When things are tough-describe how you feel with a sentence...

Topcat

Topcat

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I feel a bit shite. Tramadol use (abuse) has given me constipation, so I've been taking son's movicol which has kind of worked, but I'm feeling wiped out. Decided not to have tramadol today because I shouldn't really, and I've felt really knackered and a bit down, to the point i took half to wean off a bit. But I haven't felt anything much. Was nearly falling asleep standing up earlier which is unusual, napped on the sofa.
I like the feeling on tramadol, shame it's not good for you!
 
blacksmoke

blacksmoke

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earlier there was what i call a cloud burst the roads were filling up with rain water. and the on coming traffic water was going over the car. so i had to turn back as it was crazy
 
Topcat

Topcat

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I wish I wasn't so afraid, I think my whole life I've been scared, everything comes from this place of fear in the pit of my stomach and it's so hard to move forwards and live.
 
Topcat

Topcat

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Feel a little bit worried, that I've lost something of myself. My brain is quite empty and doesn't work properly like it used to. I spend too much time on the internet, so when I've finished reading my book (as it's on my tablet) I will go cold turkey, except for internet essentials like job hunting. I don't know how long it will take to get my brain back, if it's even possible?
 
BleachedViolet

BleachedViolet

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I feel a bit shite. Tramadol use (abuse) has given me constipation, so I've been taking son's movicol which has kind of worked, but I'm feeling wiped out. Decided not to have tramadol today because I shouldn't really, and I've felt really knackered and a bit down, to the point i took half to wean off a bit. But I haven't felt anything much. Was nearly falling asleep standing up earlier which is unusual, napped on the sofa.
I like the feeling on tramadol, shame it's not good for you!
I've been through various opiate and opioid struggles for decades... You can always PM me if you need help or wanna talk about it w/ someone who's been there and back and there again. It's not something I generally discuss publicly, but I'm here if you need a chat... no hard feelings or pressure if you don't - but I know where you're coming from... :hug:
 
BleachedViolet

BleachedViolet

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I'm stuck on an overcrowded ferry in the sun (which I hate - direct, harsh sunlight, at least...) with half of my ass fighting to prop my body up on onto a bench bc 3 extra people just forced themselves onto what is essentially a 2 seater. I'm 5'9/5'10, and have a massive suitcase I'm also wedging against the rim of the deck with my leg. The woman next to me just shot me a glare, even though I've been here for 5 minutes prior to their arrival/hijack... like, lady, I cant shrink myself any smaller. I'm already struggling to inhabit the least amount of physical space possible...

On top of that, I have a splitting headache and greasy hair bc I wasted too much time playing on my phone and listening to music to bother to wash/blowdry my hair and my husband lost our can of "Pssssst!" Dry Shampoo lol... I cant even smoke bc there's a no smoking sign, but am tempted to light up to piss everyone off or just (hopefully) make them all go away.

I sound like a total bitch lol don't I...but I don't care, it's already gonna be "one of those days..." ***sigh***

***sorry, that well exceeded a sentence... gotta work on that lol***
 
BleachedViolet

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Hey Lunar! Cheers for the hug! One your way back atcha...:hug:

Hope you're well and had a lovely bike ride yesterday after ths yucky weather passed xx

Promise to write soon! We're docking atm (thank God!) :BLAH:
 
L

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Hey Lunar! Cheers for the hug! One your way back atcha...:hug:

Hope you're well and had a lovely bike ride yesterday after ths yucky weather passed xx

Promise to write soon! We're docking atm (thank God!) :BLAH:
The boy loves his new bike so much, he'd sleep with it if he could :D

Enjoying my peaceful coffee after the pandemonium of the school run. The birds are singing....all's well in the World of Lunar. :hug: xx
 
Not_here

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Tired. Only slept for 4 hours. Even though i smoked copius amount of drugs, downed some liquor and smashed a load of tramadols! 😡

F**k you sleep.. nightmares piss me off anyways..
 
BleachedViolet

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Tired. Only slept for 4 hours. Even though i smoked copius amount of drugs, downed some liquor and smashed a load of tramadols! 😡

F**k you sleep.. nightmares piss me off anyways..
Sleep has become a stranger to me and when I do sleep, it's a dead, dreamless sleep that I awaken from with cotton head...

My eyes are open but no one is behind the wheels, so to speak... So I feel ya...
 
Not_here

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Sleep has become a stranger to me and when I do sleep, it's a dead, dreamless sleep that I awaken from with cotton head...

My eyes are open but no one is behind the wheels, so to speak... So I feel ya...
I just wanna sleep.. just a lil bit... 10 minutes is all i ask 😪

How do you cope?
 
BleachedViolet

BleachedViolet

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I feel you. My problem is I got accustomed to sleeping with the TV on bc I thought it would distract me from overthinking, which I do nonstop. But I'm trying to make a concerted effort to cut that out. I read TV stimulates you before bed and makes your mind *more* active...and besides that, my dumbass will get sucked into whatever it is I'm watching and - BOOM - it's already 5 or 6am!

Sedatives & sleeping pills no longer have any effect on my body at all after years of tolerance buildup. So I totally relate to your frustration there...

I know it might sound corny, but I've been, on my better days, trying meditation and other such techniques at night. I have a really good guided meditation app I DLed off of GooglePlay and a friend sent me a guided prayer to focus and center myself.

Problem is, my husband isn't into that stuff at all and is needy emotionally, so I dont get to focus on building up those disciplines as much as I should...

I know this will sound like me "preaching" but it isn't at all...it's from personal experience/opinion. TRY as best you can to avoid alcohol if nothing else before bed.

I fell into a period where I'd drink to pass out bc I thought that would help me sleep...

