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when did you start to realise that you have bipolar?

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emmaleemochizuki

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It took me quite a while to get my head around after my first manic episode.

Sometimes it still doesn't quite sit with me as my manic episodes are so out of character like it is just not me at all.
 
Tawny

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It was only after diagnosis that i looked back and could see the milder hypomania and depression. I do feel it is part of me, and then an extreme version of me.
 
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I saw a new psychiatrist when I was coming out of a bizarre depression (acted depressed, didn't feel depressed) around 2014. After about a year, she wondered if I was having mixed states after she saw me with pressured speech and racing thoughts. We tried Depakote. BAM. It hit things in my brain I didn't even know were screwed up, including a daily ultradian cycle. That convinced me and her that my history of anxious depression put me on the bipolar spectrum. What a relief!

I and previous psychiatrists had mistaken hypomania and mixed states for anxiety. The diagnosis and my acceptance of it helped me become less self-critical, got me on the right meds, and have made me happier. I'm still trying to accept my need to live a simple life, but I've made progress. Sometimes I miss the frantic drive I had when I was hypomanic, but I'm better off now.
 
HLon99

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It took me a solid year from my first manic to accept the fact that I had the disease, but I always suspected in the back of my mind.
 
LunaBloodmist

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I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and GAD as a teenager. I struggled to find a good doctor. After seeing my current psychiatrist for a while, I told her I noticed my moods shifted a lot throughout the day. It wasn't just depressive moods anymore. It feels like a different me. So my diagnosis changed to bipolar. She tried me on a few meds, I wasn't the best at taking my meds though. The cycling got worse until I had to be put on watch or go to the hospital. She added new meds, and I felt better. I can manage to stay stable enough as long as I am consistent in therapy.
 
JessisMe

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It took me quite a while to get my head around after my first manic episode.

Sometimes it still doesn't quite sit with me as my manic episodes are so out of character like it is just not me at all.
My last manic episode it was really A LOT and looking back on it it really wasn’t right on any level. That being said I sometimes wonder if I don’t actually have bipolar but instead am just very stupid and unstable and that brings about symptoms that resemble bipolar mania so that is how I get labeled. Idk.
 
Wishbone

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When I looked back in hindsight after one particular episode and saw the ruins I'd left in my wake. Then I knew.
 
calypso

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I was manic throughout my life and only was diagnosed with the depressions. When I was diagnosed finally in my 50s and started on a mood stabliser (Lamotrigine) it was like a revelation - is this how most people feel usually? I was so astonished at how unstable I had been throughout life and amazed I survived. I hated the manic episodes they just weren't me
 
BlackChalice47

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My last manic episode it was really A LOT and looking back on it it really wasn’t right on any level. That being said I sometimes wonder if I don’t actually have bipolar but instead am just very stupid and unstable and that brings about symptoms that resemble bipolar mania so that is how I get labeled. Idk.
It has shades of grey and mirrors other disorders sometimes, I think. I’ve wondered about that, and about myself too though.
 
BlackChalice47

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I was always an extremely erratically behaved and often emotionally out of control child. Self-harm started as early as 7 or 8 I believe and continued on for years to come.

I started experiencing auditory hallucinations when I was 19. It basically involved other people I was living with talking badly about me behind my back and then it turned into hearing them plot against me. I was hospitalized for it but wasn’t officially diagnosed at the time.

The voices carried on for a couple of months but I haven’t experienced anything since. I think it‘s just translated over to racing thoughts and I still regularly experience delusions.

I was officially diagnosed with type 1 bipolar disorder in 2016. I’m 31 now and have lived on my own on and off since I was 19. I’m now living with my parents. I don’t think it’s impossible for me to live on my own but my parents are terrified that I will wind up homeless if they don’t intervene when something happens. I’ve lost countless jobs and go into every one having to worry about whether or not my co-workers are going to detect that I’m mentally unstable. Part of that is paranoia and part of that is a valid thing for me to worry about. I don’t go out of my way to talk to people for the most part because I’m afraid of what I might say or that someone might take something I say the wrong way.

