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when does opening up cross the line?

C

Candy19

Guest
I was always that person who'd shut myself out and wouldn't tell anyone anything about me, I thought my feelings didn't matter because I was always told that others had it worst and I just didn't trust people at all

Now it feels like I say too much, I've lost all my friends and can feel the rest losing interest in me because now I'm too open about my thoughts and feelings it seems and I can tell they are all fed up of it

So, I don't know what to do, where do I find balance? Or should I just go back to how I was before so I don't drain other people?

I started to think it was okay to open up, but instead it's ruined my life even more
 
T

Twokiwisandabanana

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 23, 2016
Messages
811
Hi there
thats just who you are don't change for anyone
You can meet new friends at mentL health support groups like MIND and RETHINK
People are usually more honest and open there.
You don't have to chnge for anyone that's what ive learned take me or leave me:D
 
Drooo

Drooo

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 8, 2016
Messages
876
Location
UK
That's the hypocritical nature of people for you. You they claim to want to be there for people, but the reality of that is not something that many people are actually prepared to do. They want an easy life, without issue. I'm sure you've heard people trot out lines like "Surround yourself with positive people" and others that are similar. They don't really want the burden, they don't want their happy little lives 'brought down'.

If they aren't there for you then they obviously aren't good for you.
 
mami5

mami5

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 30, 2012
Messages
11,103
Location
North West Wales
I can understand where you are coming from regarding telling everyone everything.....I find myself doing the same these days. Think maybe it could be down to having bottled it all up for so long that now it is all flooding out to anyone who'll listen, especially after starting to do it during therapy and having someone to listen and empathise there.

I really hope you don't lose your friends over this.
 
C

Candy19

Guest
I can understand where you are coming from regarding telling everyone everything.....I find myself doing the same these days. Think maybe it could be down to having bottled it all up for so long that now it is all flooding out to anyone who'll listen, especially after starting to do it during therapy and having someone to listen and empathise there.

I really hope you don't lose your friends over this.
it probably is, I didn't really have friends as a child or parents that were there.. I mean they were there but they were always busy and I never really bonded with them... so I didn't have anyone to go to if I was upset anyway

unfortunately already lost friends and starting to get called negative and toxic so I really do regret telling anyone anything now...
 
mami5

mami5

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 30, 2012
Messages
11,103
Location
North West Wales
I didn't have anyone to open up to as a child either. My parents did not do feelings or emotions in any shape or form! It has taken me until now to really open up (and I'm in my 50's), and it I just can't stop talking about everything.....to anyone who happens to be there!

I'm sorry you are being called negative and toxic.....friends should be there and willing to listen....positives and negatives....if they are true friends.

Are you receiving therapy at all.....can you open up freely there? Maybe you can mention this to your therapist if you have one?

I wish you well and hope you don't lose all your friends...or manage to make new ones.....real ones. :hug: xxx
 
C

Candy19

Guest
I didn't have anyone to open up to as a child either. My parents did not do feelings or emotions in any shape or form! It has taken me until now to really open up (and I'm in my 50's), and it I just can't stop talking about everything.....to anyone who happens to be there!

I'm sorry you are being called negative and toxic.....friends should be there and willing to listen....positives and negatives....if they are true friends.

Are you receiving therapy at all.....can you open up freely there? Maybe you can mention this to your therapist if you have one?

I wish you well and hope you don't lose all your friends...or manage to make new ones.....real ones. :hug: xxx
I've been trying to get back into therapy since february and only finally in the process of being referred to someone which could take another couple weeks

and yes, my mum is also emotionally shut off, she used to yell and hit me as a kid if i ever cried and still now acts like my problems are insignificant, even when I had a suicide attempt she'd be like "oh you're not actually suicidal"

as she's christian too she constantly threatens hell on me even though I don't have the same beliefs as her, it's pretty frustrating
 
exyz

exyz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 14, 2017
Messages
2,773
I've been trying to get back into therapy since february and only finally in the process of being referred to someone which could take another couple weeks

and yes, my mum is also emotionally shut off, she used to yell and hit me as a kid if i ever cried and still now acts like my problems are insignificant, even when I had a suicide attempt she'd be like "oh you're not actually suicidal"

as she's christian too she constantly threatens hell on me even though I don't have the same beliefs as her, it's pretty frustrating
Ah! My mother was like this. She used to make me fight other kids too. Seriously an awful woman.
I was always getting "lost" as a toddler. She was the one doing the losing. We parted company when i was an adult.

I'm so sorry, it really messes with your head. It is so difficult when you have been through an abusive childhood. I hope that the therapy comes through, and is helpful.:hug1:
 
mami5

mami5

Well-known member
Joined
Aug 30, 2012
Messages
11,103
Location
North West Wales
I've been trying to get back into therapy since february and only finally in the process of being referred to someone which could take another couple weeks

and yes, my mum is also emotionally shut off, she used to yell and hit me as a kid if i ever cried and still now acts like my problems are insignificant, even when I had a suicide attempt she'd be like "oh you're not actually suicidal"

as she's christian too she constantly threatens hell on me even though I don't have the same beliefs as her, it's pretty frustrating
I hope the therapy works out well for you and that you won't be waiting too much longer and that you get along with your therapist.

My mother just does not do mental health....at all! Don't think my diagnoses exist in her books, she'll never talk about it, nor listen. Physical problems though, she would discuss all day and empathise with! I'm not in touch with her anymore as she disowned me just before Christmas 2016....and she only lives up the road.

Really hope things work out for you :hug: xxxx
 
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