10 out of 10x, I'd be out by 9-10, but awake by 12, and my mood would be in the gutter. It plays on your chemical balance and the allure is never worth the aftermath, imo...

I'm having a hard time coping too atm. I'm on autopilot most of the time. I used to get days where I'd be "awake" for 2-3 days in a row... now I'm just exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically so I've been sleeping but not feeling rested.

I know I have to set up structure. That's supposed to help. Like wake up same time everyday, avoid naps...read instead of TV.

But life gets in the way a lot, you know?

How long have you been this way? And, not to pry, so tell me to shove it if I am, lol, but are nightmares an issue for you? That could be part of it...
 
R

Ramson mash

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Asmr rain does the trick for me. Anyone tried it for sleep problems. If i cant sleep then i get more frustrated which makes it worse helps to have background noise but no distractions like violet says.
 
Not_here

Not_here

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I feel you. My problem is I got accustomed to sleeping with the TV on bc I thought it would distract me from overthinking, which I do nonstop. But I'm trying to make a concerted effort to cut that out. I read TV stimulates you before bed and makes your mind *more* active...and besides that, my dumbass will get sucked into whatever it is I'm watching and - BOOM - it's already 5 or 6am!

Sedatives & sleeping pills no longer have any effect on my body at all after years of tolerance buildup. So I totally relate to your frustration there...

I know it might sound corny, but I've been, on my better days, trying meditation and other such techniques at night. I have a really good guided meditation app I DLed off of GooglePlay and a friend sent me a guided prayer to focus and center myself.

Problem is, my husband isn't into that stuff at all and is needy emotionally, so I dont get to focus on building up those disciplines as much as I should...

I know this will sound like me "preaching" but it isn't at all...it's from personal experience/opinion. TRY as best you can to avoid alcohol if nothing else before bed.

I fell into a period where I'd drink to pass out bc I thought that would help me sleep...

10 out of 10x, I'd be out by 9-10, but awake by 12, and my mood would be in the gutter. It plays on your chemical balance and the allure is never worth the aftermath, imo...

I'm having a hard time coping too atm. I'm on autopilot most of the time. I used to get days where I'd be "awake" for 2-3 days in a row... now I'm just exhausted mentally, emotionally and physically so I've been sleeping but not feeling rested.

I know I have to set up structure. That's supposed to help. Like wake up same time everyday, avoid naps...read instead of TV.

But life gets in the way a lot, you know?

How long have you been this way? And, not to pry, so tell me to shove it if I am, lol, but are nightmares an issue for you? That could be part of it...
Had nightmares since i was a child 5/6 yrs old. Ptsd probably. But im undiagnosed. Although i was diagnosed as BPD & psychotic.....

Any way, EVERYONE tella me i should meditate but they won't let me.. I'd love to be true essence of tai chi one finger punch enlightened.. but im just thier vessel...

I had that app, headspace.. completely ignored it 🤣.... 😑 not allowed to look at it....

Im not even the one overthinking! Im stupid. Its that idiot who won't shut up.. He's a child and i hate him..


What 🤨
 
BleachedViolet

BleachedViolet

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Had nightmares since i was a child 5/6 yrs old. Ptsd probably. But im undiagnosed. Although i was diagnosed as BPD & psychotic.....

Any way, EVERYONE tella me i should meditate but they won't let me.. I'd love to be true essence of tai chi one finger punch enlightened.. but im just thier vessel...

I had that app, headspace.. completely ignored it 🤣.... 😑 not allowed to look at it....

Im not even the one overthinking! Im stupid. Its that idiot who won't shut up.. He's a child and i hate him..



What 🤨
Please stop me if I'm prying or overstepping, but are you referring to voices or some force inside you that is controlling you?

I just am trying to understand better to see how I can relate/help, if at all.

And lol I'm faaaar from "zen". Like all the stuff I mentioned is what i *should* be doing but currently lack the discipline, focus, quiet, or energy to actually follow through with. My life's a bit of a mess in progress atm lol so I'm building up to all of these things..

I hope I didn't come off like I "had it all figured out" bc i so don't...

And I asked about the voices thing too bc my husband hears them sometimes and drinks etc... to block them out sometimes, but that only worked for a very short time... and when I'd drink, it would throw my emotions into a major depressive dip afterwards...

Are you on meds, if that's cool for me to ask?
 
Not_here

Not_here

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Please stop me if I'm prying or overstepping, but are you referring to voices or some force inside you that is controlling you?

I just am trying to understand better to see how I can relate/help, if at all.

And lol I'm faaaar from "zen". Like all the stuff I mentioned is what i *should* be doing but currently lack the discipline, focus, quiet, or energy to actually follow through with. My life's a bit of a mess in progress atm lol so I'm building up to all of these things..

I hope I didn't come off like I "had it all figured out" bc i so don't...

And I asked about the voices thing too bc my husband hears them sometimes and drinks etc... to block them out sometimes, but that only worked for a very short time... and when I'd drink, it would throw my emotions into a major depressive dip afterwards...

Are you on meds, if that's cool for me to ask?
No meds. Offered anti psychotics.. got them from pharmacy to prove id brought them but couldn't take any.. they must of known it might supress them

Offered anti depressants, amil-trip-talinn? Took 3.. had a very bad reaction.

The voices are not really voices. They're personalities. Atleast 4 . One of them is always bullying me, shouting at me, teasing me. But he doesn't talk to me.. i mean we're enemies/best friends.. he looks after me.. im not dead so he must be playing a part in that. Or he keeps me alive because if i die he dies?

Hes a force, hes there. Up there. Watching me. Sometimes i wished he'd just leave me alone 😡 sometimes i want to kill him...

But he is ridiculously clever... without him I'd be an empathetical idiot. Cowering in the corner of the bathroom crying like a fucking baby 🤐
 

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