When to return to work (Me again!!)

[Nutter_09]

I feel addicted to this site now i have found it. It's like you can ask any quesion without being judged.

I have been signed off for the last 2 weeks. My doc said to take it week by week and today is my last day. I am feeling slightly better in myself but i believe this is due to the fact that i didn't have to get up and face work. I have just made an app to re-asses things and am not sure if i am ready to return yet. Last night I made the decision to get up this morning and go in, get it over with - but was up and down all night, night sweats the lot worrying.


I feel so guilty because of being off but am terrified of going back incase i stuff up, do something wrong, snap at people etc. I only work as a receptionist in a large school but do have a lot of people in and out demanding things and I have already stuffed things up so much. I am very sensitive to these things and know if i do, i will be a total mess.
Should i put myself through this yet??

My family think i am totally stupid and can't even try to understand. They get frustrated if i just stay in bed all day, but then if i do feel like going for a walk or a quiet meal with some close friends, i am judged as being "fine" and should be at work. I can't seem to win.

I really need some advice before i see my doc again.

Thanks

 

[KP1]

Hi Nutter. You need to put your health first. Hope the docs appointment goes ok.
KP

 

[nickh]

Yes its a difficult situation Nutter. A few points...

1) You really need to try not to feel guilty. I know this is a lot easier said than done but the guilt will make you worse (which will make you more guilty and so on....). You wouldn't feel guilty if you had broken your leg and there is no more reason to feel guilty about your MH problem. You're ill and there millions of people who have similar illnesses. As I say I know its much easier said than done but fight the guilt! .

2) As far as coping is concerned you need to work out what feels and works best for you and go with it. Sometimes this will mean an under the duvet day, at other times going for a walk. Anyone who scans the contributions here will know that we all have our own, very different, coping mechanisms. Sometimes these involve activities which you might do when you are 'well'. Just because you can do them doesn't therefore mean that you are recovered.

3) I am afraid that the not seeming to win situation you describe is built into the system. It is exactly the same with the Government's tests - it pays people to be iller because if they appear better they will be penalised and harassed. Its a vicious Catch-22. But what you have to do is to put your own health first whatever this may involve.

4) If you don't feel you are ready to go back to work then you need to tell your GP this and take the time to get properly better. Going back to work too early could be disastrous.

5) Your employer ought to be able to offer support when you do return. Is there anyone there you could talk to? If not getting in touch with an advocacy service might be a good idea.

6) I am afraid I don't know what to advise about your family. This is outside my experience and I am afraid what you describe just makes me so I won't say any more.

I hope some of the above may be helpful. Much depends on your relationship with your GP - do you trust them? have they been understanding? If yes on both counts it would probably be best to just describe how you are feeling and leave the decision to them. If not it sounds to me (and obviously this is very uninformed !!) as though you need some more time off and should ask for this.

Let us know how it goes anyway.

Nick.

 

[honeyquince]

I'm glad to hear that you are finding the site so helpfull. With regard to going back to work I would just confirm what Nick has said. The biggest thing is how you feel - not easy as it's easy to loose a sense of what normal is! I've been off work now for two and a half years. Sometimes I feel as though I'm okay but this has always been because I have lowered my sense of what normal is and I've always come crashing down. Take your time and try to be honest about how you feel rather than how the people around you feel about it.

 

[Nutter_09]

Thanks all - that was great advice. Been back to the doc and signed off for another week - they dont seem keen to do it for longer.
I do trust my doctors but as he said today - they can only do so much, its the counsellors/psycologists etc that i really need and it just takes soo long.
He mentioned about bipolar today which I have been dreading. I have had certain symptoms but now he has said it, i feel horrible, but also determind to sort it out.

I called my supervisor today and she was great - this is unusual and probably only due to the fact I now have proof that i have a problem. She is being very supportive so thats good.

All I have to now it tell my family!! Wish me luck!!

 

[nickh]

Really pleased that the appointment went well ; it sounds as though you have a reasonable doctor Nutter - which is a big thing (and somewhat lucky going from many experiences here ). I am afraid that waiting for counsellor/psychologist appointment is the common experience - but that shouldn't deter you.

