• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

When did your symptoms first present?

AppleJacks99

AppleJacks99

Well-known member
Joined
May 4, 2021
Messages
122
Location
Arkansas
I'm just curious. I showed various symptoms since I was around 5 or 6 years old. When I read about it, there isn't a whole lot about early onset in children, mainly just teenagers and young adults.

I also believe since my early onset, that my symptoms have gotten better a lot earlier. I'm 33 now. I still have trouble with splitting, mostly inward, but in my twenties I had difficulty hiding it in public. Now, it's mostly just when I get on social media that I notice it, because my posts are like different personalities throughout the day. I sometimes feel intense rage inside my head, but I have more self control. I do tend to be a lot more isolated, because I get embarrassed if people see me when I'm having my moments.

When I was younger I remember self harming and I had a wild imagination living inside my head, and pretending I was performing for an audience like a famous singer. I was very emotional, and attached to my mother. I was a very difficult child, but at school I was a straight A student. I was very hyper, and so I had trouble maintaining friendships. I remember having trouble with other children because they would just decide they didn't like me. I'd ask why, and the answer was "I don't know, I just don't like you". That really affected me, and even as an adult, I think of it often. I also used to star in school plays, but I couldn't even think of doing that now. At the time, I still always felt like an outsider looking in...like an alien lol. Anyways, I'm rambling...

What was your childhood like? Symptoms?
 
miss_sensitivity

miss_sensitivity

Well-known member
Joined
May 12, 2021
Messages
276
Location
New Zealand
I'm really not too sure. Everything came full force at about the age of 12-13, but even before that I had major anxiety issues and problematic relationships with friends. I was mimicking what I saw at home really, and what I saw at home brought on my anxiety issues which have been present since I can remember.

My childhood was toxic. Alcoholic father, domestic abuse, lots of fighting, screaming etc etc.. It could be a scary place. Like you, I had a very vivid imagination that saved me... it helped me to escape (and I also used to imagine myself performing for large audiences). I did well at school, was a chatterbox, always had friends but I was very push and pull with them. When I was good I was great, when I was bad I was very unpleasant. Then the rollercoaster of up and downs hit at 12 or 13.

I had no idea what was wrong for me for a long time.
 
B

Blackwolf

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 27, 2020
Messages
120
Location
Poland
I was 13. Depression, selfharming, anxiety, weed, parties, wild imagination, also living inside my head and very emotional, not knowing who I really am (I know I was a kid but I mean it in bod way and it stayed with me to this day). When I was 15-16 I started to alienate even more, I did not have any friends, I had troubles with relationships. I haven't left my house for half a year and was derealized.
20- crazy mood swings and typical bpd symptoms.
I feel like as the time flows I get more anxious.
 
Viltato

Viltato

Member
Joined
Jun 1, 2021
Messages
6
Location
London
I think i was always this way to a point. I had a vivid imagination and lived in my own lil world. My sister told me that whenever we would go somewhere i would just walk behind her and my parents and just talk and talk and talk. I was always super emotional. And manipulative to a point because of it. I think full force came in at around age 12-13. I had unstable relationships. Pulled away from people and then cry because they didnt care about me even though i pushed them away. My emotions would go from happy to angry or sad quite a lot. I struggled a lot with mood swings. Which my parents just assumed were my teen hormones. I clinged on to people only if i knew they will leave me. If i feel loyalty i dont care. Its horrible. And im finally working hard not to be this way. But at the same time i feel like im so empty inside and given up.
 
B

Blackwolf

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 27, 2020
Messages
120
Location
Poland
I think i was always this way to a point. I had a vivid imagination and lived in my own lil world. My sister told me that whenever we would go somewhere i would just walk behind her and my parents and just talk and talk and talk. I was always super emotional. And manipulative to a point because of it. I think full force came in at around age 12-13. I had unstable relationships. Pulled away from people and then cry because they didnt care about me even though i pushed them away. My emotions would go from happy to angry or sad quite a lot. I struggled a lot with mood swings. Which my parents just assumed were my teen hormones. I clinged on to people only if i knew they will leave me. If i feel loyalty i dont care. Its horrible. And im finally working hard not to be this way. But at the same time i feel like im so empty inside and given up.
I had the same
 
AppleJacks99

AppleJacks99

Well-known member
Joined
May 4, 2021
Messages
122
Location
Arkansas
I was 13. Depression, selfharming, anxiety, weed, parties, wild imagination, also living inside my head and very emotional, not knowing who I really am (I know I was a kid but I mean it in bod way and it stayed with me to this day). When I was 15-16 I started to alienate even more, I did not have any friends, I had troubles with relationships. I haven't left my house for half a year and was derealized.
20- crazy mood swings and typical bpd symptoms.
I feel like as the time flows I get more anxious.
I remember feeling that way too, like I wasn't really present in the moment, but off inside my head reliving moments and conversations. Very wild imagination, and I loved to mimick what I saw on television especially disney princess movies, or pretending I was someone else. I'd even catch myself repeating some line from a movie in real life. I have trouble leaving the house too. Same with the anxiety. How did you do in school? and college? I'm in college, but it's taking me like a whole decade, and still haven't gotten my associate's because I have to go at such a slow pace. It's not because I can't do it, but my imagination, and thoughts are so so distracting, it's hard to focus for so long.
 