I get obsessed with certain subjects and find it difficult to control what I focus on. I like that about myself to a certain extent because I take my interests seriously and it’s nice to have the capability of being a near expert when it comes to certain subjects. It’s problematic when the obsession turns to completely negative investments like women from my past that didn’t work out and, to be frank, things like debating people on subjects I feel strongly about. Nothing inherently wrong with that but it becomes an actual sport for me that can become extremely time investing, and ultimately not doing anything to improve my situation in life. I’m sure some of you have seen it on this board.

Tldr; I have very poor self-control and often feel like I don’t have the motivation to take the what seems like an overwhelming amount of steps needed to actually get my life in order.
 
LunaBloodmist

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I was always an extremely erratically behaved and often emotionally out of control child. Self-harm started as early as 7 or 8 I believe and continued on for years to come.

I started experiencing auditory hallucinations when I was 19. It basically involved other people I was living with talking badly about me behind my back and then it turned into hearing them plot against me. I was hospitalized for it but wasn’t officially diagnosed at the time.

The voices carried on for a couple of months but I haven’t experienced anything since. I think it‘s just translated over to racing thoughts and I still regularly experience delusions.

I was officially diagnosed with type 1 bipolar disorder in 2016. I’m 31 now and have lived on my own on and off since I was 19. I’m now living with my parents. I don’t think it’s impossible for me to live on my own but my parents are terrified that I will wind up homeless if they don’t intervene when something happens. I’ve lost countless jobs and go into every one having to worry about whether or not my co-workers are going to detect that I’m mentally unstable. Part of that is paranoia and part of that is a valid thing for me to worry about. I don’t go out of my way to talk to people for the most part because I’m afraid of what I might say or that someone might take something I say the wrong way.

I get obsessed with certain subjects and find it difficult to control what I focus on. I like that about myself to a certain extent because I take my interests seriously and it’s nice to have the capability of being a near expert when it comes to certain subjects. It’s problematic when the obsession turns to completely negative investments like women from my past that didn’t work out and, to be frank, things like debating people on subjects I feel strongly about. Nothing inherently wrong with that but it becomes an actual sport for me that can become extremely time investing, and ultimately not doing anything to improve my situation in life. I’m sure some of you have seen it on this board.

Tldr; I have very poor self-control and often feel like I don’t have the motivation to take the what seems like an overwhelming amount of steps needed to actually get my life in order.
I hear you on that. It has taken me forever to come around to getting the help I need. Even then I don't know what will happen. Sometimes I wonder if I should be on disability because I can barely handle a job, or am I just not trying hard enough? I can't afford to lose another job. I want so badly to be on my own.
 
JessisMe

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I hear you on that. It has taken me forever to come around to getting the help I need. Even then I don't know what will happen. Sometimes I wonder if I should be on disability because I can barely handle a job, or am I just not trying hard enough? I can't afford to lose another job. I want so badly to be on my own.
I have spent the past ten years on disability and regret having gotten on it. My mental health hasn’t improved as a result of being on it, it doesn’t give you enough money to live yet says that you cannot work to continue to receive it. And the lapse in employment history will raise the eyebrows of future employers, to say the least, when looking for new jobs. If you did get on disability I would plan to keep it only for a month or so before getting back to work and that might not be worth the long application process. It might be better just to take a medical leave. xo, j
 
Hello513

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After people kept telling me I was bi polar for like 6 years I finnally accepted it

Oh ya nd I take abilify to stabilize my mood, and surprise surprise it works

So ya I gess I am bi-polar
 
Hello513

Hello513

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I was manic throughout my life and only was diagnosed with the depressions. When I was diagnosed finally in my 50s and started on a mood stabliser (Lamotrigine) it was like a revelation - is this how most people feel usually? I was so astonished at how unstable I had been throughout life and amazed I survived. I hated the manic episodes they just weren't me
I was orriginally diagnosed with depresion before bi polar, and it was difficult for me to accept I was bi-polar.

However I am pretty sure Bi-polar is the correct diagnoses took me like 6 years of denial to get honest about it though.

Problem is I also have psychotic episodes at times so I have also been diagnosed schizophrenic, but right now they are going with bi-polar.

I definetley have a mood disorder though, and its probably bi polar
 
calypso

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I too have psychotic episodes when in a depression. But still had the diagnosis of bipolar as it can get psychosis with it.
 

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