When I Get Upset

H

HollyR

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#1
Like all couples, sometimes me and my partner get into arguments, they're never anything major but I get extremely upset. With Borderline Personality Disorder, when I get distressed it goes to a whole new level.

I literally feel like he's going to leave me, the world is going to end and that I should kill myself or run away. It's like I go into a full blown crisis over something really minor, it happens whenever we have an argument, I'm never satisfied with an answer he gives or I've done something wrong and want him to be fine with me straight away.

Usually he won't speak to me for a little while which has always been his way, and my therapist said that he's doing everything right in that respect, because if he plays to my meltdowns it'll only make me worse in the long run. I cannot handle being ignored so I'll follow him around and try and sort things out but it usually makes things worse. I'm slowly learning to just leave it, but it does get very hard sometimes.

I will cry and cry and cry until I can't cry anymore, and I will literally think the worst things during this time, and the best thing for me to do is to go for a walk or try to sleep if I can. Because these are the times where I'm more likely to act impulsively or do something stupid which we'd all rather avoid.

Has anyone experienced this? Either having BPD or having a loved one who has? How do you deal with this?
 
G

Girl interupted

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#2
Have you tried meditation? There’s an app you can download to your phone called Headspace that I have found helps with self soothing. Google mindfulness, employing those techniques also helps to diffuse.

Anxiety is fueled by misdirected energy. I have found even going up and down the stairs helps to lessen the impact. By doing this exercise your brain is forced to focus on not falling on the steps, it reduces that bad energy, and eventually calms.

And stop following him around. Imagine if you wanted to be alone and people around you wouldn’t let you?
 
Lunus

Lunus

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#3
Like all couples, sometimes me and my partner get into arguments, they're never anything major but I get extremely upset. With Borderline Personality Disorder, when I get distressed it goes to a whole new level.

I literally feel like he's going to leave me, the world is going to end and that I should kill myself or run away. It's like I go into a full blown crisis over something really minor, it happens whenever we have an argument, I'm never satisfied with an answer he gives or I've done something wrong and want him to be fine with me straight away.

Usually he won't speak to me for a little while which has always been his way, and my therapist said that he's doing everything right in that respect, because if he plays to my meltdowns it'll only make me worse in the long run. I cannot handle being ignored so I'll follow him around and try and sort things out but it usually makes things worse. I'm slowly learning to just leave it, but it does get very hard sometimes.

I will cry and cry and cry until I can't cry anymore, and I will literally think the worst things during this time, and the best thing for me to do is to go for a walk or try to sleep if I can. Because these are the times where I'm more likely to act impulsively or do something stupid which we'd all rather avoid.

Has anyone experienced this? Either having BPD or having a loved one who has? How do you deal with this?
I would urge you to read Mindfulness for BPD by Blaise Aguirre and Gillian Galen. It will explain why you act in the manner you do (perhaps abandonment issues), distraction techniques that will teach you to think of something else, and most importantly how to be mindful. If you learn that your suffering will ease.
Finally, your partner could read some books on how to live with someone suffering from BPD. My wife has it she no longer triggers my negative emotions. Good luck.
 
H

HollyR

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#4
I would urge you to read Mindfulness for BPD by Blaise Aguirre and Gillian Galen. It will explain why you act in the manner you do (perhaps abandonment issues), distraction techniques that will teach you to think of something else, and most importantly how to be mindful. If you learn that your suffering will ease.
Finally, your partner could read some books on how to live with someone suffering from BPD. My wife has it she no longer triggers my negative emotions. Good luck.
Thank you for the reply, I actually do have a mindfulness book and it does help, it's just learning how to control these emotions that is proving difficult but hopefully that will ease over time. I will definitely suggest this to my partner :)
 
H

HollyR

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#5
Have you tried meditation? There’s an app you can download to your phone called Headspace that I have found helps with self soothing. Google mindfulness, employing those techniques also helps to diffuse.

Anxiety is fueled by misdirected energy. I have found even going up and down the stairs helps to lessen the impact. By doing this exercise your brain is forced to focus on not falling on the steps, it reduces that bad energy, and eventually calms.

And stop following him around. Imagine if you wanted to be alone and people around you wouldn’t let you?
I am currently learning how to meditate, I just need to get into a routine of doing it daily. I could try exercising more as I have been told it uplifts you and keeps you calmer.

Yeah I know how it feels, I hate that I've done it before, I say I won't do it and then I just get so upset that I go to him. But yesterday he literally said to leave him alone and I just took the hint and went into the other room, and before long everything was fine. Again, slowly learning these things :) Many thanks
 
Lunus

Lunus

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#6
Thank you for the reply, I actually do have a mindfulness book and it does help, it's just learning how to control these emotions that is proving difficult but hopefully that will ease over time. I will definitely suggest this to my partner :)
Look into a thing called Radical Acceptance, hopefully it will help.
 
G

Girl interupted

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#7
I am currently learning how to meditate, I just need to get into a routine of doing it daily. I could try exercising more as I have been told it uplifts you and keeps you calmer.

Yeah I know how it feels, I hate that I've done it before, I say I won't do it and then I just get so upset that I go to him. But yesterday he literally said to leave him alone and I just took the hint and went into the other room, and before long everything was fine. Again, slowly learning these things :) Many thanks

It’s like building a muscle. It gets stronger the longer you do it.

I have found after a period of time even starting the breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth instantly calms me. I hope you find it helpful, too.
 
H

HollyR

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#8
Thank you everyone for your responses, I'll definitely look into these techniques!
 
E

EstherRose94

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#9
Yep I relate to all of that Still working on it too. The thing I struggle with is that my over reactions feel SO real that I think I’m being totally logical so I guess identifying that would be something I need to learn.
 
H

HollyR

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#10
Yep I relate to all of that Still working on it too. The thing I struggle with is that my over reactions feel SO real that I think I’m being totally logical so I guess identifying that would be something I need to learn.
Me too! It's so annoying because people say I'm over reacting, but to me that is genuinely how I feel and I feel it's completely justified when more often than not I'm getting to upset. With time comes progress x
 
M

mogdigs

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#11
I also have BPD but am single, I do know something of this though as when someone shows interest in me I tend to go a bit mad and want validation constantly, as you can imagine this has put many people off ha ha. We are like dogs with bones and hate rejection of any kind. I do thihnk it is about learning to live with our mad (sorry shouldn't say that word) and laugh at ourselves sometimes. Arguments are normal and learn to laugh sometimes at yourself and at him. x
 
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EstherRose94

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#12
I also have BPD but am single, I do know something of this though as when someone shows interest in me I tend to go a bit mad and want validation constantly, as you can imagine this has put many people off ha ha. We are like dogs with bones and hate rejection of any kind. I do thihnk it is about learning to live with our mad (sorry shouldn't say that word) and laugh at ourselves sometimes. Arguments are normal and learn to laugh sometimes at yourself and at him. x
Don’t apologize that’s good advice and I needed it at the moment. Thanks :)
 
H

HollyR

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#13
That is good advice don't be sorry, sometimes we do need to laugh at our madness ha ha x
 

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