• Welcome! It’s great to see you.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

    Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

When did your schizophrenia first start and was there any previous mental health issues before?

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llittlelostlady

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The problem is i believed the psychology profression, actually I used to study it as it was one of my first academic loves:

1 i wanted to figure out other humans.
2 I wanted to help them so I wanted to be either a psychologist or psychiatrist.

I got put off the subject years ago, too many bad experiences with the system....there is something wrong with it in regards to how it treats people. It's too harsh for a start off...
 
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llittlelostlady

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prior to getting sz at 26, i had major depression, ocd and some social anxiety......in truth i dropped out of college due tp social anxiety and also coupled with the fact i was being bullied.
I got bullied a lot too but then again I am autistic and not easily accepted by my peers.

I am kind of a goof ball, don't really understand their need for nastiness in many ways, was niave etc.

I don't always hate my voices though, they are bloody funny sometimes...they talk nonsense lol and they can be cute.
 
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llittlelostlady

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And they just told me to F off cause I said they can be cute...we are now having an argument and they keep calling me a 'difficult puppet'.

I respond with tough although I am concerned about my petals as they seem to want self hatred and I just can't do it.

I am too soft inside it seems.
 
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llittlelostlady

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I worry about them sometimes as they seem to need self hatred, they are stuck with me, and I just can't do it.
 
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llittlelostlady

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bless my little sweet hearts.

They think I am weird...im autistic but I have a weird personality all the same, even if i had been normal I still would have been odd.
 
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llittlelostlady

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I am ok with it, being odd that is.
 
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llittlelostlady

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I was a very outgoing and fun loving guy in late teen years. As soon as I turned 18, within months, I was experiencing very very very unusual and strange things. It was back in 2009. I suffered all these years. I never thought it could be an illness! In 2017, I decided to go to pdoc for peace of mind. I thought he will write a pill and that would do it. Instead, after some diagnostic tests and talking about what I feel, 4 doctors gave me one diagnosis - Paranoid Schizophrenia. It sucks that I suffered all these years.
I am sorry sweetheart.

I wish i could cure you of whatever you feel ales you but i cant

Dont take too much notice of the psych profession and their labels though...could do a huge rant on that but I won't.

There is a book so they say you are crazy

the authoer is paula caplan

She was involved in producing on of the DSMs

Read it.
 
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llittlelostlady

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I wasn't diagnosed schiz until late but had depression and anxiety and voices etc for years before hand. I even saw a psychologist and psychiatrist while in school.
mine is late as well but is on the back of bike accident (hit and run driver knocked me out) and substance abuse combined (alcohol).

I am 45 and only started hearing voices 45 years ago, they keep trying to feed me delusions but I won't bite.

Apparently I am a difficult puppet and they keep saying they are AI and they were programmed for a narcissist...I dont care about that bollocks life is too short.

I am autistic not narcissistic. All this ego crap does my head in. Life is short...ego is bollocks.

To cut a long story short.
 
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toto

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The problem is i believed the psychology profression, actually I used to study it as it was one of my first academic loves:

1 i wanted to figure out other humans.
2 I wanted to help them so I wanted to be either a psychologist or psychiatrist.

I got put off the subject years ago, too many bad experiences with the system....there is something wrong with it in regards to how it treats people. It's too harsh for a start off...
I helped myself with psychotherapy. In fact, thanks to that, my psychoses are milder. What exactly do you not understand in yourself? Besides, you're not alone. Most people have no idea what incentives make them want something specific. There are "get to know yourself" articles everywhere.
 
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llittlelostlady

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They seem to think i should hate myself because I don't have a partner and apparently that makes me unworthy...

Errr

Since when was love about ego?

Good lord I got dropped onto a weird planet lol
 
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llittlelostlady

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I helped myself with psychotherapy. In fact, thanks to that, my psychoses are milder. What exactly do you not understand in yourself? Besides, you're not alone. Most people have no idea what incentives make them want something specific. There are "get to know yourself" articles everywhere.

I don't mind talk therapy, its cbt i can't stand.

All I know is I am lonely and I cant find a life mate or be what this society defines as a normal female. I definitely have some autism in me but I was a smart autist not a intellectually impaired one.

It makes me quirky and not very good at being normal. I am terrible at running a house but was very good at all things academic.

Not what most men want in a woman in this society. On top of that this has reduced my IQ tremendously so now I am just blinking useless.

On top of that I am bored...and I can't do what I normally do naturally anymore.
 
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llittlelostlady

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I am a little girl in a womans body trying to live my liffe and find a partner. I didn't develop the same as my peers.

I was emotionally immature and i was physically behind them as well. I don't have the emotional maturity to deal with this world and I can't get it as autism is a developmental disorder.
 
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llittlelostlady

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But neurotypicals expect me to be as developed as them...I can't be.
 
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toto

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And what is so much to understand in this world? Otherwise, isn't the inability to communicate a social phobia? I was very good at school, but I'm frustrated for that reason, my bosses feel this nervousness and they don't like me. People I've thought were stupid do much better than I do in life, so there's no point in talking about aikyuta. How old are you? Otherwise, with the pandemic, it will be difficult to find new contacts. You just have to be patient.
 
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