When EVERY thought or memory is painful

[Cyclist]

My depression is now so bad that every thought or memory brings me pain. It doesn't matter what I think about, watch or hear, everything is painful. I wake at 1.00 and the horrible memories come crowding into my head as I remember where I am. I don't dare have a daytime nap because waking up is so horrible. Between waking and getting up I listen to podcasts on BBC Sounds but even they depress me.

How much of this can a human mind take before something drastic happens?

 

[Fairy Lucretia]

that sounds hard ,every memory being painful i wondered if you had thought about therapy to see if you could sort through some of your feelings?
lots of love x Lu x

 

[Cyclist]

Thanks, I'm having therapy but not sure where it's leading. The therapist just listens to me whining and asks if I'm planning suicide.

 

[Fairy Lucretia]

you are not whining x you are expressing your feelings and we are here to listen too x

 

[Cyclist]

I'm already suspicious and paranoid. My car has broken down after mice chewed a pipe. We are living in a filthy mouse-infested bungalow in between moves. How long before breakdown becomes a complete collapse?

 

[Fairy Lucretia]

that sounds awful ,in my area we have rats at the moment x do you know when you will be able to move into a better property? x

 

[Cyclist]

Supposed to be December but it's nowhere near ready

 

[Cyclist]

We made a catastrophic error in moving here.

 

[jajingna]

Hope you find relief soon.

 

[SirSerotonin IV]

My depression is now so bad that every thought or memory brings me pain. It doesn't matter what I think about, watch or hear, everything is painful. I wake at 1.00 and the horrible memories come crowding into my head as I remember where I am. I don't dare have a daytime nap because waking up is so horrible. Between waking and getting up I listen to podcasts on BBC Sounds but even they depress me.

How much of this can a human mind take before something drastic happens?

Can i just say how sorry i am that you are feeling so bad right now. I have those kinds of days at times aswell when nothing atall helps. Please keep strong we are with you!

 

[SirSerotonin IV]

Thanks, I'm having therapy but not sure where it's leading. The therapist just listens to me whining and asks if I'm planning suicide.

Hi. Tht is all they ever do they just look at you and ask questions. It can be frustrating in itself.

 

[Shay94]

It sounds hard having every memory being painful. I hope the therapy you're receiving atm helps you, you're also not whining here just expressing yourself which is what we're here for. It sounds very frustrating & I hope you get relief for it soon. Plz reach out here if you needa vent, we'll be here to listen

 

[Claudine]

Hello everyone. My name is Claudine and new to this site. Memories... I am on the same page as you and I understand. Every day when I wake up I can't wait for night fall. It is my time to be with my thoughts. I go over the things that my therapist has helped me with. with everything I've been through I still try to find a new meaning behind all the pain. I feel very alone in my pain and daily struggles but finding this forum makes me feel better knowing that I am not alone. I wish every one nothing but patience and healing.

 

[Cyclist]

Today has been even worse than usual, my wife is under equal pressure and is sick of my whining and negativity. At lunch time we had a row, she cracked and went to sit down on her bed. We spent the morning searching for a spare part to repair mouse damage to my car.

Someone on another forum whose opinion I respect says I'm suffering from stress. anxiety, depression, paranoia and insomnia. They have recommended that I stop the therapy and arrange to see a psychiatrist as soon as possible.

Right now to be honest I just want to be erased from life like the aliens on Men in Black. That would put an end to my misery without causing distress to my wife and son and family and friends. Alternatively a sudden brain haemorrhage or a major heart attack would be quick and less troublesome for your successors than suicide.

 

[MouthyOne]

Sorry to hear about how you are feeling. I can relate to this and it is awful.

The whining and negativity cycle is tough. The more whining the more the cycle continues. I have had a couple of moans to someone close recently in which I was repeating myself. (Their words). That didn't seem productive!

The moans are likely best kept for therapy if possible as negativity has a habit of breeding. If your wife under pressure as well it won't help her at all. Not easy if things aren't going well mentally however biting your tongue now and again while distracting yourself or helping your wife out won't go unnoticed I'm sure.