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When does it end....

T

tuttiifruttii

New member
Joined
Mar 19, 2015
Messages
2
I don't get it....ive suffered from depression for over 10 years...obviously I have been up and down but mostly down... I've been on medication twice before but never fully carried it out....i have now be on medication for a year and a half....i just come to a point where now I am scared I'll have to be on it for the rest of my life...😕
It's frustrating because I have people around me that could support me but I find it so hard repeating myself to them..... as it's on going feelings/thoughts that won't leave my head.....i'm probably a bit scared they will become bored with hearing it and not want to help any more...i seem to struggling telling anyone how I truly feel and im not very honest about my thoughts to doctors because I clam up and worry they lock me up in a padded cell!
my family don't quite understand as they have never had thoughts and feelings like I have 😕 and I'm really good at hiding my feelings from people.
I'm not sure how this will help...i'm new to this...

I dunno I'm just really fed up of feeling like this and having these thoughts.... i just want to end.
 

MarlieeB

ACCOUNT CLOSED
Joined
Jan 15, 2013
Messages
25,044
Hi and :welcome: to the forum.

It does get tiring trying to fight all of this all the time not knowing what is coming round the corner isn't it.

My family don't really understand it either. I try not to talk to them about mine but they know more than I know they know.

Sometimes you just don't want to bother people with your problems because you feel like they are going to hate you, is that how you feel.

It will take alot for them to lock you away, it's not as easy as you think.

Take care

Marliee x
 
T

tuttiifruttii

New member
Joined
Mar 19, 2015
Messages
2
Thanks Marliee.....its not that I think they will hate me...more they will not want to bother with me..I feel like a broken record...constantly going in circles....i can't remember not having these feelings and thoughts....my whole teenage/adult life has been full of torment. I know i need to recognise the good things I have done for myself and my life I have created is nothing to complain about......but I hate myself.... just everything about myself makes me feel sick looking in a mirror.

Thanks Nikita your so right they do love me but how do you tell the people you love the most....that all I wanna do is die...my family are all well established people then there's me. 😕

I've been to councillor it really helps I am suppose to contact him for more sessions....but I struggle to contact him because I'm scared...i have anxiety that he'll look at me and be disappointed that I'm back to square 1 again.....That he'll judge me even though I know deep inside he won't....In my head he will.

really appreciate you both getting back to me.

Thank you x
 
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