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    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

When you Crash and Burn!!!!

Sash1

Sash1

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2020
Messages
254
Location
Uk
Sometimes I don't know what's worse for me, the actual hell of going through the heightened MH mania of weeks, months...or when the meds kick in, or maybe the manic episodes have just literally got that high, it burns itself out..I feel totally exhausted, drained, done in..

Strange day today, I don't know if it's the meds, or my Health Anxieties/depression are burnt out. At first I felt that calm wave, then the body relaxes, then I don't feel any pain, I can think more than 5 minutes ahead, I'm not frowning or head down.......you know the rest..

But now, I'm wondering why? Is it the calm before the storm this surreal, uncertain, scary feeling..Don't get too arrogant as it might just jump out and kick you in the backside, it's just giving me a cruel little taster of of what 'normal' feels like for a while. Then my mind thinks, have I said/ done things I shouldn't have these past months, upset someone, said things even on here, I shouldn't have..

It's the Fallout, the mess left behind, the picking up of the pieces of my manic episodes, do I apologise to anyone/everyone for being so distant and 'weird'? Making promises I couldn't keep, ignoring phone calls because I couldn't be bothered..do I say to family/friends "hey, I'm back, it's ok and safe to talk to me now"

How do you deal with the aftermath? Enjoy it while it lasts? Or, keep looking over your shoulder because it's gonna get you again..I feel guilty that I can drop people, or use them when I'm at my worst, I feel people must be so sick of not knowing were they are with me.

Just my little(confused) rant for the night..
 
2

2Much2Feel

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
720
Location
US
Hey, you're def in the guilt part of the cycle. I don't get manic, so I can't be of help there. But I do act impulsively on anger and lash out, I do feel at times like I can't trust how I'm feeling or to act on what I'm feeling b/c I don't know if 5 minutes later I'll feel completely differently. It sucks. Never trusting yourself, feeling guilt about lashing out or for isolation and not taking calls. We can only hope the people who love us and know us well enough will stand by us despite these faults. I've only got like 1 person who continues to do so, and I hurt him (ex husband) more than I've ever hurt anyone, so I certainly don't deserve it.

I say this as advice I give yet hardly take myself. Guilt is self defeating, it doesn't help at all, serves no purpose. I feel it all the time. But it only brings us further down, and those people want you to feel better, not worse. We here want you to feel better, so it's hard to hear you kicking yourself. You help here a lot, you likely help there a lot, when you can. We can't all the time, sometimes we crash. But try to give yourself a break and know that you do a lot of good when you can. We can only apologise and hope that, again, those who love us will have some understanding and still stand by us. Hugs.
 
Sash1

Sash1

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 17, 2020
Messages
254
Location
Uk
Thanks for that Seattle..your a true 🌟............I'm re-reading your comment and taking it in, it clarifys exactly how I'm feeling ❤
 
2

2Much2Feel

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 24, 2021
Messages
720
Location
US
Thanks for that Seattle..your a true 🌟............I'm re-reading your comment and taking it in, it clarifys exactly how I'm feeling ❤
God, is it more the not trusting yourself to make and stick w something or the guilt that is getting to you right now? I'm just glad I didn't sign up for the volunteering I so pictured in my lovely little head this sunny morning, as I did crash, and here I am, knowing I would have ended up not following through. Then the self hatred, the guilt, the feeling that it's happening all over again and always will. How are you doing now?
 
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