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When will this stop? Pure O

T

temily01

Member
Joined
May 11, 2020
Messages
5
Location
USA
Hello everyone!
First, let me introduce myself. You can call me Em, I am 19 and from the USA. I enjoy hanging out with my animals, boyfriend and I love playing animal crossing. I am an honors student, working towards my bachelors degree, and I am 2 years ahead on my degree. People describe me as empathetic, caring, and my mom has always told me I have the biggest heart of anyone she has met.

I am struggling greatly. I am mentally exhausted. I have the worst intrusive thoughts, thoughts that I could be a pedophile. I have always loved kids, and want to have a big family of my own one day. I am even getting my degree in education to teach kids.

my mind asks me the most disgusting questions. Questions that send me into an anxiety attack. I know I am not a pedophile, I could never ever ever hurt anyone, let alone a child. So why do I second guess myself? I am just miserable.

This all started in March, when I read an article about a pedophile. Somehow, that’s when my brain started worrying that I am just like that person. I am current seeing a therapist and a doctor every week, but I’m still miserable. I feel so alone, and my mind is being so mean.

It’s terrible. I panic at everything. I hate this. I hate it so much. When will this pain end? Am I alone? I would never hurt a child or have the desire to do so. I’m not a bad person.
 
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M

Mama88

Active member
Joined
Apr 15, 2020
Messages
28
Location
Us
My intrusive thoughts always seem to ruin things that make me happy. If I’m excited about getting something new it gets contaminated in my mind right away. It also revolves around hurting someone else which is my worst fear. Perhaps it’s a bit the same since you love children and are working so hard in your studies to work with them. You aren’t alone 💕 It seems like ocd attacks anything that makes people happy and uses their worst fears to do so.
 
Drawings_T

Drawings_T

Active member
Joined
Feb 21, 2020
Messages
41
Location
SW London
I think it's a very common form of OCD. I feel like all mental health is a journey, keep trying, see what works, gradually you should be able to accept it and realise it's not really who you are. Just don't give up, keep exploring till you find the right treatment. OCD seems to attack people who are the least likely to do harm. I think I'm exceptionally sensitive, I love children too, but I've never had that form of OCD. I totally understand the concern of not wanting to harm others though. I've had many other kinds of guilt and harm OCD.
 
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