When did you first realize you really were thru the looking Glass?

Not_Crazy_Yet

Not_Crazy_Yet

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#1
You know what I mean, the moment you realized you were down the rabbit hole? Like full on admission about your experiences and then the realization that this was a permanent stigma.

For me upon my first hospital admission I was being evaluated by a head shrinker. He was making strange movements getting closer and further away from me and tracing his finger thru the air (was I supposed to follow his finger with my eye?) All the while asking me bizarre questions. Like the Date, day of the month, year. Which I didn't know the day or day of the week so I felt a great deal of pressure to get the following questions correct. The current US president? I stuttered like porky pig on that one. Ba ba baba Buh buh Barack Obama. I realized at or around this time that I didn't know if he'd been moving or tracing his finger thru the air. Or if I had followed his movements or not. No matter how this one plays out... I have a record now, of this I'm certain. I had just been mind fucked and I knew it. He didn't even buy me dinner. In fact there was no dinner that night. My arrival was past dinner time. Then breakfast came and I was told ok get your stuff we're sending you too hospital in Atlanta. As they prepared the straps on the gurney I wolfed down as many powdered scrambled eggs as I could. There were no ankle or wrist restraints. Had there been any they would have BLOODY WELL NEEDED THEM!! I would have had a come to Jesus moment right then and there. I'd have shown my ass in an epic manner had they attempted to do so.

So anyway this was when I knew I was on a journey. I already knew I was crazy. I just never realized other people could tell I was.

So when did you have your uh-oh spaghettios moment?
 
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I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#2
When I had to get on benefits in 2008 for being too mentally unstable to work. But my mission now is to get off all medication, get on natural remedies, and go back to work. It will be a long painful process though. :nod2:
 
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IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#4
Hey that's a good goal.
Thank you Not_Crazy_Yet. :hug: I don't want tardive dyskinasa or other side effects, especially since t.d. can be permanent. I hope natural remedies work. GOD knows medication doesn't work for me. All it does is give me side effects! :mad::cry:
 
C

Candy19

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#5
didn't know I was messed up until I had a suicide attempt when I was 15 and was forced to therapy, I thought every one had those types of thoughts but just managed it way better than me
 
Not_Crazy_Yet

Not_Crazy_Yet

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#6
Yeah TD is rough. I still have effects from it daily. Haldol was the most helpful AP I ever found but only at VERY high doses. Too bad. Tardive dyskenesia. Had to stop it.
 
Not_Crazy_Yet

Not_Crazy_Yet

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#7
Yeah my admission was suicidal ideation with intent. Those aren't fun times.
 
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IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#8
Yeah TD is rough. I still have effects from it daily. Haldol was the most helpful AP I ever found but only at VERY high doses. Too bad. Tardive dyskenesia. Had to stop it.
Oh no! I am so sorry you have t.d. How do you manage it? :hug::hug::hug:
 
Not_Crazy_Yet

Not_Crazy_Yet

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#9
It's not so bad. It was in my Jaws. I grind my teeth every so often and realize sometimes I'm clenching my Jaws together.
 
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IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#10
It's not so bad. It was in my Jaws. I grind my teeth every so often and realize sometimes I'm clenching my Jaws together.
Doctors need to get off their asses and develop a CURE for T.D.! Or at least make a SAFE anti psychotic!!! :rolleyes: Sorry this happens to you. Is their any way to treat it at least? Make it more manageable and less bothersome? I hope you have a good support network. :hug: What medication gave it to you? How long were you on it before you got it?
 
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IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#11
Please keep seeing your dentist regularly too. That has to be bad for your teeth and jaws. :hug:
 
Not_Crazy_Yet

Not_Crazy_Yet

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#12
It was haldol. First generation antipsychotics are the only ones that really work for me. I was on it idk... Maybe 8 months? At the end I was taking about 5X the dose I started at. That's why now I take 2 APs I'm treatment resistant I guess. As far as a treatment... I doubt it. It's not so bothersome really.
 
Not_Crazy_Yet

Not_Crazy_Yet

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#13
I haven't seen a dentist in a long number of years. Dental is expensive here. Even now that I'm on benefits the govt insurance doesn't cover dental.
 
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IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#14
It was haldol. First generation antipsychotics are the only ones that really work for me. I was on it idk... Maybe 8 months? At the end I was taking about 5X the dose I started at. That's why now I take 2 APs I'm treatment resistant I guess. As far as a treatment... I doubt it. It's not so bothersome really.
That's such a high dosage! You have a bad psychiatrist! Lucky that didn't kill you?! I had a bad psychiatrist who use to pile pill after pill on me and at high dosages too. I thought I was gonna die! Like he was trying to legally kill me! I had to leave him. :eek2:
 
I

IWILLOBTAINMENTALHEALTH

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#15
I haven't seen a dentist in a long number of years. Dental is expensive here. Even now that I'm on benefits the govt insurance doesn't cover dental.
Why not? That's stupid and horrible. My dental in covered. But I live in CA, though. Sorry. :hug:
 

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