AppleJacks99

AppleJacks99

Well-known member
Joined
May 4, 2021
Messages
122
Location
Arkansas
I think i was always this way to a point. I had a vivid imagination and lived in my own lil world. My sister told me that whenever we would go somewhere i would just walk behind her and my parents and just talk and talk and talk. I was always super emotional. And manipulative to a point because of it. I think full force came in at around age 12-13. I had unstable relationships. Pulled away from people and then cry because they didnt care about me even though i pushed them away. My emotions would go from happy to angry or sad quite a lot. I struggled a lot with mood swings. Which my parents just assumed were my teen hormones. I clinged on to people only if i knew they will leave me. If i feel loyalty i dont care. Its horrible. And im finally working hard not to be this way. But at the same time i feel like im so empty inside and given up.
I do the same. I was very chatty, especially with myself lol. I'm not talking to a person or anything or hearing voices, but I love to talk to myself about everything...it's ridiculous lol
 
Signofthetimes

Signofthetimes

Well-known member
Joined
Mar 1, 2021
Messages
1,106
Location
California
12 though I wrote a poem once called Tiny pins, Tiny Hands about me at 6 years old. Started feeling isolate at 6 sometimes.
 
AppleJacks99

AppleJacks99

Well-known member
Joined
May 4, 2021
Messages
122
Location
Arkansas
12 though I wrote a poem once called Tiny pins, Tiny Hands about me at 6 years old. Started feeling isolate at 6 sometimes.
I didn't really fit the diagnostic criteria for BPD before 12 or 13, but I still showed abnormal symptoms, but it was before I really discovered boys and romantic attachments. I used to write poetry too.
 
B

Blackwolf

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 27, 2020
Messages
120
Location
Poland
I remember feeling that way too, like I wasn't really present in the moment, but off inside my head reliving moments and conversations. Very wild imagination, and I loved to mimick what I saw on television especially disney princess movies, or pretending I was someone else. I'd even catch myself repeating some line from a movie in real life. I have trouble leaving the house too. Same with the anxiety. How did you do in school? and college? I'm in college, but it's taking me like a whole decade, and still haven't gotten my associate's because I have to go at such a slow pace. It's not because I can't do it, but my imagination, and thoughts are so so distracting, it's hard to focus for so long.
I had individual tuition last 2 school years. I ve dropped off college once after 3 months and once after 2 weeks xD. I really want to finish college and I know I can becouse I had good grades but it's just hard. But working is a harder experience for me. So stressful. I have to work till the end of September and I want this to end already :p. In October I'm going back to college.

I used to write poetry too
Also I have loud runny thoughts, not voices or anything but thoughts but at the same time I feel emptiness and like I'm not thinking about anything. I talk with myself in my head but in social situations I don't know what to talk about.
 
AppleJacks99

AppleJacks99

Well-known member
Joined
May 4, 2021
Messages
122
Location
Arkansas
I had individual tuition last 2 school years. I ve dropped off college once after 3 months and once after 2 weeks xD. I really want to finish college and I know I can becouse I had good grades but it's just hard. But working is a harder experience for me. So stressful. I have to work till the end of September and I want this to end already :p. In October I'm going back to college.

I used to write poetry too
Also I have loud runny thoughts, not voices or anything but thoughts but at the same time I feel emptiness and like I'm not thinking about anything. I talk with myself in my head but in social situations I don't know what to talk about.
Yeah, that's one of the things I have trouble with in college. I tend to make excellent grades, but my interests change so often. I change my major A LOT, and even when I don't, I think about it LOL. I seem to be really good at every subject, but I can't ever finish it, and my inner world gets in the way, and impulsively drop out, and re-enroll. I also have a hard time multi-tasking work with school. The social interaction is so exhausting, and it's hard to focus when I would come home. I'm re-enrolled (again) for college this fall. lol

I also talk with myself more than people. I seem to really enjoy my own company LOL
 
B

Bunny7

Well-known member
Joined
May 8, 2019
Messages
89
Location
Derby
It’s really interesting to read how many of us have really vivid imaginations even as young children - in my head I was an Olympic gymnast, in reality I can’t even cartwheel! I was always an emotional child and spent a lot of time chatting to myself in my head but I was kind of ok till around the age of 13/14. Then things seemed to take a turn for the worse, I started struggling more with friendships. By 15 things were bad to the point that people said I looked ill.
 
N

Nosense

Active member
Joined
May 16, 2021
Messages
26
Location
USA
I would say around 6-7, symptoms anger agression Trauma, SA, Bullying, Shame Fear prior to this.

Sad
 
B

Blackwolf

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 27, 2020
Messages
120
Location
Poland
It’s really interesting to read how many of us have really vivid imaginations even as young children - in my head I was an Olympic gymnast, in reality I can’t even cartwheel! I was always an emotional child and spent a lot of time chatting to myself in my head but I was kind of ok till around the age of 13/14. Then things seemed to take a turn for the worse, I started struggling more with friendships. By 15 things were bad to the point that people said I looked ill.
Even more interesting how much we share in common.
Also it's quite interesting that for many people it started either at the age of 6 or 13.
 

Similar threads

Top