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Where can my Mam go for help?

He1ena

He1ena

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You probably all already know my issues by now from past posts. However, this query isn't about me. I'm starting to become really worried about my mam. She's in her 50's, works full time and has no partner through choice as men "get in the way". She has started comfort eating and becoming extremely withdrawn. She has never had a real problem with her weight, like any woman (i think). She puts it on, then she looses it quite happily. Only lately I've noticed her getting very depressed about it. When i mention it, she says its OK as no one's got to look at her anyway. But she's always been one to want to look good for herself.

She's always worn clothes that stand out and crazy coloured shoes etc. She used to deliberately put on stuff i hated when she went out with me to wined me up. since my Nana died three years ago she's become quiet. Then last year when i told her of my Granada abusing me she became withdrawn, which is understandable. He then died last year and even i can see the cracks now.

She's not completely oblivious to whats happening. I talked with her just last night and we both had a good cry on each others shoulders. She told me how she has several people in her life talking to her in confidence about serious problems. I like to think i can be there for her but I'm not always stable.

She's said she would like some counseling but when she's been to the doctors in the past its just waiting list after waiting list. I want her to push for it but she said she feels a fraud and that there are people who need it more. I can see that she is unbelievably unhappy and just puts on a brave face cos she's my mam. She's got no one to talk to (or she's to proud to). Is there any other way into the NHS mental health system?

Shes rang help lines, but like me, she thinks they're no good as she never gets the same person twice. I thought a forum like this might be good. But not this one obviously as we'd hold back on what we'd say if we could read each others. Does anyone know of any that might suit her? If you did i could maybe give her your email address so she can contact you and get the links for them????? That way we don't know each others forums?

I really hope someone can help me/my mam.

:grouphug:
 
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Dollit

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Helena, why don't you get your mam to come on a have a look around. If she sees someone she feels she could identify with and perhaps have a series of private messages with then perhaps she could ask that person. I have a series of private messages going on with about 5 people on here in addition to the public messages. Sometimes I need to talk about stuff, sometimes they do and it's a good system. I wouldn't recommend any other board I've been a member of just because they're not this one. This is my spiritual home. I'm glad your mam has you there, you obviously love each other a lot and that's a good place to start. Get her to come and have a look - show her this reply and let her decide. :hug:
 
M

mikey_d

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Counselling

Hi Helena

I note you said your mother works fulltime. Most major employers these days will have confidential counselling available to their employees as a depressed employee is less productive and it is usually part off their health and safety policy. I don't know how large an organisation your mother works for but if she could have a confidential discussion with her personnel officer she should be able to access the counselling - her employee will normally pay for at least six sessions. It can be difficult to admit to anyone that you are feeling down but this is certainly one way of accessing treatment.
 
He1ena

He1ena

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I have talked about coming on this site to my mam today. As i thought, she doesn't want to cos I'm getting allot of support from it and if we were both on it it would defeat the object. She wants somewhere private, as do i. We'd both hold back. does any one know of any other good forums?

As for counseling through work. It's a pretty small company and my mams at the top. Well, apart from the three big original bosses who leave all the work to her while they go on holiday etc. So there aren't any options to go through work really. And if she could she'd have to arrange them herself. Only plus would be not having to pay, but shes director so that's not really a problem.

I'm really thankful for both comments, but this is why we're a bit stuck at the min.

She actually did ring the doctors to make an appointment today, so i think she's making progress there. She keeps joking and saying she'll be waisting their time. I tell her that if she goes and doesn't need it, they'll say. Even if she doesn't like it she need not go back.

She's really worried about medication too. You don't always need it do you? I know they don't dish them out willy nilly, but they can still put her forward for counseling without them cant they? :tea:
 
Fedup

Fedup

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Hi Helena

I note you said your mother works fulltime. Most major employers these days will have confidential counselling available to their employees as a depressed employee is less productive and it is usually part off their health and safety policy. I don't know how large an organisation your mother works for but if she could have a confidential discussion with her personnel officer she should be able to access the counselling - her employee will normally pay for at least six sessions. It can be difficult to admit to anyone that you are feeling down but this is certainly one way of accessing treatment.

I was going to say the above , as many years ago i had it through work .
It's worth a try in your mam asking.
Also perhaps if you went to see her gp with her and voiced your concerns too , it might make them move quicker.

:hug: to you both
 
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Dollit

Guest
If your mum doesn't feel ready to take medication then she doesn't have to. If she chooses to go for counselling then that's her choice. Only she can make the choices and if they turn out to be not quite the right ones then she's allowed to change her mind. The thing that's really good is that you're talking together and this can only help you both. I'll have a root around for you and see if I can come up with something. :)
 
He1ena

He1ena

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I never thought about that. I'll ask her, thank you! (y)
 
Fedup

Fedup

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I have a forum .......... it's not for mental health tho , it's just a genral chit chat no subject taboo etc. We do have a depression thread .

We are a real friendly bunch and help and support each other along the way.

Also my newest forum is for hobbies if thats of any use ........ that one is quiet tho until word gets out.

Just a thought for you to ponder if you want :)
 
M

mikey_d

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Helena

Try the link below - if you join it, ask how you can obtain a list of therapist in you area CBT appears to be highly recommended.

webcommunities.hse.gov.uk/inovem/inovem.ti/group/stress_solutions/grouphome

Or try contacting the British Psychologist Society for a list Their website is
www.bps.org.uk
 
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Dollit

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MikeyD has a good point - CBT is very good. I had it quite a while back but I found it quite productive.
 
D

Dollit

Guest
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. It teaches you to change your behaviour by changing your thinking. Example - if you think that you can't go shopping because you'll spend too much (which is manic behaviour but it's just an example) then you learn to think that you'll only take the money you need and leave your cash/debit cards at home. Or if you feel slighted because Mrs X ignored you then you can learn to think that perhaps Mrs X had something on her mind and she wasn't slighting you. It's easily applied to all sorts of problems but it's quite hard work to begin with. Plus you're not being counselled as such, you're being educated in to thinking differently.
 
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mikey_d

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Helena

Cognitive behaviour therapy - not had it but I saw a consultant before xmas who revommended it and there is a lot on the web about it - costs about £100 a session if you go private but you may be able to find what is termed CCBT the first C being computerised - you may be able to find info on the web or you could ask the GP about it.
 
He1ena

He1ena

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Thank You!

Just want to say thank you for all the advice you've given on this subject. I've taken it all on bored and spoken to my mam about it. She seems really at ease with the idea now!

:clap: (y) :clap:
 
Fedup

Fedup

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Just want to say thank you for all the advice you've given on this subject. I've taken it all on bored and spoken to my mam about it. She seems really at ease with the idea now!

:clap: (y) :clap:

Pleased to hear hear it :)
 
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