• Welcome! It’s great to see you. Our forum members are people, maybe like yourself, who experience mental health difficulties or who have had them at some point in their life.

    If you'd like to talk with people who know what it's like

What's your story?

G

Golden

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May 3, 2015
Messages
208
Location
Norwich
What was your life like before symptoms peaked and how do you think you ended up with more severe symptoms? Do you think you have changed since diagnosis and medication? I'm really interested to hear what happened to you.

My story is long but I had a great life. Suddenly, when on holiday one August, I found myself have a bit too good a time. This progressed to unpleasant behaviour and being verbally aggressive and chaotic and eventually I became catatonic-like.
 
M

MacLeod

Active member
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Oct 29, 2014
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30
Seen as no one else has replied I thought I would as it might help a little ( I feel awful ) I might be long so prepare.

Life for me has never been easy but not the hardest either ( in my opinion ) but to me it's been hard.
My dad left me and my mum when I was four, after he got my mum addicted to heroine and alcohol. I don't remember my sisters being around at all ( I have 3 older half sisters ) then we moved into a rehab for two years ( to me these were the happiest 2 years of my life which seems rather sad ) then when my mum was better we moved again.

For the next 2 to 3 years I had no friends at all which wasn't very nice and I got picked on constantly because of numerous reasons but the one that stuck was because we were poor and the area we lived in wasn't.

After this we moved again and overall it's been horrible and this is we're my life seemed to really fall apart I was diagnosed with depression at 14 years old and since then I haven't been the same I've been miserable on and off since then and it hasn't got any easier.

I never turned up to school for the last year and a half of secondary school and ive been bouncing from job to job ever since with no actual career ( which destroys me inside because all I ever wanted was a career ) but for the last 4 to 5 years I've been out of work which also hurts but the longer it is the harder I find it to return ( I was made redundant again, broke up with my girlfriend at the time and I've never picked myself up since )

I now have moderate depression and anxiety for me I'm ok for a little while then I crash and at the moment I feel like I'm crashing again and I hate it. On top of all this I have a lot of family problems but this post is long enough there's loads more but like I said its long enough. I'm now 27 and feel like I'm a waste of a life most of the time.

So that's my life in short believe it or not and it hasn't been much of a life.

Thanks for letting me share.
 
G

Golden

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Joined
May 3, 2015
Messages
208
Location
Norwich
Thank you for sharing that with me. We both seem to have had some difficjlt early life experiences coupled with inherited depressive illness. I assume your mum was an addict because she had mental health problems. Sorry if I'm wrong.

I've been off work a long time too and am at risk of losing my career but am determined to kerp hold of it or change it slightly. What do you want to do? You are so young and could start studying for something. Many with mental health problems need jobs that are not too stressful so take that into consideration.

What do you do for your depression? I walk a lot and swim. I do anything that makes me happy like cleaning, arts and crafts and cooking.

Start with getting a notebook so you can plan your future. That could start with a course or voluntary job.
 
B

blueorange

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Joined
Nov 27, 2014
Messages
203
What was your life like before symptoms peaked and how do you think you ended up with more severe symptoms?
I'm not sure if I had a life before my symptoms. We guess symptoms started at age 5. I have a suicide attempt at age 8. I wish I had a "normal" life until for example at age 16 or something. Then I would have a good reference. My grandfather and my mom has this disorder.

Yes I have changed after the diagnosis. My life went upside down. Now I'm trying to get used to it and find the best treatment.
 
S

Suziblue

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Joined
Dec 28, 2014
Messages
46
Location
Angus
I don't really remember ever being 'normal' I just thought it was normal to become obsessed with my latest projects and over the top about everything. Always hated the crashes into depression but I just thought everyone had those! I had an easy childhood bordering on dull so I can't blame that but it is likely that my grandmother had undiagnosed bipolar. Since diagnosis tho my world has crashed around my ears as I'm a nurse and now not allowed to practice until pronounced 'stable' by psych!
 
G

Golden

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Joined
May 3, 2015
Messages
208
Location
Norwich
I'm not sure if I had a life before my symptoms. We guess symptoms started at age 5. I have a suicide attempt at age 8. I wish I had a "normal" life until for example at age 16 or something. Then I would have a good reference. My grandfather and my mom has this disorder.

Yes I have changed after the diagnosis. My life went upside down. Now I'm trying to get used to it and find the best treatment.
That's very young. My first odd behaviour would have been about age five. I think we are born with this thing, and it snowballs.
 
C

Christobel

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Jun 6, 2014
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1,075
Location
South west
My pdoc says I have an anxious personality, and I think it started when I was six months old and my mother had to go into hospital. I had to go into a baby home, and, my mother told me, refused to take any nourishment. I had several more separation issues when my mother was ill, which made me the anxious person I became. When a really traumatic event happened in my family it triggered an acute psychosis, and major depression, which I am only just recovering from.

I wonder, is it our life experiences that make us ill or is it in the genes? I don't seem to have any antecedents with MH issues.
 
