines but if im not ordered i can easily become depressed. I basically have to keep myself on track, otherwise i'll sucumb(thats how i feel) to depression.
I took to drugs years ago beacuse i wanted to be up all the time. Now i seem to exist in a generalised neutrality or something like that............. i think it might be dysthymia, any thoughts?
Dont worry im not after a diagnosis on the cheap..............:LOL:
 
N

Nutter_09

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 11, 2009
Messages
136
Location
Middlesex
Hi there,
I wont say i understand as i dont really - but i would suggest you have a chat with your wife and also GP.
I was kinda the same when I was younger. I have also realised to get help as soon as you can as everything seems to take soo long.

I hope you feel better about it all and find some answers.

TC
 
F

Fruit Loop

Guest
Hello,

I am new on here and still finding my feet, all a bit scary.

I was reading the post by shabbia and had to comment. I can relate to so much in the post. To be honest it was like looking in the mirror. I suffer from rejection well I am getting better due to therapy/counselling. I have a few friends? but lost a whole lot over the years due to my mood swings and them not understanding depression, I used to think they did not like me but they chose to avoid me because they did not know what to say to me. I have trouble letting friends get too close to me, a trust issue I have, scared if they know too much about me they could turn it against me if we ever fell out. I then worry and try to hard to be a good friend and I guess smothered some with kindness? I also backed out of my social life, friends stopped asking and I felt rejected. I get very anxious about going out to socialise and tend to panic over simple things and quit the evening early. The people who take the time to get to know me say I am a most wonderful person they know, kind, caring, warm hearted, generous, wise, good company when up, some even tell me they think of me as their best friend! All the qualities I thought I lacked. I have a hard job accepting compliments like that, I look for the reason why? what are they up to? Since counselling/therapy and antidepressant medication I have found things a bit better and relax a little more around those I call friends and those who call me a good friend. I guess some of that may be due to low self esteem. Sorry to ramble on and jump in like this. I think the beast called depression does creep in and slowly begins to cloud your judgement of situations until you begin to doubt all around you.

I would also recommend have a chat to your Dr to help get some answers. I wish you all the best.
 
S

shabbia

Member
Joined
Mar 24, 2009
Messages
13
where to start........................

Hi and thankyou to those that viewed this and replied,
Thankyou fruitloop for sharing your experiences................ Its a tough time at the moment in my life and with my family. We have been through two cases at court for repossesion of our home in the last few months. The last hearing was yesterday morning(the morning of the day i had a job interview!!aargh) anyway thats all by the by, we've been through so much. My wife has been ill and diagnosed with asthma and depression and anxiety and ive suffered with depression myself...probably for longer than i care to think about. I work as a support worker with people with mental health issues and i love my job and the work i do. I probably am depressed (moderately) at the mo.... i will speak to my GP, i know this is sound advice.................
Thankyou all for posting..................:(
 
A

anastasia

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 26, 2009
Messages
90
shabbia, it sounds like you have a lot going on in your life at the moment so there's no wonder you're struggling to cope withe verything.

are you getting any help?
 
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