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When life feels empty...

myownveryone

myownveryone

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 20, 2011
Messages
334
Location
South West
What am I supposed to do?
Nothing interests me any more. Everything is bland. Nothing brings me joy apart from my son and as soon as he's in bed I'm just a shell vegging on the sofa searching for anything to fill the void, scrolling through the Internet for anything thst might awaken something within me. And there's nothing there. I can't find myself. There's nothing there any more. No interests, no hobbies because of such. No career. I'm a mother, that's something but it's not enough. It's my only purpose.
I used to paint and write amd now when i try and find inspiration there's only noise. I used to be so full of life amd now I feel like I'm dead. I'm but a shadow of what I was and now I can't stand who I've become.
I'm irrational, and unreasonable and snappy. I want to self harm like I've never wanted to before and i haven't self harmed for over two years now. I've had depression since i was 14 but not like this. I want nothing more than to die. I can't deal with these feelings. There's no escaping them.
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2013
Messages
34,895
Location
Mordor
I know what you mean. I don't have a child, but I used to have a career - but thats about it.
I am waiting for something but probably nothing will happen.
 
myownveryone

myownveryone

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 20, 2011
Messages
334
Location
South West
It just feels like everything I was has been sucked out of me. Where the hell am I supposed to go from here?
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2013
Messages
34,895
Location
Mordor
It just feels like everything I was has been sucked out of me. Where the hell am I supposed to go from here?
I don't know. Personally I have a distant hope that if I start working again things will be okay but I don't know.
I like to read about spirituality - about those types of things. It makes me happier if I know we are greater than we are, and this materialism is a load of bullshit.

I think the world has gone mad, and is full of inequalities. The world has become very narrow minded - with an elite personality type dominating. If you are not that type of personality - you are forced to mimic it or be left on the sidelines.
 
myownveryone

myownveryone

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 20, 2011
Messages
334
Location
South West
Pfft tell me about it.
I don't want to be part of the system. It's broken.
There probably is better things out there but that doesn't make any difference to my meanial life. It just makes me more insignificant. I don't have any spirit left to explore.
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2013
Messages
34,895
Location
Mordor
It is a broken system. The same things pop up time and time again. some people think we are still in the Kali Yuga - the age of darkness of materilism. It is the era where our conciousness is at its lowest. Some people also believe that age is ending - so there is hope.
 
myownveryone

myownveryone

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 20, 2011
Messages
334
Location
South West
I like the way you think. Sometimes I wish something fatal would happen to me because I'm too pussy to kill myself. Plus the eternal guilt I'd have to endure in the event that there is actually an afterlife.
 
LORD BURT

LORD BURT

Well-known member
Joined
Jul 8, 2013
Messages
34,895
Location
Mordor
yeah i think there is an afterlife. but it is supposed to be nice there.
 
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