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G

Golden

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May 3, 2015
Messages
208
Location
Norwich
I don't really remember ever being 'normal' I just thought it was normal to become obsessed with my latest projects and over the top about everything. Always hated the crashes into depression but I just thought everyone had those! I had an easy childhood bordering on dull so I can't blame that but it is likely that my grandmother had undiagnosed bipolar. Since diagnosis tho my world has crashed around my ears as I'm a nurse and now not allowed to practice until pronounced 'stable' by psych!
I also thought what I was experiencing was normal. I'm sorry about your work. Have you been off for long? I'm trying my hardest to cover up gaps in my cv.
 
G

Golden

Well-known member
Joined
May 3, 2015
Messages
208
Location
Norwich
My pdoc says I have an anxious personality, and I think it started when I was six months old and my mother had to go into hospital. I had to go into a baby home, and, my mother told me, refused to take any nourishment. I had several more separation issues when my mother was ill, which made me the anxious person I became. When a really traumatic event happened in my family it triggered an acute psychosis, and major depression, which I am only just recovering from.

I wonder, is it our life experiences that make us ill or is it in the genes? I don't seem to have any antecedents with MH issues.
It may even be something spiritual. We don't know do we. I've no idea. My mum's dad had bipolar disorder but I don't even know what that really means.
 
S

Suziblue

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Joined
Dec 28, 2014
Messages
46
Location
Angus
I've been off work got ten months, the first seven were the craziest roller coaster ever but now things are steadying up so there is talk of me going back but I'll not be allowed to work with patients till I'm considered not to be a risk to them or myself! X
 
T

thatsrealneeto

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Joined
Apr 1, 2015
Messages
4
There's been something wrong since I was little. I could never make connections properly with people, they have always been too strong or been so loose the other person finds it offensive. I've kept myself in isolation largely since I was little simply because interacting with the outside world is beyond depressing. It shows me what I could be trying to do but I cannot.
I've been Bipolar 2 for over 5 years but only recently have I begun cycling quickly and its worse than anything else. I would rather be a vegetable or something that cannot feel.
Truth be told I wait almost every day, hoping that will be the day that something unexpected happens that rids the living world from my view. I'm so tired of struggling and failing.
 
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MarlieeB

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Jan 15, 2013
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25,044
:welcome: to the forum

Marliee x

(Hopefully this will give your post a little bump)
 
G

Golden

Well-known member
Joined
May 3, 2015
Messages
208
Location
Norwich
There's been something wrong since I was little. I could never make connections properly with people, they have always been too strong or been so loose the other person finds it offensive. I've kept myself in isolation largely since I was little simply because interacting with the outside world is beyond depressing. It shows me what I could be trying to do but I cannot.
I've been Bipolar 2 for over 5 years but only recently have I begun cycling quickly and its worse than anything else. I would rather be a vegetable or something that cannot feel.
Truth be told I wait almost every day, hoping that will be the day that something unexpected happens that rids the living world from my view. I'm so tired of struggling and failing.
My story is similar. My moods have sped up too but since lamotrigine. Being a veg I've been there and I'd rather be like this. I don't hit sev depression anymore but I get close. What med do you take? People assume on meds we are miraculously better but that is not true. What do you do to make yourself feel better?
 
Sparklypurplepaws

Sparklypurplepaws

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Joined
Oct 12, 2013
Messages
914
Location
Lincolnshire
I've avoided replying to your post, sorry! Letting out 'my story' is hard - but reading others responses makes me feel more normal and understood.
I started self harming somewhere between the ages of 4 - 7, I know I self harmed at age 7 and since my mum found out about the s/h at aged 18, she's filled in some gaps where strange 'accidents' happened to me from age 4. I did not tell a sole about the s/h till I was 17. By then it was bad, once my mum knew she sought counselling for me but it got me no where. I guess I was depressed from an early age too, but I have very little memories of my childhood until it hit 14. My life plodded along fine I even stopped self harming (although not other stuff) for nearly 10 years! Then when I was 28 my best friend died suddenly from cancer, it hit me hard. I was depressed, crying out for help with o/d's and started hearing voices. I was then diagnosed with depression with pychcosis. Again my life plodded along, in and out of pyschatric hospital on and off medication. I'm 37 now, my mum died last September and until recently I was coping ok - I got severe anxiety days after she died, seven months on I'm still suffering from those symptoms. Right now I've hit rock bottom, absolute bottom.
Nothing's changed since being diagnosed. Medication seems to help for a while, then it stops so pdoc changes it and so the cycle starts again.
 
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dubblemonkey

dubblemonkey

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Oct 21, 2014
Messages
1,000
Location
australia
myself?...this mad man made every attempt to excel!

I kinda thought that I had to compete with everyone that I met...

and I did this I overwhelmed everybody that I met.

I continued this madness for 16 years with and without serious drugs...

I completely went diabolical and painful.

and it occurred to me that my illness is something beyond whatever I can imagine

there is no room for my borderline!...

and there is even less room for my bipolar...!

I can keep trying to find safety within myself and I can find a way that this mis-accidental self of my mis-understood self can finally relax...

it's ok to be me and it's ok that the world makes all the mistakes!

it's not my fault!

dmxxoo
 
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