And it is really good that you have received a positive response at work too.

And I certainly do wish you luck with your family. Would it be any use trying to get them to take a look at something like the Comic Relief segment on MH from last week (Dollit posted it in her blog)? Or maybe this is a stupid suggestion. Truth is, as I said before, this particular problem is something I have no experience of.

Nick.

 

[Nutter_09]

Thanks!
I am due back to wonr on Monday, said I would pop in this week just to make myself feel better and see if they are all really okay with me just to re-assure myself! I am getting slightly anxiouse about returning now thou. I have been better in myself - going out a bit more and not as down. The doc mentioned about Bipolar which really scared me. I have tried it all with my Mum, given her my diary and all letters from the GP and councellors assesment. She herself said she worked in a mental ward and knows I am perfectly "normal". I figured out the other night that i think the reason she wont really discuss it is because if she draws atention, I may get worse. If No- one makes a fuss, I will just be "normal"
It's soo frustrating. I showed her a good piece on "NetDoctor" about caring with people with depression - the main one is never to say things like "Just get over it" and"Everyone has problems, but we all cope" all these kind of things are constantly said to me.

Just so frustrated and feel like I have harldy any support. I am so scared of becoming "Mad" like my friend and locked away wher she was.

 

[nickh]

I think some anxiety is quite natural Nutter - I emphasise 'some' !; it might be worth trying some relaxation techniques (whatever works to relax you ) just to attempt to control this.

I'm sorry to say that your mum is just wrong (I hope you don't mind my saying this but I can't find any other way to put it); no-one can ever define what is 'normal', nor can a person's mental health be assessed without expert professional guidance. If she worked in a Mental Hospital it may be that she saw a lot of people with more overt and obvious forms of disturbance and judges from that. You really shouldn't worry about being 'locked away'; MH resources are incredibly stretched especially as far as in-patient facilities are concerned, every effort is made to treat people 'in the community' and sectioning is an absolutely last resort nowadays. You would have to be a real imminent danger either to yourself or others to be sectioned (indeed the problem is that the lack of decent in-patient facilities and beds but that's another story).

Anyway I hope that the visit goes well - it is a good idea to see how much you can cope with before you return 'properly'.

Best,

Nick.

 

[Nutter_09]

Sunday -

Still feeling nervouse about tomorrow. The chat at work went badly. It was okay to start with, then turned into a formal meeting with my boss. She went on about pay bla bla and made me feel like she was blackmailing me. I have never been so worried about anything like that before. I didn;t sleep all night, had horrid panic and anxiety attacks in the morning and I dont know if a am truly ready to go back.
My boss also sent me a letter saying see you monday?? I never actually said I would be back.
I have had an okay weekend. Took my BF away for the weekend and did have a nice time, but work was always in my mind.
I am aiming to just see how I feel tomorrow....

 

[quality factor]

Sunday -

Still feeling nervouse about tomorrow. The chat at work went badly. It was okay to start with, then turned into a formal meeting with my boss. She went on about pay bla bla and made me feel like she was blackmailing me. I have never been so worried about anything like that before. I didn;t sleep all night, had horrid panic and anxiety attacks in the morning and I dont know if a am truly ready to go back.
My boss also sent me a letter saying see you monday?? I never actually said I would be back.
I have had an okay weekend. Took my BF away for the weekend and did have a nice time, but work was always in my mind.
I am aiming to just see how I feel tomorrow....

Having lost my job through ill-health some years ago, my advice to you is take your time. Don't be pushed in to going back to work unless you feel absolutely ready. You can only find out if you are ready to return by trying it out to see what effect it has on you. Some employers will allow a staggered return to work doing a few days at a time and building your return up gently.
There is no use at all in my saying to you, don't worry, it is only natural.
You should also understand that you are not indispensable...life at work will go on as normal without you there. This is not meant to sound callous but as I found out , it is true. Life will go on.
Your health and well-being must come first. Good luck!
QF.

 

[imdoingthebestthatican]

Hello,
If you are so unsure about your ability to go back to work it sounds like you are not ready. If work are putting pressure on you already then this will not help you to get better.
You are much more important.......
Take care of you